Reap What You Sow, working on rhyme & meter Options

[merle]

When my mother looked at me
her smile was wide but I could see
it didn't graze her eyes.

Much easier to bury seeds
beyond the rake of therapy
than ever question why.

When my daughter looks at me
my smile is wide but can she see
it doesn't graze my eyes.

[Larry]

Hi Merle,

Not being an expert on meter or rhyme, I can only pass along a few suggestions which come to mind when reading "Reap What You Sow". In S1, L1 & 2 are metrically uneven.
Perhaps:

Whenever mother looked at me
her smile was wide but I could see
it didn't graze her eyes. I love the word "graze" as in... "It was close but didn't touch!"

In S2, the word "bury" denotes a lot of work and would not be easier. Would you consider my suggestion of using "scatter" or even "sow the" instead? In S2/L3 you can fix the rhyme of "eyes/why" if you would wish to change L3 to read: than question hows or whys

Much easier to scatter seeds
beyond the rake of therapy Not really enamored with the "seeds/therapy" rhyme either but have nothing in mind which might help.
than question hows or whys.

In S3, L1 & 2 are also metrically uneven. Maybe add "Now" at the beginning and make each line tetra; this would also bring the line from some time in the past to what is happening presently.

Now when my daughter looks at me
my smile is wide but can she see
it doesn't graze my eyes.

I love the nearly palpable feelings of being in a vicious psychological circle not of one's on making. I hope this is not a "self portrait" kind of poem.

As with any suggestion, you may utilize the cafeteria style of selection. Take or toss it all.

Larry

p.s. to Leo; Might the non-smile be due to a "stiff upper lip?"