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JustDaniel
acrostic ethere
PEDESTRIAN

Perhaps you liked walking with me today
exploring simple sights, still silent
drinking in ca-runch of footfall
enjoying our thoughts until
swift chipmunk turned tail
to get rid of his
ravenously
ingested
acorn
nubs

© MLee Dickens’son 30 Dec 2005


First edit
~ changed L1 from: Perhaps you’d like to walk with me today
~ changed L2 from: enjoying...

Second edit
~ changed L2 from: savoring... restoring the acrostic, but maintaining the 's' sound!




Nina
Hi Daniel

Well done for creating an acrostic with such an interesting shape which is a pleasure to the eye.  

My only query would be that you move from the conditional tense of would you like and what you might  do if the person agrees to accompany you, to the chipmunk doing something very specific and detailed in the present tense.  The two seem somewhat at odds.

Nina
Cathy
Hi Daniel,

Good to see you!  You have painted a wonderful picture of an autumn walk.  Makes me long for the park again.  The squirrels are so friendly, unafraid of the humans invading there territory.  The 'ca-runch of footfall' reminds me of crunching the leaves on the sidewalk while walking down by the river.  Thanks for the reminder!

Cat sun.gif
JustDaniel
Greetings, Nina!
QUOTE(Nina @ Dec. 30 2005, 18:06)
Well done for creating an acrostic with such an interesting shape which is a pleasure to the eye.

[ Thank you, Nina.  An ethere, of course, since it's syllabic inevitably takes the general shape of a downward arrow.  A little wordsmithing can smooth it out a bit, and that takes some work betimes. ]  

My only query would be that you move from the conditional tense of would you like and what you might  do if the person agrees to accompany you, to the chipmunk doing something very specific and detailed in the present tense.  The two seem somewhat at odds.

[ And such is why we have critique forums!  Thank you immensely.  I had also not noticed the recurrance of 'enjoying' until I started doing the revision of what I'd posted.  I'd simply not noticed it in all the previous manipulating!  As to the voice change, I'd originally started this out as an entirely serious poem, and then some changes I made tickled my funny bone, and I just couldn't resist.  I hope enough of the serious remains! ]

Thank you so much for your comment, Nina.

deLightingly, Daniel  :sun:
JustDaniel
Greetings, Cat!

QUOTE(Cathy @ Dec. 30 2005, 19:15)
Good to see you!  You have painted a wonderful picture of an autumn walk.

[ I'm very glad that that came through! ] 

Makes me long for the park again.  The squirrels are so friendly, unafraid of the humans invading there territory.  The 'ca-runch of footfall' reminds me of crunching the leaves on the sidewalk while walking down by the river.  Thanks for the reminder!

[ It is a pleasure... and may none of your ca-runching ever become s-squishing! ]

appreciating your Light, Daniel  sun.gif
Cleo_Serapis
Hi Daniel. sun.gif

I enjoyed your walk in the woods! However with your revision in L2, it is no longer an acrostic.  :oops:  I must try this Ethere form! It is very appealing, similar to a Nonet with one additional line of ten...

I offer a slight change in L3 as follows;

drinking in ca-runch of footfall

to

reveling ca-runch of footfall


Silly booger spoiling the mood! hamster.gif

Cheers!
~Cleo  :pharoah:
Don
Hi JustDaniel,

To be an acrostic would not the second line begin with an "E?"

Whoops, I see Cleo found it already, already.

Happy new year.

Don
Merlin
Hello JD.

It wasn't until I read the comments downstream that I realized you had made a change and lost the acrostic form.  I looked for the acrostic, not knowing what an ethere was - unless something ethereal...

Best to you fir the New Year!

Merlin
JustDaniel
Lori...

thank you for the corrective... and for the suggestion.  Reveling, however, I think would require "in" following it?   and then it would further spoil the acrostic!

I'll look for your shot at ethere!

deLightingly, Daniel
JustDaniel
Don and Merlin...

thank you for your follow-on observations... and I hope that both of you will look in on the ethere form too!  ... and Merlin, it need not be ethereal!  It's named after its originator with that name, I believe...  It would be sort of like Lori calling some new form of hers "Loriginal"  :pharoah:

deLightingly, Daniel  :sun:
Cleo_Serapis
Hi Daniel. wave.gif

Your revision simply MusicBand.gif rocks!

Well done!

Now about that Loriginal.... that's good! smart.gif

~Cleo sun.gif

nicerev.gif




JustDaniel
I thought you'd like that one, Lori.  Keep it in mind for something that you create that is unlike anything on the books to date.  I'm confident that it will happen!

deLighting in your visit, Daniel  sun.gif




Cyn
I would love to comment on this Daniel, but I don't know what an acrostic is, so I need to edify myself before I feel qualified. What I acan say, is I enjoyed it. It looks like an acorn as well.
Your fan,
Cyn
JustDaniel
Thank you so much, Cyn.  I'm glad to be of service.  I think you'll find both forms listed in Karnak, and here are a couple of other citings for you:

Ethere

Acrostic

I'm sure that you'll find them pretty straightforward both in these and in Karnak.

awaiting your further enLightenment, Daniel  sun.gif
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