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Posted on: Nov 11 06, 23:10 |
Assyrian
Group: Gold Member
Posts: 203
Joined: 3-August 03
Member No.: 11
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Forum: Introduce Yourself
· Post Preview: #86968
· Replies: 9
· Views: 5,416
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Posted on: Nov 2 06, 13:59 |
Assyrian
Group: Gold Member
Posts: 203
Joined: 3-August 03
Member No.: 11
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And here I thought I just had the barfy flu. All the time, it was just a reaction to your stinky poetry! LOL! Yeah, my big white oversized glow in the dark patootey! Talk about false modesty, Miss Super Poet! THBBBBPPPPTTTT! You should know by now that my green pallor is from JEALOUSY! Neener!
BTW, your rev is great! Now everything is nice and tight and super potent. Just like you like your boys! Wicked laugh!
Well, my Dearest, I gots ta run and pick up a Pee-Wee from kindergarten. I'll try to come back and wreak some havoc just so as you won't be lonely!
BIGGEST HUG! Nef
PS Your poem reminds me of me 'cept I'm not a boy and I'm NOT DEAD YET (in my best Monty Python impersonation)!!! |
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Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011
· Post Preview: #86453
· Replies: 44
· Views: 17,022
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Posted on: Nov 2 06, 13:55 |
Assyrian
Group: Gold Member
Posts: 203
Joined: 3-August 03
Member No.: 11
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Hel-roh Everybody!
Rwow! You guys really know how to make a cold dead mummified body feel welcome!!!
Now, was far as where I've been and what I've been up to, NOT TELLING! Nope, you tan't make me! THbbbbpt!!! And, Mr. Daniel, Sir, what a lovely owed, I mean, ode but I think miscreant sticks like glue! Just ask ANYBOdY@! LOL!
And, yes, heed's Amethyst (who will ALWAYS be Relli to me) - touch my & 's and DIE Foolish Mortals! DIE!
I tan't promise I'll actually write anything (I'm pretty much stickin' to lyrics and then, not even doin' much there - DUH!) but I sure tan make tings messy 'round these here parts! Yea -ha! (Having an attack of multiple personalities. Evidently, it's hereditary.)
Whall, y'all have a great day and thanks so much fer stoppin' by ta give me a howdy-do! Now, I'm off to raid my kids' Halloween candy before they get home from school. My BaD!
HUGS! |
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Forum: Introduce Yourself
· Post Preview: #86452
· Replies: 9
· Views: 5,416
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Posted on: Oct 24 06, 14:54 |
Assyrian
Group: Gold Member
Posts: 203
Joined: 3-August 03
Member No.: 11
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Hello My Relli!
Well, I must say that the temporary rev is pretty awesome! The original piece was good, but you've taken it up a level or two with the changes. You are always so potent in your verbage. I give homage to the master!
BIGGEST HUGS!
Miscreant Me |
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Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011
· Post Preview: #85896
· Replies: 44
· Views: 17,022
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Posted on: Oct 24 06, 14:49 |
Assyrian
Group: Gold Member
Posts: 203
Joined: 3-August 03
Member No.: 11
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Hey Cleo!
I'm basically critless on this one. Typical Cleo genius! (How's that for a little hinney kissin'?)
And I LOVE the avatar!
Dis my favorite time of year!
WHOOPPEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011
· Post Preview: #85895
· Replies: 13
· Views: 3,903
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Posted on: Jan 14 06, 14:49 |
Assyrian
Group: Gold Member
Posts: 203
Joined: 3-August 03
Member No.: 11
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Hi!
I really enjoyed this piece. It has a great feel to it. Nostalgic without being overly sentimental. I thoroughly related to it. Well conveyed and nicely done! Okay, now I'll take an anemic crack at a crit for you. Mostly, I just beg for commas!
Drifting days that once were mine,(Nice opening! ) When I was young and free. (This thought seems incomplete - I expect to be lead somewhere wonderful and find a period instead. Maybe a comma that leads to the next line and a period at the end of that one.) I watched over your meadows green (Okay, maybe a period wouldn't work here because this line seems to be tied to the next one.) A lingering moment that was gone too quickly,("too quickly gone" perchance?) I turned my eyes toward distant fields, And pushed my feet down a different path. Now I sit with memories, watching younger Fools pass your (Where did your come from? Should the tense be "my" or how about "this"?) way They’re in their drifting days. (Love the way you pulled that together.)
Drifting days that once were mine (comma, please) I wandered through them casually (Semi-colon if the thought on the line is tied to the next or period if it isn't.) Picking out to place in mind Vivid memories, they have no place or time (period - I get LOST without puncutation.) Contented moments in quiet solitude, Rushing interludes that sweep the dusty cobwebs Stirring the lingering aftertaste of the presence Of your warmth, That is molded in the background of my mind.
This is really a beautiful piece. I hope I didn't butch it with my crit. It's resoundingly lovely! Thanks for the read!
B. |
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Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011
· Post Preview: #64798
· Replies: 5
· Views: 1,804
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Posted on: Jan 14 06, 14:36 |
Assyrian
Group: Gold Member
Posts: 203
Joined: 3-August 03
Member No.: 11
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Hey!
This is massively impressive! You really developed this extrodinarily well! Very intreguing premis. Great use of vocab. While long, it does not lose interest. Very thought provoking. And, being on the borderline of germaphobia, I'm off to thoroughly wash my hands when I'm finished here! EEEK!
I have some minor crits - mostly just little punctuation thingies that are the kinda thing that makes me happy. If you don't like 'em, just pretend I'm your spouse and ingore me! LOL! Hope they help.
I truly know that I exist but what I am, I do not know. I will continue, I insist I have to live, I have to grow.
Generated in the putrid slime of cess pits far below the earth,.(lose the period) I had to come it was my time. Perchance I was a virgin birth.
I know to live I must needs eat and absorb all I come across. With every living thing compete.(same as above - comma & chuck the period) Each meal I gain, another’s loss.
I gain much more from meals than food(dash or comma - your choice) I gain the contents of a mind. My present state of knowledge, crude.(semi-colon? The thought seems incomplete to me.) But who knows what next I will find.
At last I reach the light of day.(lose the period) Where the small animals abound and gladly on them I will prey. Each meal brings knowledge I have found.
To gain more knowledge I ingest small mammals who’re afraid of me Their higher minds add interest. I know that they use eyes to see(Now I want a period)
Now I decide that I must rest and classify my memories. I put my knowledge to the test, develop three eyes easily.
These mammals have four legs to move. Whilst I just ooze along the ground, I search within my treasure trove and I grow legs with which to bound.
I can seek now for larger prey But I must do so carefully. Conspicuous by the light of day (comma please) my growing size easy to see.
I fear no foe of my own size(a dash, perhaps?) They don’t know how to deal with me, they’re dead before they realise. I pick their brains clean instantly.
Then suddenly I cannot see (a dash, perhaps?) the light has gone I don’t know why. I lie in wait defensively I have more thoughts to classify.
I learn facts from my random store(comma please) understand the loss of light and know that morning will restore the faculty I have of sight.
Instinctively I know to hide from man (comma please)my greatest enemy. The minds I have absorbed inside have made that very clear to me.
So warily I watch and wait there is so much for me to learn. As slowly my thoughts percolate I must examine each in turn.
I gather man is powerful and that his species rule the earth. He will present an obstacle to overcome and prove my worth.
I do not have a name as yet. But I am certain I’m the one that creatures see and don’t forget. I instil fear I am unknown.
I can now change my shape at will, appear to be what I am not. I can quickly adapt my skill, faster than the speed of thought.
I must consume a living man absorb his mind while it is whole. I have no doubt at all I can.(This phrase is a bit akward to me. I'm not quite catching what your'e trying to convey. Sorry.) I do so and I taste his soul.
A flavour that is new to me but one I find that I enjoy. I test it analytically, I discover it was a boy.
A junior member of the race who has not reached maturity. but still my knowledge grows apace. I know enough to guarantee.
This world is mine alone to rule I will absorb them one by one. They are not difficult to fool so I will feast til they are gone.
I like the name the boy called me, his final words before he died(Now I want a period) In terror he called "God help me" and now I have him safe inside.
I learn that God’s omnipotent, all powerful and in control. Which closely mirrors my intent, to rule this world (comma please)my final goal.
My name is God, soon men will know that I have come to take their place. Their time is up (comma please)they have to go to make room for a greater race.
At present I am singular but I can multiply at will. My fluid form crepuscular(comma please) I have the knowledge and the skill.
Though you may fight you cannot win(dash) this battle you are sure to lose. I am the first born of my kin, your time is drawing to its close.
You’re easy to identify(dash) to you I am a mystery. Accept your fate(comma) prepare to die(dash) it’s foreordained(comma) it has to be. |
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Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011
· Post Preview: #64797
· Replies: 6
· Views: 2,616
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Posted on: Dec 8 05, 14:53 |
Assyrian
Group: Gold Member
Posts: 203
Joined: 3-August 03
Member No.: 11
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Whal, Marcia, that she-devil if a mother-in-law be cross-eyed as a drunken monkey in a liquor shop n' she tends ta wear mini shorts that be a couple sizes too smal fer her. She dun died her gray hair blond and her arse is the size of a buick pick-up. An ifn't ye shoot the wrong in-laws, it's doubtful ye'll hear any complainin'!
An, ya knows, fer all yer faults, yer still a gud nebbor! Yer more n welcome ta any old squirrel I gots and ye kin evin come overta Chrissmus and have some o that thar possum wit me! Bring yer own moonshine, though.
OH boy, we is bad, ain't we? Whall, ifn that woman tweren't so ignorant and ornery, I'd have no problem wit her. But she is and I aint' got no patience wit that type o' thinkin'! (Or lack there of, as the case may be! LOL!)
Well, Marcia, I think we've beaten that into the ground!!! LOL! You have some fun and don't et up any squirrels that ere foamin' at the mouth!
Big Hugs, B. |
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Forum: ARCHIVES -> MMHC (Holiday Classic) -> Hal...
· Post Preview: #62523
· Replies: 31
· Views: 13,330
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Posted on: Dec 7 05, 21:27 |
Assyrian
Group: Gold Member
Posts: 203
Joined: 3-August 03
Member No.: 11
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Whal, seein' as it tis Crimuss n' all, I 'spose I kin overlook a squirrel er two jest best stay 'way from them thar possum or I ain't be havin' no Crismuss supper at my shack! Now, if yer keen on it, mebbe I kin even give ya a squirrel er two ifn' ye'd point that ol' shot gun at the mean ol' rottin' shrew of a muther-in'tlaw I got me. Then I'd see my way straight ta give ya all the squirrels ya culd ever dream of! I give ya me word on that! I"d be o' like mine ta do the same ta yers ifn' ya need me to!
Oh, best stop now before I get myself into some real trouble, Marcia! LOL! I"m sure you've seen that forwarded email about removing the stains from killing the mother-in-law. Well, I printed that one up and framed it! LOL!
You have yourself a Merry Little Christmas and let your heart be light!
Big Hugs, B. |
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Forum: ARCHIVES -> MMHC (Holiday Classic) -> Hal...
· Post Preview: #62519
· Replies: 31
· Views: 13,330
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Posted on: Dec 6 05, 12:51 |
Assyrian
Group: Gold Member
Posts: 203
Joined: 3-August 03
Member No.: 11
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Why thank ye kindly, Marcia! I knowed this dun brought out tha inner red-neck in ya, didn't it? LOL! I'm working on a piece whining about my rotten in-laws and how they ruin Christmas! (I think I did one like that a couple years ago, too, but it's MIA. Hmmmm, hubster may have destroyed the evidence! LOL! ) Oh, there is no end to the kinda trouble I can get into when I start letting stuff outta my head! I think my red-hair is a way of warning people of danger if they come too close! LOL!
Whall, y'll have a grand ol' daddy o' a holiday season and quit yer poachin' squirrel offa my land! Ya hear?
Big Hugs, B. |
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Forum: ARCHIVES -> MMHC (Holiday Classic) -> Hal...
· Post Preview: #62515
· Replies: 31
· Views: 13,330
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