THE WAITING GAME [revised], Free Verse Options

[Maureen]

Revised Version

THE WAITING GAME


Evening shadows crept into the courtyard.

Lit by the silvery glow of moonbeams,
Cerulean blue, jade green and gold
colours like a stained glass window
gleamed from her peacock feather fan.


She waited patiently – there was no rush.

Wind chimes broken reeds
tinkled in the evening breeze
as calmly, she daintily drank jasmine tea
from a delicate porcelain cup.

She heard his footsteps on the terrazzo.

The moons silver fingers caressed the moon gate,
hovered over the fallen arch
and rested lingeringly on her lover's face.
Ancient walls silently watched and waited
as did she.

Maureen Clifford ©
the Scribbly Bark Poet.






THE WAITING GAME

Evening shadows crept silently into the courtyard.

Lit by the silvery glow of moonbeams,
her elegant fan of peacock feathers gleamed
like a stained glass window.
Cerulean blue, jade green and gold.

She waited patiently – there was no rush.

The broken reeds of the wind chimes
tinkled in the evening breeze.
Calmly she daintily drank jasmine tea
from a delicate porcelain cup.

She heard his footsteps on the terrazzo.

Shadows cast by the moonlight
drifted over the fallen arch of the moon gate
and her lover's face.

The ancient walls were used to waiting,
and so was she.

Maureen Clifford ©

[JustDaniel]

Greetings, Maureen!

Though this is officially my first response to one of your pieces, actually I had almost completed my comments on your first post in the other forum (a bush posm), when I got a call from my wife about arrangements for the sitter for my grandson Dominic (2), since she and my daughter DoriAn were not going to be returning from the hospital, since Gabriella was about to be delivered by C-section. Needless to say, I never finished my comments at that time, and when the computer lost contact with the internet some time when it was waiting for my return, I lost my comments... and though I've been back there twice already, EACH TIME I was interrupted with grandfather duties... so I just gave up, too tired to write last evening!

Enough of all that... This one shows a world of difference from that other piece, with a very patient, deliberate, gentle patience, ratcheting up anticipation to your closing punch line. I thoroughly enjoyed it, and there are several lines that I really appreciated, but I'll only mention one... and point out a punctuation gaff [Though I've noted in many publications of late, apostrophes are simply eliminated... and I'm astounded by that, but... ah, well, what can little old I do?! LOL]:

Shadows cast by the moonlight
drifted over the fallen arch of the moon gate
and her lover[']s face.

Love it!

deLighting in your sharing with us... and looking forward to your observations, comments and sharing in others' posts here,

Daniel