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Posted on: May 24 10, 01:57 |
Babylonian
Group: Gold Member
Posts: 66
Joined: 14-May 09
Member No.: 798
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QUOTE (sandiegopoet @ May 24 10, 05:08 ) I like the authentic emotion here - of a relationship that doesn't quite come together, due in part to a past relationship that haunts the "other." I sense a neediness, perhaps even an indiscriminate neediness, on the part of the narrator, as indicated in the final stanza. And I posit that there's a tension, worthy of further exploration, between the particular attraction revealed in the earlier stanzas and the somewhat non-particular hunger revealed toward the poem's end.
Fred thank you fred appreciate the feedback and support regards hellfire |
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Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011
· Post Preview: #121602
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Posted on: May 23 10, 09:13 |
Babylonian
Group: Gold Member
Posts: 66
Joined: 14-May 09
Member No.: 798
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Somehow the distance seems wider, impossible almost
I should have known that our tide would run its course, when visions of him lay so awkwardly strewn, tattooed behind your smile, and betrayed by your eyes, as he frolics among the rapids of yesterday
And me hoping, foolishly hoping not quite the perfect painting that you were searching for, Somehow the strokes were off or maybe it was just the way the light seemed to bounce off the barren landscape of my heart
How do I conquer this mirage? when I am just thirsty. for love, true love How I wish this season would pass I love you, but I see nothing, but winter In your eyes… |
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Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011
· Post Preview: #121595
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Posted on: Apr 19 10, 03:14 |
Babylonian
Group: Gold Member
Posts: 66
Joined: 14-May 09
Member No.: 798
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And while the fog rolled upon the moors of discontent…
She half-smiled from her dimly lit corner reliving ecstasy's memories, again. He felt hollow, somehow Stripped bare beneath the elements of this dismal dwelling, drowning in shades of sepia. It was all coming undone, words not spoken, echoing forever between the halls of empty spaces among quiet murmurs rising, a murderer's heart
Too heavy was this burden that weighed upon his soul, dreams once so anticipated, so eagerly held against that soft glimmer of hope so long ago, now turned to dust and scattered with the winds
He wondered, at that moment if maybe salvation, his answer lay beyond these sad, empty spaces… |
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Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011
· Post Preview: #121245
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