Pablo Neruda: Violines (from El mar y las campanas), Translated by Marc-Andre Germain Options

[Marc-Andre Germa...]

My first translation from the Spanish language ever. Feedback would be greatly appreciated.

Violins, thank you for this day
of four chords. Pure
is the sound of the sky
the azure voice of air.

.............................................

Gracias, violines, por este dia
De cuatro cuerdas. Puro
Es el sonido del cielo
La voz azul del aire.

[Marc-Andre Germa...]

Sylvia,

Thanks for reading and for the critique :) I studied Spanish 16 years ago, but haven't used it since, so it's very poor, which is why I've started with this short and simple one. I will correct L1 and consider initial caps; in the edition I've got, Neruda didn't use them.

And by the way, you may assume that I'll attempt just about anything. lol. Even though some of it will be doomed to failure, I believe the exercise will be worthwhile. And if it turns to be too hard, then perhaps I'll make homophonic translations (transposing to the closest English sounds regardless of meaning), one of the methods I use for my non-intentional compositions to generate raw material in which I attempt to "discover" or "unearth" a poem.

Mark