Reap What You Sow, working on rhyme & meter Options

[merle]

When my mother looked at me
her smile was wide but I could see
it didn't graze her eyes.

Much easier to bury seeds
beyond the rake of therapy
than ever question why.

When my daughter looks at me
my smile is wide but can she see
it doesn't graze my eyes.

[Mary Boren]

Merle (or may I call you by your real name?)

You've got the rhyme and meter, not to mention metaphor. down pat. The only thing I can find wrong with this poem is that there's not enough of it!

I'm thoroughly wowed by "bury seeds beyond the rake of therapy." Ah, that is the stuff of poetry -- rich and memorable. I agree with Alan's assessment of the dubious benefits of therapy, but as for graze, I say it's precisely the right word to complement the aura of mystery here.

I'm not buying that third stanza, though, assuming this is autobiographical. You're far too self-aware to exhibit a pasted-on smile for your child. Either way (i.e., whether or not the "I" is you), what would you think about "my smile is wide and she can see it doesn't glaze my eyes" for a snap-shut conclusion to catapult our heroine out of that endless loop? Yeah, I know, that totally changes the meaning, but I'm just a cockeyed optimist and a sucker for wordplay.

Mary