Balboa Summers- modified Options

[anaisa]

Revision- tweaked and chopped ;-)


Balboa skies are deep wisteria
tonight, Tony's bar is set aglow
in strands of light. Beach Boy songs
float honeycombed around the bungalows,
where errant palms wave offerings
beneath pale summer stars. The flow
of tide beyond the pier retrieves a rhythmic
water-tune. Although I never stay until
the restaurants close, or dance inside the bars—
I still remember cigarettes and halter tops,
dampness of an evening chill;
the stinging sunburn from an august day
revealing tenderness, when peeled away.


first one

Balboa skies are deep wisteria
tonight, and Tony's bar is set aglow
in strands of yellow lights. Faint Beach Boy songs
float honeycombed around the bungalows,
where front yard palms wave errant offerings
beneath pale summer stars. The cadenced flow
of tide beyond the pier is sloshing out
a distant, rhythmic water-tune. Although
I never stay until the restaurants
have closed, or dance inside the bars— I still
remember cigarettes and halter tops
inviting dampness of an evening chill.
The stinging sunburn from an August day
and tenderness, when all is peeled away.

[Guest_ohsteve_*]

Karen, I thought the revision was delightful and it tightened up the piece a lot. I think Alan my be spot on with reprise instead of retrieves, it makes a lot more sense. As far as the subject matter it reminds me of a lot of my younger days down by the ocean, I never was much of a beachboys fan but strange how many of their lyrics I know. The one of theirs I really love is Kokomo. ....you know...lumbago, arthritis, why don't they invite us all to go down to Kokomo...LOL.

Take care
Steve