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Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011
Cathy
This was inspired by a Times Ten challenge but I've removed some of the
words to tighten it up.

Expired

Ancient candle;
dusty white,
eerie against black
theatre of gloom.

Dillettante intent ...
he will arrive.

Robed in alabaster,
ethereal pale glow;
fiery locks to her waist,
vying with flame.

It's time ...

Deep breath,
eyes squeezed tight,
hands tremble;
scalpel to skin.

Blood runs;
droplets stain.

She waits ...
                   and     waits ...
                                           a  n  d     w  a  i  t  s  .  .  .

Fascinated;

life-flow puddles; drops.
Flame flickers;
wax; drips.

Lamented realization ...

serendipity has expired.

Cathy Bollhoefer
copyright Nov2005




Nina
Hi Cathy

I think the changes you have made improve this poem and also removes the hint ambiguity you had previously.

Robed in alabaster,
ethereal pale glow;
fiery locks to her waist,
{vying}[vie] with flame.

much enjoyed

Nina
Cathy
Hi Nina,

I think the changes you have made improve this poem and also removes the hint ambiguity you had previously.

Thanks!

Robed in alabaster,
ethereal pale glow;
fiery locks to her waist,
{vying}[vie] with flame. I think I need to cut this verse down a little more, this is a good suggestion so I'll keep it in mind.

much enjoyed

I'm glad... thanks!

Cathy
ornament.gif
Cleo_Serapis
Hi Cathy.

What a very interesting piece.

A good change of pace with an eerie twist.  :rose:

I could sense a theatrical performance here so this is well played out.

Just one comment and one typo:

Ancient candle;
dusty white,  (how about ‘milky’ white ?)
eerie against black
theatre of gloom.

Dillettante intent ...  (Sp. Dilettante)
he will arrive.



Well done!
~Cleo  :champagne:
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