Changes (revised 12/10), Heptameter Sonnet Options

[Larry]

Changes

Precursor winds play tag with golden pennants of the Fall
by twirling them in tiny hurricanes. Their auburn hues
now echo empty hands, which gave them birth. Once-shadowed hall,
denuded massive oaks allow the light within their queues.

Though umber fingers clutch dead vestiges of yesterday,
release comes soon. The detritus of Spring lies on the lane
in piles… obscures that colonnaded path. Wafted away
are momentary jewels, loosed by time, which fall like rain

to bury; and in turn be blanketed by hoary veil.
So swift the end befalls and swifter still is life restored
by moldering remains. The mysteries from Change’s well
bequeath their cryptic legacy. They may be unexplored,

misunderstood. The universe, like leaves, will be renewed.
Death and decay: conception’s seed with which we are imbued.

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S2/L4 did read "are momentary jewels, loosened by time, which fall like rain".
S3/L4 did read " bequeath their obscure legacy. They may be unexplored,"


See Daniel's crits as the reason for the changes.

[Larry]

Hey Daniel,

Thanks for stopping in for a read and thanks also for the excellent critique. I see what you mean about some of your suggestions but some of the others I'll have to forego.

S1/L3 - Don't know about the hyphen. The plural "halls" can't work because I'm writing about one hall (see S2/L3 - "colonnaded path")

S2/L4 - Good catch on "jewels". Down here in the South, it would be pronounced "jools" (one syl). Will change that.

S3/L1 - Thought you liked a little alliteration! "be blanketed by" Too much? Besides, "quilted" just doesn't seem to imply complete coverage of the leaves. Snow doesn't make something seem quilted, does it?

S3/L4 - Great catch on my big metric bump from iamb to troch. Will sub "cryptic" as it is in the same vein as "mysteries".

Daniel, I don't post them here because I feel they are polished gems, I can always use another set of eyes; maybe two or three sets would be even better. Thanks for the help and the crits.

Larry