Sunset, pondering a better, non-cliche title Options

[Guest_Dove_*]

(revision)


Sunkist


Spoonfuls of sugar
frost blueberries,
with a banana on the side.

Many
mandarin slices,
strawberry swirls,
cherry toppings,
kiwi leaves,
plum halves,
and the last
sliver of peach
are plucked and packaged;
ripe pear-shaped day.

Pomegranate seeds,
grape wine perfume,
and rosemary aroma
waft around the
pealed coconut that orbits;
eggplant night.

(original)


Sunset


Spoonfuls of sugar
cover blueberries,
with a banana on the side.

Many
mandarin slices,
strawberry splotches,
cherry stems,
kiwi leaves,
plum halves,
and the last
sliver of peach;
ripe pear-shaped day.

Pomegranate seeds,
grape wine perfume,
cranberry strings,
pealed coconut orbiting;
eggplant night.

[Athena]

Very unusual and interesting poem, Dove, so full of yummy things to eat, smell, and look upon! I did wonder about a couple of words, though.  

Sunset

Spoonfuls of sugar
cover blueberries,
with a banana on the side.  

Why banana on the side ... why not in bowl with blueberries?

Many
mandarin slices,
strawberry splotches,  

Why strawberry "splotches"?  I LOVE strawberries, but the splotches I cut out first.  

cherry stems,  
Cherry "stems" not the sweet fruit?

kiwi leaves,  
Hmmmmm kiwi "leaves" ... never tasted the leaves, but LOVE kiwi FRUIT.

plum halves,
and the last
sliver of peach;
ripe pear-shaped day.

Pomegranate seeds,
grape wine perfume,
cranberry strings,  

Do you mean strings like for a Christmas tree?

pealed coconut orbiting;  

Don't get this one at all.

eggplant night.

[/b]

Otherwise, I think it's a clever poem full of visual goodies!

Blessings,

Dolly