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Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011
JLY
EYES OF BLUE

Discarding frivolous flings
I mulled passionate desires,
longing for perfect love
to quell fervent fires.

For most of my life
I wanted only you;
your captivating soul
beneath eyes of blue.

Auburn hair cascades
over luscious lobes,
gently veiling treats
I wish to delicately probe.

Well versed in romance,
infused with tenderness,
my soothing embrace
will engulf your loveliness.

Pairing lyrical serenades
with brilliant bouquets,
my heartfelt melodies
forever flavor your days.
Merlin
Lovely, JLY.

No doubt this is 5 ft 2.

Merlin
Cyn
QUOTE(JLY @ Jan. 05 2006, 15:45)

Only because I have to crit. (meter is not my forte) My suggestions are for how I hear the rhythm of this nice piece

EYES OF BLUE

Discarding frivolous flings
I mulled passionate desires,
longing for perfect love
to quell my fervent fires.

For the most partof my life
I wanted only you;
your captivating soul
beneath your eyes of blue.

Auburn hair cascades
over luscious lobes,
gently veiling treats
I wish to softly probe.

Well versed in true romance,
infused with tenderness,
my soothing soft embrace
will engulf your loveliness.

May lyrical serenades
meet brilliant bold bouquets,
and my heartfelt melodies
forever paint your days.
(only because I'm a painter and I needed a one syllable word)

Feel free (of course) to take any or leave all
Cyn
JLY
Cyn,
Thank. You have given me much to work with and I will be editing this piece in the very near future.
JLY
JLY
Merlin,
Actually, she is 5'7".
JLY
ohsteve
Jly well mine is five foot two with eyes of blue but she has brunette hair with streaks fo grey all through... my hair, whats left of it is silver gray except the mustaches which is still somewhat blonde.... see my profile picture....lol. If you arent scareddy cat...loll. good soft light love piece I have not nits with it,
Steve
JLY
Steve,
Thanks; my once thick brown hair has receded and gone to gray...I am in my twilight years but I still have the proverbial spark.
JLY
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