Disaster's Triage, RF Challenge - The Road Not Taken Options

[Larry]

Disaster’s Triage (tweaked - TY Lori)

Tin shacks and cardboard huts propped up with wood
are gone. Uncaring Earth erased them. Both
entombed in brick and stucco that once stood
beside them. Raining down on those who could
not seek a haven in the undergrowth.

No judge to rule on what was right or fair,
to hear the anguished pleas of those who claim
they had no food or clothing they could wear.
Those were interred with friends and neighbors there
among the piles of rubble, and the same

was true of fractured families who lay
beneath the shattered buildings. All was black
and dusty clouds blocked out the light of day.
Some few, exhumed by those who found a way
to rescue broken bodies, bring them back;

are granted respite from that final sigh.
Not so for many others taken hence
to lie in rest with strangers. Would that I
were able to assist and help them by
grief’s river flowing through indifference.


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Tin shacks and cardboard huts propped up with wood
are gone. Uncaring Earth erased them. Both
entombed in brick and stucco that once stood
beside them. Raining down on those who could
not find safety in hillside undergrowth.

No judge to rule on what was right or fair,
to hear the anguished pleas of those who claim
they had no food; or clothing they could wear.
That was interred with friends and neighbors there
among the piles of rubble, and the same

could be said of their families which lay
beneath the shattered buildings. All was black
and dusty clouds blocked out the light of day.
Some few, exhumed by those who found a way
to rescue broken bodies, bring them back;

are granted respite from that final sigh.
Not so for many others taken hence
to lie in rest with strangers. Would that I
were able to assist and help them by
grief’s river flowing through indifference.

[Larry]

Hi Lori,

Thanks for stopping in for a critter two. Thanks also for the nomination. Now to address your suggestions.

S2 first: I'll lose the semicolon because there is no way I could use "nor". "Neither" must be used prior to "nor". Ya know the old English rule... either/or, neither/nor.

S1, I like your suggestion and will use but reword it a bit.

S3 - I'll reword L1 and see what you think of that. I'm too much of a meter maid to leave a line one syl short.

Again, thanks for the nom and crits.

Larry