Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > All posts by a member
| Posted on: Nov 1 05, 17:11 | |
 Babylonian  Group: Gold Member Posts: 80 Joined: 25-January 04 From: Alpharetta, Ga. Member No.: 52 
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 Hi, Nina!  Cold or hot.....this poem is excellent. Love the twist at the end! Strange that we usually long for the opposit season while in the midst of another. That's why I love fall the best.....warm sun, with a cool nip to the air. Ahhhh....! Best line: (Faceless figures, coveting shelter). I kept seeing a little kid wrapped up in layers of clothing, mummified with scarf, mittens, and wool knitted hat. No face!) Great job.  Lady E. |
| Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #58759 · Replies: 10 · Views: 3,061 |
| Posted on: Oct 30 05, 20:10 | |
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Babylonian Group: Gold Member Posts: 80 Joined: 25-January 04 From: Alpharetta, Ga. Member No.: 52
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:D Thanks Cathy! And yes, this is the beginning of what I intend to develope into a story (Fantasy/Fairytale). Still needs work. I'm already trimming and pruning. And with your kind help, I can now see the forest through the trees. Or is it trees through the forest?  Again, thanks for the help. Take care: Elaine |
| Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #58601 · Replies: 7 · Views: 2,117 |
| Posted on: Oct 30 05, 16:01 | |
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Babylonian Group: Gold Member Posts: 80 Joined: 25-January 04 From: Alpharetta, Ga. Member No.: 52
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Nina, Thanks so much for all your helpful tips and corrections. I wrote this late at night and had to leave much of the editing for today. (Sunday) With your help, it was a lot easier. :D Hope you enjoyed the 'magical' journey. Not sure where I'm going with this one....thought I'd branch out a little and maybe write a story using the beginning and some of the rest. We'll see. Never know where the muse is going to lead us, do we? Take care, Elaine |
| Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #58571 · Replies: 7 · Views: 2,117 |
| Posted on: Oct 29 05, 18:53 | |
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Babylonian Group: Gold Member Posts: 80 Joined: 25-January 04 From: Alpharetta, Ga. Member No.: 52
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The Breath of Magic Before the sundering, when Life fell new from the World tree as golden and ripe as new pears unbruised by the first fall, magic walked openly in the land. As the Elves of Auldenglen hold true the Book of Days, they write of a time when peace and safety were shared by all: One Land---many voices: where the language of beasts and man, forest and sea, fire and wind, and all living things wove its pattern of understanding and fellowship into one fabric, one dance, One Tree.... And Magic was the life's blood of that Tree. To speak of magic, be not deceived. All that is called by magic’s name is not magic, nor the Voice that sets it free. For shadow now walks the Land, yielding neither clarity nor vision: true pathways that once divided dark from light, truth from deception, now hide in mist upon unstable ground, forgotten or forsaken. Dark are the empty places of the world full of promises and false hopes! Hear their voices chanting--- the rage of wind, fire, water and stone; the division of stars and moons--- they seek visions and brew herbs; they ground bones and seek power where none who are wise dare to summon or look thereon. Honest folk seek knowledge--- an offer of comfort, the touch of healing when hope falls away.... Others, whether foolish or bold, spiteful or careless, stray too far into the dark.......lost! Each in their own way hunger for that one precious moment when magic comes alive in their hand, called by their will harnessed and channeled into whatever they please. They are deceived. For true magic seeks neither glory nor power of its own. Those who seek it, find it not; Those who would bend it to their will--fail. Ask first, is this the cloth of life that springs fulfilled from the heart of the world? Or poor withered things stirred by spiteful craft into winter's bitter brew? To heal or curse? Or hide in shame? What of power and fame? Can you summon hope from a magician's hat? Or coax love from a human heart sprinkled with rosemary and sage? I say to you, Beware! Magic is true and holds much more than this! Feel the wind, cool to comfort when the day is warm. Is magic the wind? The touch that whispers healing balm? Or rather the heart that leaps within us, laughing with joy at the dance of heaven's first breath enfolding. See rather a seed, dying. How cold lays Death's cradle! Crude soil beneath our palm! And yet, the first touch of sunlight withstands even Death's strongest lock; but who turns the key? Is it the sun? Magic seeks its own fire. Will you find it there? No, friend. Nor in the fragil casings of that withered frond; but in life itself, responding to another's Will...breaking free! The Word spoken, fovever searching for that one place that welcomes Life and Love and Peace, never returns empty or lifeless, but fulfilled unto the purpose for which it was sent. Find the Voice and you will find the key; and live! Seek magic in the One who sets you free; and live again! For until Fear knew its name, all was well with the world. Be still, and listen....and you will find the Voice. Therein, magic sleeps. Awaken! |
| Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #58452 · Replies: 7 · Views: 2,117 |
| Posted on: Oct 29 05, 17:22 | |
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Babylonian Group: Gold Member Posts: 80 Joined: 25-January 04 From: Alpharetta, Ga. Member No.: 52
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A beautiful weave of images and creative inspiration.  Nature weaves its true path in obedience to the Creator's design. There is much we can learn from that simple obedience and determination. Have you ever walked the same garden path, only to find that the web you tore through yesterday, has returned again across your path today? If you break its pattern again, tomorrow will find it waiting for you in the exact same spot. Foolish spider, you think. Spin your web elsewhere. Yet, we must admire that simple determination to obey the driving force of its life call. Perhaps we can learn a lesson here? Perhaps. Love your imagery and choice of words. Keep weaving....Hugs: Elaine |
| Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #58440 · Replies: 4 · Views: 1,592 |
| Posted on: Aug 24 04, 17:53 | |
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Babylonian Group: Gold Member Posts: 80 Joined: 25-January 04 From: Alpharetta, Ga. Member No.: 52
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Hi Face! :wave: :wave: I love the clean, simplicity of this poem. It makes a statement, then leaves us to ponder further....released by time to wander infinity. Like opening a flood gate and releasing our sorrow. Well done!! :pharoah2 Hugs: Lady E |
| Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #19549 · Replies: 5 · Views: 2,152 |
| Posted on: Aug 22 04, 12:19 | |
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Babylonian Group: Gold Member Posts: 80 Joined: 25-January 04 From: Alpharetta, Ga. Member No.: 52
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Hi Gena! :wave: :wave: Thanks for your suggestions about the puncuation. Thought I'd change it to see if it reads better.....and perhaps using less stop signs along the way may free the reader to interpet the flow of the poem for themselves....using their own mental voice to move with the words. Thanks for the suggestions!! :pharoah2 Smiles: Elaine |
| Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #19447 · Replies: 9 · Views: 3,257 |
| Posted on: Aug 22 04, 12:02 | |
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Babylonian Group: Gold Member Posts: 80 Joined: 25-January 04 From: Alpharetta, Ga. Member No.: 52
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 Anytime, Lori! :wave: Elaine |
| Forum: Forum FAQs · Post Preview: #19445 · Replies: 18 · Views: 22,970 |
| Posted on: Aug 21 04, 13:14 | |
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Babylonian Group: Gold Member Posts: 80 Joined: 25-January 04 From: Alpharetta, Ga. Member No.: 52
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Thanks everyone! For all your kind comments and observations. Glad you enjoyed Winter's Dream because it's very special too me....written four years ago just after my mother past away. It was late in the winter and I had just moved to Georgia. Started writting poetry soon after and this was my first effort. And of all I've written, this is still my favorite. Happy writting everyone. Lady E |
| Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #19419 · Replies: 9 · Views: 3,257 |
| Posted on: Aug 21 04, 12:55 | |
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Babylonian Group: Gold Member Posts: 80 Joined: 25-January 04 From: Alpharetta, Ga. Member No.: 52
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Hi Lori! This is really stunning. You've gathered all the wonderful shivery images of winter and flowed them together into a seamless melody. Loved it! My favorite: with a shiver and a smile Lovely! Hugs: Lady E |
| Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Exhibition Prior to 2006 · Post Preview: #53082 · Replies: 5 · Views: 4,177 |
| Posted on: Aug 21 04, 12:48 | |
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Babylonian Group: Gold Member Posts: 80 Joined: 25-January 04 From: Alpharetta, Ga. Member No.: 52
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Winter's Dream Silence. The dark wood sleeps, locked in ice and solitude, dreaming…. Silence. The night wind prays, breathless and still, dreaming…. Silence. The snowflakes fall through moonlit mist and shadowed hall, dreaming…. Silence, I pray thee. Walk softly here and wake me not, for I am winter, dreaming. |
| Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Exhibition Prior to 2006 · Post Preview: #52954 · Replies: 2 · Views: 9,573 |
| Posted on: Aug 21 04, 09:37 | |
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Babylonian Group: Gold Member Posts: 80 Joined: 25-January 04 From: Alpharetta, Ga. Member No.: 52
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Hello Charon! What kind of artwork would you be interested in? I have only a small amount of experience with digital art, but can work easily in oils, watercolor and pencil. There isn't a subject or theme that doesn't interest me. Most of my work tends to be rich in color, texture and realism, even if the subject matter happens to be a dragon rather than a still life. Tell me more about your project and book. And what you envision as a cover and/or illustrations throughout. Then I can tell if I'm qualified to help you. Talk to you soon, Elaine PS: email is Evergr1653@aol.com |
| Forum: Forum FAQs · Post Preview: #19396 · Replies: 18 · Views: 22,970 |
| Posted on: Aug 21 04, 09:16 | |
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Babylonian Group: Gold Member Posts: 80 Joined: 25-January 04 From: Alpharetta, Ga. Member No.: 52
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Winter's Dream Silence. The dark wood sleeps locked in ice and solitude, dreaming…. Silence. The night wind prays breathless and still, dreaming…. Silence. The snowflakes fall through moonlit mist and shadowed hall, dreaming…. Silence, I pray thee. Walk softly here and wake me not, for I am winter, dreaming. |
| Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #19395 · Replies: 9 · Views: 3,257 |
| Posted on: Aug 20 04, 16:57 | |
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Babylonian Group: Gold Member Posts: 80 Joined: 25-January 04 From: Alpharetta, Ga. Member No.: 52
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Hey, Ron! Much to ponder here.  To rhyme or not to rhyme...that's not the question; rather, to rhyme or not, whatever pleases you....just do it well!  For me, I'm torn between sqeezing words into a metric girdle every time the muse inspires me or trying something different for a change. Haven't made up my mind. But good verse, metric or free, is still great reading. I enjoy both. Just can't get the hang of free verse yet....from a writers point of view, that is.  Guess I'll never know unless I try. Time, as they say, will tell. Just as you poem pointed out. Great poem, by the way. You took a tough subject and made it fun! Thanks! :pharoah2 Lady E |
| Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #19312 · Replies: 11 · Views: 2,814 |
| Posted on: Aug 20 04, 16:51 | |
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Babylonian Group: Gold Member Posts: 80 Joined: 25-January 04 From: Alpharetta, Ga. Member No.: 52
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:pharoah2 Great poem David! My favorite lines: Hades' forbidden dreams, the angels sing on revelations of her mirrored dress ...behold my feathered guest.... Sometimes we need to take a breath and slow down...there's so much beauty around us, even in the small, intricate details found within one small creature. You have captured that moment and held it out to us. Thanks you. Lovely images and thoughtful observation. Great work!!!!! Lady E |
| Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #19311 · Replies: 12 · Views: 3,152 |
| Posted on: Aug 18 04, 19:48 | |
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Babylonian Group: Gold Member Posts: 80 Joined: 25-January 04 From: Alpharetta, Ga. Member No.: 52
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HI to one and all: And thanks for all of your comments and suggestions. I haven't had a chance to rework any changes yet.....maybe this weekend. A heavy work schedual and frequent allergy attacks have interrupted my free time this week. (Breathing would be nice....and actually seeing the computer screen without the hazy blur? That would be heavenly!) Daniel: Thanks for you imput. You put a lot of thought into your comments and I appreciate all of them. I hadn't intended writing a ballad, though.....more like a short epic heading, eventually, towards a longer one. Just had to write it down quickly before I lost the story and my muse deserted me. (Sometimes the story takes over before the poet can rework all the mechanics.) PS: I like your suggestion using ('ere) instead of (before). David: Thanks for picking up on the 'trotting horse' meter, which was exactly what I was aiming for....too bad the story ran away with the meter from the sixth stanza on. I'll have to round 'em up and see if I can tame this wild beast! :) As for: to Maiden or not to Maid, I'm not sure which would sound better. I guess I wanted the story to end with a short, hard sound.......like using an exclamation mark. I'll have to reconsider....maybe there's a better way. We'll see. Thanks for enjoying the story. Now...back to the drawing board. JGD: Really appreciate your suggestions as well. Seeing the poem by using the scan method (-///--) really helped a lot. Though I like poems that adhere to a metric pattern, I sometimes like to break out of the pattern in order provide a little variety or releif from the constant...ta da ta da ta da da da. The trick, perhaps, is learning to do so in a more consisitant way....so the reader isn't left wondering when 'to get back on the horse'. AH-HA! ( The light bulb just went on!) Thanks Everyone! I get it! :pharoah2 PS: Lothguard is a place....a mountain fortress that overlooks the plains of the south. The highest tower shelters the Sword of Light. The Kings of Lothguard, by tradition, also take on the name of the tower as their proper name, almost like a title....thus, Lothgar. Shadowed held....trying for a double meaning here: held by the Dark forces gathering in the plains below as well as by the fears that come in the darkest hours of the night. Again, thanks everyone. :) Elaine |
| Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #19237 · Replies: 8 · Views: 2,292 |
| Posted on: Aug 16 04, 07:19 | |
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Babylonian Group: Gold Member Posts: 80 Joined: 25-January 04 From: Alpharetta, Ga. Member No.: 52
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Sword of Light Seven great lords before battle met upon Lothguard’s High tower. Dire the need that drew them there. And dark their foe’s dread power. Shadowed held, poured out as wine, hearts grow cold when death draws nigh. Yet, seven stood, where other’s fled. And marked the hour---blood red. Encircled stone, one sword to wield; of the seven, who would lead? One by one, in turn, they kneeled; and touched the blade that would not yield. Lothgar’s son, now prince turned king reached forth his hand to cold, dull steal. Silence drew breath and held each heart waiting, in hope, for the darkness to part. Ice draws blood; metal burns cold. By sweat and strength, however bold, dull the blade in darkness sealed--- the Sword of Light would not yield. Metal fallen---a stone in the silence clamors rings. Lothgar’s son bows his head; nor would he try again. Another steps forward, grim of face, yet strong and true. And from the stone, the Sword of Light he drew. Ice draws blood; metal burns cold. Timeless flames from winter’s soul; Dull the blade in darkness still Unyielding to a Great Lord’s will. When all but one had tested their might, they turned with hope to the last bold knight. Beneath the tower, ever closer---a vast, unearthly roar! A dark host marching across field and moor! Dawn walks near, matching shadow with blood. A red sun rising with the dark enemy’s flood. One hope steps forward, with head bent low. One hope kneels, praying, steady and slow. From shadowed night to dawn’s eyes revealed, the great lords stir with sudden dreadful zeal. What knight is this? From what Hall called forth? We alone, seven strong, were chosen to ride North. Was not Sir Duncan the last to kneel? Upon the faith of seven knights, bound and sealed? An olden knight, great in deeds and renown? Then…who is this who kneels before us now? Lost in prayer, hands folded fast; slight of form, yet armored clasped, the youthful knight uttered a silent plea, “Let not all Light end with me!” Then, before prince or lord could raise steel aloft, Aydelynn stood free and tore both gauntlets off! And grasped the blade among anguished cries and sang a prayer as from a child’s lullaby… “Ice draws blood; but a tear gives light! Metal burns cold; but a heart burns bright! Strength draws blood; but love ends strife! Darkness dulls hope; but light holds life!” Wind answered the waiting stone tower, filling the room with sudden holy power. Alive danced the shadows that fled with the wind. and dawn woke anew as the Sword burned again. Held in the Hand of a Maid! |
| Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #19153 · Replies: 8 · Views: 2,292 |
| Posted on: Aug 16 04, 07:10 | |
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Babylonian Group: Gold Member Posts: 80 Joined: 25-January 04 From: Alpharetta, Ga. Member No.: 52
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Hi, Daniel! Really loved the format....it gave the message an interesting platform to work from. Perhaps my past experience backpacking with my uncle in the Seirras triggered a deeper response to the theme. Nothing brings you closer to your own mortality, and to God, than wandering in the wilderness for a week, knowing that every step should be considered carefully....even when overwhelmed by the breathtaking views. Enjoyed this Thanks for the memories. :) Elaiane |
| Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #19152 · Replies: 3 · Views: 1,702 |
| Posted on: Aug 16 04, 06:56 | |
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Babylonian Group: Gold Member Posts: 80 Joined: 25-January 04 From: Alpharetta, Ga. Member No.: 52
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Hi, Eisa! Read the revision first....loved it. Great movement and style, almost the same gentle sway as tall trees in a forest. Beautifully done. My favorite: ...while Autumn twirls her balet shoes.... In fact, I have so many favorite lines its hard to decide which one's best.  Really enjoyed this....:) Elaine |
| Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #19151 · Replies: 15 · Views: 3,694 |
| Posted on: Aug 14 04, 12:12 | |
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Babylonian Group: Gold Member Posts: 80 Joined: 25-January 04 From: Alpharetta, Ga. Member No.: 52
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Hello, Dove:  Love the images evoked when reading this poem. I could feel the damp, rainy day right down to my toes curled in wet grass. Beautifully done. As far as the ( , I'd leave them out. Then don't really add to the meaning of the poem. If anything, I would use italics for:...and the Goddess sighed.... or And the Goddess sighed. Just a suggestion. Play around with it and see what you come up with. Though, it is lovely as it stands. Happy writting: Elaine |
| Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #19114 · Replies: 7 · Views: 2,725 |
| Posted on: May 20 04, 07:50 | |
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Babylonian Group: Gold Member Posts: 80 Joined: 25-January 04 From: Alpharetta, Ga. Member No.: 52
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Thanks, Larry. I wrote this one with the purpose of reminding myself and others that all our hopes and dreams should not be bricked up or locked behind closed door permenately without consequences. Set aside for a while, perhaps, but not ignored. Hope I have accomplished what I set out to do with this poem. As always, I appreciate your generous comments. Have a great week. Elaine |
| Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #15921 · Replies: 6 · Views: 2,173 |
| Posted on: May 16 04, 18:37 | |
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Babylonian Group: Gold Member Posts: 80 Joined: 25-January 04 From: Alpharetta, Ga. Member No.: 52
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Love this one! Had me in stitches....great Zeus! Elaine |
| Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #15753 · Replies: 4 · Views: 1,784 |
| Posted on: May 16 04, 08:32 | |
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Babylonian Group: Gold Member Posts: 80 Joined: 25-January 04 From: Alpharetta, Ga. Member No.: 52
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The Door Tattered edges fray this carpet where my feet have trod so often; purple threads in mustard yellow cannot soften, rough or tallow, hope's last passage to this door. Mindless wonder, Have I passed this way before? Ah…the answer, smoothly woven: upstairs, downstairs, then once more; retrace my steps around each corner through the house I once adored. Sealed in candle wax upon the floor. Follow quickly, shadows fleeing walls of secrets closing in; wild the weave and twice decieving tallow patches that descend--- a midnight hallway, all but stolen before a faded closet door. Strange? I thought I locked you once before? Treacherous wooden face! Wayward unfaithful friend! Once I left you closed and sealed; now to find you cruelly opened, once again revealed! When did I forget to bar the way? Where was I when my feet began to stray? All my treasures, hopes and dreams tarnished silver on dust worn seams caught barefoot, lost and unaware before this door, upon this stair. A careless thought to vanquish you-- that memory's flower would somehow fade, worn thin upon some lost forgotten page between the years of stolen youth hidden beyond the light of truth. Ah...so many doors and empty rooms, tangled threads of purple hue, shades of lavender unrelenting, shadows thick and webs deceiving ...where are you leading? A key! A key! I need a key! Once I had one…that I do remember. Pain worn and fragile, it lay against my heart all through December. When tea was at two and sunlight flooded the pages of June, I walked this way often, softly silent, without slippers, treading upon a lilac path… that none should hear, to pry or laugh. And there I found you, silent, waiting-- sitting with the sunlight fading, upon the bench meant just for two. In a garden, waiting.... ....but for who? Nothing now, the scene is fading far beyond the hope of reason and against all tangled will... the scent of jasmine lingers still. No! Do not tempt me more! Someone come and close this door! Would that I had nailed you shut; placed brick upon mortared brick until none could pass without hearing that last fatal click! Ah…then. What good would it have done? Winter embraces the hope of spring even in her darkest hour, without thought or care for the price of pain she may borrow. Perhaps, she'll open this door one day. In the spring, when tea is at two and hope again begins to bloom. But for now, it is far too soon. Fading threads upon the stairs, candle wax no longer there… where have you gone? So many rooms, all strange and wrong, upstairs, downstairs, then once more; still no trace memory's door. Mindless wonder, ...have I passed this way before? |
| Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #15729 · Replies: 6 · Views: 2,173 |
| Posted on: May 10 04, 12:32 | |
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Babylonian Group: Gold Member Posts: 80 Joined: 25-January 04 From: Alpharetta, Ga. Member No.: 52
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Thanks you, Lindi and Lucie! Glad you enjoyed the tale as much as I did rewritting one of my favorite childrens tale. Hope you all had a wonderful Mother's Day. :sun: hugs: Elaine |
| Forum: ARCHIVES -> Forum Awards -> Great Wall of... · Post Preview: #15570 · Replies: 5 · Views: 3,892 |
| Posted on: May 7 04, 19:35 | |
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Babylonian Group: Gold Member Posts: 80 Joined: 25-January 04 From: Alpharetta, Ga. Member No.: 52
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Thanks Daniah! Looking forward to reading some of yours as well. Have a great week. :sun: Elaine |
| Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #15513 · Replies: 13 · Views: 3,308 |
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