Faithful Autumn (Final Draft-Thanks Wally, merle & all) Options

[Maggie]

Faithful Autumn (Final Draft . Thanks Wally, Merle & all )

Tomorrrow’s never certain.
It's always been that way,
but one thing I am sure of
is Autumn came today.

A nippy wind is blowing
the leaves from our oak tree,
and squirrels bury acorns;
that's how the fall should be.

Embracing as a sunset,
predictable as tide;
my faithful friend, Autumn,
has come back to abide.

Peggy Carpenter Harwood


Faithful Autumn (Revision 4- Much thanks Wally, merle & all)

Tomorrow’s never certain.
It's always been that way,
but one thing I am sure of
is Autumn came today.

A nippy wind is blowing
the leaves from our oak tree,
and squirrels bury acorns;
that's how the fall should be.

All things are set in order;
wild geese are on the wing.
There's comforting assurance
which returning seasons bring.

Embracing as a sunset,
encompassing as a tide;
my faithful friend, Autumn,
has come back to abide.

Peggy Carpenter Harwood



Faithful Autumn (Revision 3 Rough Final Stanza)

Tomorrow is never certain.
It's always been that way,
but one thing that I know,
Autumn came today.

A squirrel buried an acorn.
That's how it's meant to be,
and a nippy wind is blowing
leaves from the water oak tree.

Regular as the sunset,
faithful as the rising tide,
my old friend Autumn
has come to abide.

All things are in order.
Wild geese on the wing.
Autumn's comforting assurance
makes my very soul sing.



Faithful Autumn (Revision 2 Rough final stanza)

Tomorrow is never certain.
It's always been that way,
but one thing that I know
is Autumn came today.

Saw a squirrel bury an acorn.
That's how it's supposed to be,
and a nippy wind is blowing
branches on the water oak tree.

As regular as the sunset
and as faithful as rising tide
my old friend Autumn
has come to abide.

Now all things are in order.
Wild geese are on the wing.
Autumn's comforting assurance
makes my very soul sing.





Thank you merle for pointing me back to my own feelings about autumn, and thank you everyone for all the help!!! I just jotted down a very rough start for a poem with ballad rhyme which concentrates on the comfort and reassurance of a returning season.


Faithful Autumn (Revision 1)

Tomorrow is never certain.
It's always been that way,
but one thing that I know
is Autumn came today.

Saw a squirrel bury an acorn.
That's how it's supposed to be,
and a nippy wind is blowing
limbs of the water oak tree.

As regular as the sunset
and as faithful as rising tide
my old friend Autumn
has come to abide.

unfinished. . .




Autumn Images (Original)

A nippy chill flows on the breeze.
Squirrels bury acorns under trees.
Geese fly south through the sky.
Pumpkins ripen in fields nearby.

Leaves speckle woodlands red and gold.
Mums and pansies are being sold.
One's old jacket comes in handy.
Children's thoughts focus on candy.

First frost nips a summer flower.
Clocks fall back to gain an hour.
Thanksgiving is just beyond the bend.
Welcome, Autumn, my old friend!




Peggy Carpenter Harwood

[Mary Boren]

Hello Peggy,

I don't think we've met. I like your name -- it has a poetic ring to it. I, too, am energized and renewed each year by the coming of autumn, and your poem touches on familiar scenes.

That said, I guess my question for you is, what is your goal in writing and workshopping? If you want children's or greeting card verse that will be enthusiastically praised by family and friends, you have it. But if you want to call forth an "aha" moment for someone who doesn't already know and love you -- to write with the power to move, enlighten, uplift, tickle, soothe, or challenge, to leave that unknown reader reading, reading and re-reading to savor every scintilla of serendipity in a phrase or line -- well, then, there is some work to be done.

I'm going to list some of the reasons this poem would not be well-received in circles that subsist on the essence of poetry.

1. You have circumvented the first rule of creative writing, which is "show, don't tell." I think this is what Steve was saying in a gentler way.

2. Every line is endstopped, which creates a singsong effect. Admittedly, enjambment is an acquired taste for those who (like me) cut their teeth on "people's" poetry. There is a myth going around that it is a new technique but, as shown in the link I offered, that's definitely not the case. Once this tool is absorbed into the poetic arsenal (in suitable proportions), one can only marvel at its capacity to create sparks of interest.

3. You have not employed standard poetic devices such as metaphor, simile, assonance, imagery, onomatopoeia, etc. -- the springboard for launching common language into the realm of soul connection.

4. Your rhythm's a little wonky in spots. (S1/L2 & 3, S2/L1 & 4, S3/L3)

I hope I'm not telling you things you already know, and that I haven't been too direct. A board like this thrives on honest feedback, and I intend to invest myself in giving more than I take from the interaction among poets here. It would be too easy to pass on by without comment. Again, your poem is fine for the purpose you have stated, but why post at a workshop if you're not seeking to refine your skills?

Mary