an American haiku (spring dance...), a one-liner Options

[Marc-Andre Germa...]

spring dance, robins twitter to the taps of clogs

[Guest_prerna bala_*]

so you say that is a one line haiku ?
well this is what i think :
the comma offers a pause and so the rest can be in the next line without the comma

as

spring dance
robins twitter to the taps of clogs

and inverted as

twittering robins
to tap of clogs
spring dance


but then that is just my opinion, and i hope to read more of your work,
you know i am just as crazy about haiku as any other

cheers


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oops, i just read your self critique of your one liner, but decided to let my dumb- say stay
you said pretty much the same as i did
but then,
anyhow :

robins twitter dancing to the tap of clogs

because the season is dictated by the presence of the robins i guess, wonder what you have to say on this

[Marc-Andre Germa...]

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oops, i just read your self critique of your one liner, but decided to let my dumb- say stay
you said pretty much the same as i did
but then,
anyhow :

robins twitter dancing to the tap of clogs

because the season is dictated by the presence of the robins i guess, wonder what you have to say on this

Hi Prerna,

A good point, I'll consider this. I'm not sure about the gerund in "Robins twitter dancing" (it plods rather heavily, don't you think?) but I guess there could be a better word for "spring." Thanks for the input.

Mark