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Cleo_Serapis
vic.gif Calling all writers of the Mosaic! Viking.gif

The time has come to nominate a member who you feel best demonstrated the CRITIQUE in FEBRUARY. writersblock.gif

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Nominate a member here by replying to this tile.

The award:
*Laurel Wreath

*Graphic provided by
Celtic Castle Designs


The details:
  • Choose at least TWO posts critiqued by the member you'd like to nominate from the month of FEBRUARY. *You can do this by utilizing our 'sort by topic started' OR last post date' and 'descending sort' functions located at the bottom of each forum's page display and then look to make sure the critique replies were made in February as well. detective.gif
  • Post the two examples in this thread.
  • Post only the CRITIQUES.
  • Make sure your examples are from the month of FEBRUARY.
  • State the tile's name, author and forum the critique was replied to.
  • Eligible forums:
    Herme's Homilies and Seren's Synapse for poetry COM nominations
    Stonehenge and Loch Ness for Prose COM nominations
Nominations will be taken through May 21st, 2006.

Additional note: If more than one member is nominated for the COM award, this tile will serve as a balloting process. We will create a POLL and the members will vote the winner.


Good luck all! king.gif cheer.gif
Thank you for helping to build the Mosaic! lovie.gif dance.gif

~ Mosaic Musings Staff knight.gif Pharoah.gif cali.gif troy.gif vic.gif Viking.gif tut.gif knight.gif
Toumai
Hi Lori

I would like to nominate Don as COM for February.

Examples of his crits include

Siren's Searching
http://forums.mosaicmusings.net/index.php?showtopic=7039

QUOTE (Don @ Feb 11 06, 21:12 ) *
<font color='#000000'>Hi Dani,

I wish at this time to only consider the following:

Night's song bend us with your beat,
shifting our pace to your dulcet rhythmic tune.
Wet grass, cool this building heat.
Longing, flow into the dune
of time. From your magic we are not immune.


Because I wish to put "beat" at end of line two, I suggest interchanging first two lines and their last words.

Shifting our pace to you dulcet rhythmic beat,
nights' song bend us with your tune.

I'll probably be back.

Don</font>

and

QUOTE (Don @ Feb 13 06, 15:25 ) *
<font color='#000000'>Hi Dani,

Previous suggestion to change line endings would also have transgressed required rhyme scheme, which I have since learned from finding rules of a Lira.

I view your presentation as three separate Lira, perhaps connected by sensual theme. Perhaps the first is most romantically sensual of the three to set the theme for all three.

I usually find your poetry to be sensual and attuned to nature as these are.

It is interesting that each Lira has an entity being invited to join with a silent participant or participants.
Eyes are invited to close, etc.
Night's song is invited to entertain.
Fireflies are invited to join.

I suggest another word for "rise" in second line because it has same meaning as "upwards" in same line. "Touch" comes to mind, but surely there is a better action verb.

In the second line of the second Lira you may want to exchange "dulcet/rhythmic" toward normal speech.

You expanded my vocabulary looking into dictionary for gavotte.

Thanks for sharing and introducing me to Lira format.

Don</font>

A second example is from Aggiel's I Walk On
http://forums.mosaicmusings.net/index.php?showtopic=7150

QUOTE (Don @ Feb 19 06, 15:28 ) *
<font color='#000000'>Hi Aggie,

Very well done.

It sounds very smooth and has a mysterious quality emphasing colors with dream, scheme, and personal achievment.

I interpret that you are conciously advancing toward an unlikely aspiration (flighty dream). Note that it is singular instead of plural. Flighty could also refer to etheral. It has wings like an angel.

Blue usually denotes cold, which in this case may be reality of I know not what (heaven perhaps). The narrow path metaphor is employed in Christian religion a lot.

Yellow denotes warmth, which in this case alludes to the comforting features of your goal...maybe part of the impossible or unlikely.

I am uncertain of your weaving an impossible scheme. Scheme lends heavy connotation of personal effort and planned intention. It denotes ill intentions more than say the word plan.

I like the link between inflamed and yellow tone.

Don</font>


Plus a bonus analysis of R&M terminology in discussion with Ron in jgdittier's Snow
http://forums.mosaicmusings.net/index.php?showtopic=7083

Fran
Cathy
I second Fran's nomination of Don! dance.gif

Cathy
Jox
Hi all,

Fran thanks for doing the hard work on tracking crits.

I, too, would to support Fran's nomination of Don. He also makes some wonderfully quirky observations, which are one of MM's joys.

J.
Nina
Hi Lori

I'm going to go with the crowd and support Don's nomination.

Nina
Cleo_Serapis
Me too Nina!

Great Nomination Fran! thumbsup.gif

~Cleo cheer.gif
Cleo_Serapis
Its unanimous! MusicBand.gif

DON - congrats to your nominations and win of 'CRITIQUER OF THE MONTH' . You are hereby dubbed with the Laurel Wreath.

Looking good!

Cheers! cheer.gif champagne.gif champagne.gif mm.gif mm.gif rose.gif rose.gif

~Cleo pharoah2.gif
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