Laugh Lines (Revised, with thanks), Sonnet Options

[MFK Buckley]

Thank you for the crits, I've adjusted happily accordingly. However consider a man who, if chastened, hastens to recall... F


Laugh Lines

If years from now you hasten to recall
my witticisms in another light,
inflections, buoyant once, are apt to fall,
deflecting into peevishness despite
how we are now. (Though I’ve said this before
in other arms, interpretations blurred.)
When we no longer linger I’ll ignore
you passing; it’s both best and most preferred.
But always you will be to me, as now,
endearingly disarmed, without a name.
Should memories of this conspire somehow
to recollect me harshly, you’re to blame:
the heft and cleave of me without the laughter
was all it meant, and all that you were after.

MFK Buckley



Laugh Lines

If years from now you hasten to recall
my witticisms in another light
inflections, buoyant once, are apt to fall
deflecting into peevishness despite
how we are now. (But I’ve said this before
in other arms, interpretations blurred.)
When you no longer linger I’ll ignore
your leaving; given that, don’t be disturbed.
You’ll always be to me as you are now –
endearingly disarmed, without a name.
Should memories of this conspire somehow
to recollect me harshly, you’re to blame:
the heft and cleave of me without the laughter
was all it meant, and all that you were after.

MFK Buckley

[JustDaniel]

Greetings, Fran.

Great to see you in this forum, and I do think your modifications have improved an already fine piece. I've not had much desire to participate in critique myself for some time, and I've not had much time even for the challenges of late either, though I hope soon to return.

This is another example of your clear grasp of the Spencerian Form. You have so much to teach us in this.

It's almost eerie (no pun intended!) that this passage simply jumped out at me in this excellent, thoughtful grappling-with-aging piece:

When we no longer linger I’ll ignore
you passing; it’s both best and most preferred.
But always you will be to me, as now,
endearingly disarmed, without a name.

Since my writing almost never has had a visible visit from your pen (I suppose because I'd not been around in the past to volley with you and Sue and Ron and Eric in this milieu -- though I have with volleyed with them often in times past), you may have never gotten to know me. But I've admired your writing from the distance you've kept, and I've even been kind of jealous not to be able to interact with your skills. I hope one day you'll not simply ignore my passing here.

... and by the way, I think your pronoun ought to be possessive ['your passing'], since 'passing' is a gerund which normally is modified by a possessive noun or pronoun.

deLighting in your contributions as I have the opportunity to read them, Daniel