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Cathy
This was inspired by Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata

http://www.poetic-voices.com/music/Mondschein.mid

Spring Symphony

The spring rain whispers playfully,
each one a carefree drop of dew;
when wedded to sweet waterfall,
will find a destination new.

Tap dance across the naked pond,
as spring rains whisper playfully.
So intimate, yet innocent;
flirtatious as a soul can be.

They tickle newly sprouted leaves,
soft pitter-patter feeds the vein;
the spring rains whisper playfully,
while serving nature's sweet champagne.

The raindrops set toccata tones
with Mother Nature's harmony;
refreshing cloak that comforts earth,
as spring rains whisper playfully.

Cathy Bollhoefer
copyright Dec2005
Peterpan
Hello Cathy~

I could hear the music of Spring! I really enjoyed this poem. Your rhythm and rhyme is excellent! (I read out aloud.)

Enjoyed your 'play' with playfully! Well done!

Imagery is also very clear and simply put.

'while serving nature's sweet champagne.' - is my best line.

another is: The raindrops set toccata tones
with Mother Nature's harmony;

Thank you for sharing!

PP

:)
Cathy
Hi PP,

I could hear the music of Spring! When I first heard the music it felt almost dark and dreary but the more I listened the more I felt a light-hearted rhythm in the notes.  I really enjoyed this poem. Your rhythm and rhyme is excellent! (I read out aloud.)  Thank you!

Enjoyed your 'play' with playfully! Well done!

I'm so glad you enjoyed it.  *smiles*

Imagery is also very clear and simply put.

Thank you!

'while serving nature's sweet champagne.' - is my best line.

I liked that one too!

another is: The raindrops set toccata tones
with Mother Nature's harmony;

This I wasn't sure about but it turned out alright.

Thank you for sharing!

Your welcome and thanks for commenting!

Cathy
Snowflake.gif
AMETHYST
Hi Cathy,

Beautiful display of the Quatern Form. Such phrases as "...spring rain whispers playfully,' and '...wedded to sweet waterfall." Lovely content through out the poem. There is little I see that trips me, if anything-but I will give comments in stanza and hopefully I might leave something that makes a difference.

Hugs, Liz



QUOTE
Spring Symphony

Wonderful Title!

The spring rain whispers playfully,
each one a carefree drop of dew;
when wedded to sweet waterfall,
will find a destination new.

Excellent first stanza. The sounds are delightful, the imagery is sublime and the meter is flawless. Done well.

Tap dance across the naked pond,
as spring rains whisper playfully.
So intimate, yet innocent;
flirtatious as a soul can be.

...across the naked pond, intimate/innocent all again, lovely to the ear and mind. L4, is weaker compared to the image it is to compliment. However, it isn't so weak that I would suggest changing it. Perhaps, just keeping the line in mind during any forth coming revisions.



They tickle newly sprouted leaves,
soft pitter-patter feeds the vein;
the spring rains whisper playfully,
while serving nature's sweet champagne.

Wonderful stanza.

The raindrops set toccata tones
with Mother Nature's harmony;
refreshing cloak that comforts earth,
as spring rains whisper playfully.

Excellent ending stanza. Not a nit. Sorry I couldn't offer anything worth your time. I loved the follow through of this and the gentleness in the tone, the innocence in the meaning and the sonics are delicious. Good poetry. Thank you and I enjoyed this very much.


Cathy Bollhoefer
copyright Dec2005
Merlin
Hi Cathy,

At the moment I'll have to decline dancing naked across the pond - but hey, spring will be here in a few months!  At present, we're in our cold snap when the grape growers are happy - icewine is coming.

It's nice to read, as well as write, something that lifts the spirits rather than a seasonal one which portrays the bleakness often evident.  I enjoyed the read.

Merlin
Cathy
Hi Liz,

Beautiful display of the Quatern Form. Such phrases as "...spring rain whispers playfully,' and '...wedded to sweet waterfall." Lovely content through out the poem. There is little I see that trips me, if anything-but I will give comments in stanza and hopefully I might leave something that makes a difference.

Thank you!  Every comment makes a difference IMO.  I'm so glad you enjoyed it.

Cathy
Snowflake.gif
Cathy
Hi Merlin,

At the moment I'll have to decline dancing naked across the pond - but hey, spring will be here in a few months!  At present, we're in our cold snap when the grape growers are happy - icewine is coming.

lol  Cold here too!  About 2 degrees to be exact! Brrrrrr!!

It's nice to read, as well as write, something that lifts the spirits rather than a seasonal one which portrays the bleakness often evident.  I enjoyed the read.

Thank you!

Cathy
Snowflake.gif
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