Rings of Circumspection [revised 03 Oct 2009], (Falling paeonic couplets) Options

[Thoth]

This was inspired by Alice's Haiku. (I can complicate anything) W


Rings of Circumspection

Rev1

There’s a woman bent and weeping
from her harbour mirror peeping,
who although she’s smiling bravely
sees her daughter frowning gravely.

Silver ripples on the water,
smile at me oh mothers daughter,
laughing eyes have changed to sighing
turned to those of someone dying.

Evening shadow fills the harbour;
be my grave, my silver arbour.
Cleanse me with your liquid stillness;
end my fears and heal my illness.

There’s a young girl knelt and weeping
through a liquid mirror peeping
and her tears corrupt perfection
spreading rings of circumspection.


Orig;

There’s a woman bent and weeping
from her harbour mirror peeping,
who although she’s smiling bravely
sees her daughter frowning gravely.

Silver ripples on the water,
smile at me oh mothers daughter,
laughing eyes have turned to sighing
turned to those of someone dying.

Evening shadow fills the harbour
be my grave, my silver arbour
cleanse me with your liquid stillness
end my fears and heal my illness.

There’s a young girl knelt and weeping
through a liquid mirror peeping
and her tears corrupt perfection
spreading rings of circumspection.


Photo by WW Schwim 2009

[Thoth]

Bev,
Thanks for reading. You can do structured poetry, it is not all that difficult but like everything it requires practice. If Mistral who is Afrikaans could do it then you can too! Trouble is that when we do something new and it is not as good as something that we have practiced for years we get discouraged and tend to give up on it. Determination to succeed is the key.

Hugs, W