A CONSTANT GARDENER [revised 25 Mar 08], Wizard Award ~ A writers dilemma Options

[Guest_Xanadu_*]

Revision:

If only words would grow on vines,
I'd serve them up along these lines;
taste the crop that came to flower
and dine on prose from hour to hour.
Partake of leaves.
Partake of root.
I'd save the best
for last...
the fruit.


......................................................................
Original


The seed of an idea as small as sand.
I want to grow at the end of my hand;
as if my arm were free to flower
some great prose hour to hour;
my fingers no more than a wonderland.

I place my hand to this clean page
and wait for it to behave a sage;
believing that it has some power,
until my fingers freeze, then cower;
proving themselves a dumb appendage.

That in my hand some phrase take root;
that it alone would bear the fruit,
not make of me some undergoer,
where perfect words to mind come slower;
then gladly would I be it`s prostitute.

[Mary Boren]

I understand the repeating words is kind of a "no-no".

Sez who? Ask somebody that knows, like Tennyson.

"Half a league, half a league, half a league onward..."

"Break, break, break ..."

Repetition is every bit as valid a poetic device as assonance, consonance, alliteration and the like. I can see calling each other to task if it's clearly a case of sloppy writing, like forgetting you used the same word two lines earlier, and maybe that's where the confusion lies.

I agree, this one is complete -- don't MacPoem it. (You won't find that term at Bob's Byway, but it's pretty much self-explanatory, isn't it?) As for the nomination, if there isn't already a category for most improved, there should be. I'm extremely impressed with the way you took critique to heart, then came right back with something fresh and uniquely yours. Wayta go, Linda.

Keep 'em comin',

Mary