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Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011
what he said only she said first. F

Befriending you was freezing over hell --
my respite, like you freed me from desire.
But I am more than I was then and tell
far fewer lies, my wantonness retired.
I didn’t try to please you and conspired
against pursuit but clearly, you could see
I was amusing. Somehow it’s transpired
I’m fancying how you and I might be.
It’s funny, but I’m hoping you’re in love with me.
A friend like you was vision of sweet hell --
no respite, your cantankerous desire
was more than I had known. Back then I'd tell
a few more lies; my wanderlust's retired.
I didn’t try to chase since you conspired
your own pursuit and which, despite the shrew,
I found amusing. Somehow it’s transpired --
me hankering that you and I might do.
It’s funny though, I think that I'm in love with you.
MFK Buckley
Let me be the first to welcome you to MM, Fran.  I'm still somewhat lurking in the shadows, but coming out more and more.

The others, I'm sure, will extend a hearty welcome as well.  They may recognize that we know each other, considering this posting and my own "Mars & Venus" in a different thread.  This is the originating volley, my was the answer.  Fran and I, along with Heartsong Sue, have done a number of series and volleys, each one was thrilling to us, and hopefully also to our audience.  One particular series of sonnets is to be included in an anthology slated for publication in 2006.

It's wonderful to have you here.


Thank you for your gracious welcome Merlin. Forgive me if I sounded presumptuous and required explanation; I was just jesting. Nice to see your pair up there again. F
Hi Fran

A very warm welcome to MM.  I hope you will enjoy spending time here and sharing your poetry.  If you have any questions about MM, please don't hestitate to ask me. You can PM (private message)  me by clicking on the send msg button at the bottom of this post.

I don't really know anything much about this form.  Is it always done from a he said/she said perspective using the same end rhymes?  Very interesting.  

I like the way that despite themselves these two fall in love, makes a refreshing change from the usual love poem.

Thanks for the read

Thank you Nina, I appreciate your welcome. The form is called a Spenserian stanza. The he said/she said and duplicate end rhymes was simply a convention I adopted to underscore the very different parallel experiences a man and a woman can have at the same time. Merlin took up the challenge with his own Mars & Venus volley, same constraints. Crazy the way some folks have fun, tis true! F
Hello Fran and a warm WELCOME TO MM! Newbie.gif PartyFavor.gif Balloons.gif

I'll assume the Spenserian pattern you refer to is from the sonnet - here shown as: ABABBCBCC.

I've just commented on Eric's piece and this one is so complimentary - but definitely your own!  grinning.gif

I have no nits at all - I enjoyed every word.  As I mentioned in Merlin's poem, the same holds true here:

I admire the way that you took each stanza and melded them together, each a complete story, with the same end words but a completely different meaning (in some cases).

We really are made of different molds, aren't we Fran?  laugh.gif

~Cleo  :pharoah2

P.S. I really enjoyed the phrases:

freezing over hell

wantonness retired


wanderlust's retired


Hi Fran  :wave:

Another warm welcome to MM. I haven't been around as much as I would like recently, but I creep in and read as often as I can. I saw Merlin's poem when he posted and it's lovely to see your work as the inspiration. Both are very cleverly put together and tremedous fun to read.

I shall look forward to more of your poetry.  :cheer:

Fran (the other one)
Thank you for the lovely welcome Cleo and Fran. It was fun weaving two desperately disparate depictions of the same story with the end rhyme constraints. Delighted you appreciated them. I never met a Fran I didn't like, what fun! F
Hi Fran...
Interesting and challenging premise and scheme.
You have made it shine.
A fine reply to Merlin's.
Thanks Sue! I've come to enjoy the challenge of the repeated end rhymes. Glad to have you look in! F
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