Balboa Summers- modified Options

[anaisa]

Revision- tweaked and chopped ;-)


Balboa skies are deep wisteria
tonight, Tony's bar is set aglow
in strands of light. Beach Boy songs
float honeycombed around the bungalows,
where errant palms wave offerings
beneath pale summer stars. The flow
of tide beyond the pier retrieves a rhythmic
water-tune. Although I never stay until
the restaurants close, or dance inside the bars—
I still remember cigarettes and halter tops,
dampness of an evening chill;
the stinging sunburn from an august day
revealing tenderness, when peeled away.


first one

Balboa skies are deep wisteria
tonight, and Tony's bar is set aglow
in strands of yellow lights. Faint Beach Boy songs
float honeycombed around the bungalows,
where front yard palms wave errant offerings
beneath pale summer stars. The cadenced flow
of tide beyond the pier is sloshing out
a distant, rhythmic water-tune. Although
I never stay until the restaurants
have closed, or dance inside the bars— I still
remember cigarettes and halter tops
inviting dampness of an evening chill.
The stinging sunburn from an August day
and tenderness, when all is peeled away.

[Alan]

Dear Karen,

Yes, very good indeed now, well done on taking the advice that suited you while considering and dropping the rest.

Only one thing puzzles me :

of tide beyond the pier retrieves a rhythmic

do you actually mean

of tide beyond the pier reprises

Definitions of reprise: * verb: repeat an earlier theme of a composition

Love
Alan

[anaisa]

I don't know if retrieves is the correct word, but to "bring back" ...the tide
washes in and delivers with it the sound of waves. Does that make sense?

Dear Karen,

Yes, very good indeed now, well done on taking the advice that suited you while considering and dropping the rest.

Only one thing puzzles me :

of tide beyond the pier retrieves a rhythmic

do you actually mean

of tide beyond the pier reprises

Definitions of reprise: * verb: repeat an earlier theme of a composition

Love
Alan