Help - Search - Members - Calendar
Full Version: Four Old Women
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011
Arnfinn
I live in the country ten kilometres inland from the deep blue South Pacific Ocean, pure white sandy beaches, if travel North up the coast the scenery changes I find myself plodding through bracken fern atop high cliffs, a sharp turn and I face an inlet, and directly across the water, four headlands jut out into the ocean: in the distance waves crash against buff-brown, shadowy, stout bodies. I call these magnificent towers  ‘The Four Old Women’

Member Choice Award Winner

*Graphic provided by
Celtic Castle Designs


[Rhyme]

Four Old Women

Four old women down by the shore
swept by waves constant and pure.
Foaming flounces fondling fat feet,
tickling tanned toes, under each seat.

Vivid blue water poking rock places
frothy white rides to stoic staircases.
Keen spirits sting in gristly bangles
lifting scent from zesty kelp tangles.

Photic light, tones rugged worn skin
parting grey scales and wavering fin.
Misty steam on draining dank ledges
milky cascades feed fernery hedges.  

Pivotal swirls course along at a rate
flow to pools then flags with debate.
Salt shouted spray wafts to wet chins
then sinless, drips to tunics and shins.

Women dance in the fire of the sun,
cooling waves run-rerun and rerun.
Sheer scarped sinuate steeped shades
citadels, ring echoes, bent colonnades.

Sough the echoes, sough the echoes…
Hear to the echoes, echoes old women?
Hear thundering echoes old women.
Hear the echoes…


Arnfinn.


©John Macleod  2005




Nina
Hi Arnie

I enjoyed this poem of your 4 women.  Do you have a photograph as it would be interesting to see what the four headlands look like, what you are describing. I like your use of repitition in the last verse to depict the ebb and flow of the tide.

Photic light, tones rugged worn skin
parting grey scales and wavering fin.
Misty steam on draining dank ledges
milky cascades feeds fernery hedges.  
...feed not feeds
thanks

Nina
Jox
Hi Arn,

Wonderful descriptive poem about your locale. I don't really have any suggestions at this point (Nina has covered the only one I can think of) - I thought the whole worked very well.

Even your prose intro was really well-written and captured me (I read it after the poem). I would request that you don't mention the "deep blue South Pacific Ocean" as we face another rainy, grey day of a British Spring / Summer, please. It's torture.

Actually... Photic light - is that tautology? There a suggestion (implicit, anyway).

Well done John.

Thanks!

J.
Arnfinn
How are you Nina,


I enjoyed this poem of your 4 women.  Do you have a photograph as it would be interesting to see what the four headlands look like, what you are describing. I like your use of repitition in the last verse to depict the ebb and flow of the tide.

Photic light, tones rugged worn skin
parting grey scales and wavering fin.
Misty steam on draining dank ledges
milky cascades feeds fernery hedges.   ...feed not feeds


I'll have to see what I can do?


Feed, Feeds?

I origianally had feed, then i thought about cascades and fernery hedges?

The ledges are draining into milky cascades onto all the seaweed around there draining points.

Yes, your probably correct. He fed the the throng with seven loaves and fishes.
They feed the multitude. They do not feeds the multitude.

Yes Nina, you are right. I fed the dog. I feed puppies beef at dinner time.

Thanks again. Wizard.gif


Arnie troy.gif  :farmer:  :wizard:
Dear Arnie,

You are developing quite a line on scenic poetry, and I feel closer to all the frilly bits of Oz as a result. Well done.

Could possibly become known as the Outhouse Poet, or do I mean Outback Poet ?

Keep it up !

Love
Alan
Arnfinn
Hi James,

The word Photic.

I found photic in my big 5000 odd page Oxford.

photic /fotik/ 1- of or relating to light. 2-(of the ocean layers) reached by sunlight.

Number 2 was the meaning used in the poem. Photic is quite an ugly word, though, the phonetic [fotic] is quite acceptable in the contex of the written subject.

Photic light, tones rugged worn skin
parting grey scales and wavering fin.

So James, the meaning.

Brilliant sunlight penetrating the wash at the base of the cliffs, revealing the erosion caused by the surge against the rocks. The light also highlights the marine life, the grey scales of the fish and the wavering fin.

So glad you asked the question, mate.

 :knight:  :knight:  :knight:  :knight:


Can't do much about the weather James, big blue astral enhancements down here, still got Crimson Rosella's in the brilliant red flowered Bottle Brush, and for Winter it's a pleasant 21%. God, I hate this place sometimes...

Listen I got a pressie for ya, e-mail your Address, 'n I'll send it too ya.

 Shock  Shock  Shock  Shock  Shock


John troy.gif  :taco:  :taco:  :taco:  :knight:
Arnfinn
Hi Alan,


Mate, I'm just startin, I actually went int DYMOCKS Booksellers at Nowra a few days ago and bought a book published in Perpetua typeset by Bookcraft Ltd of Stroud, Gloucestershire. The book was printed and bound in China by Imago.

Now how's that for an outhouse joke mate.  :cool:

The book beautifuly bound by the way is titled.

       William Shakespeare

          The Sonnets


   Collector's Poetry Library



Cost $14.95 (aus) which I thought was a bargain.


Ol' Will is now situated at Stratford-On-Yangzee.

Alan how could Youuuuuuuuuuuu.

MATE , very hard to decipher though

Sonnet 14 starts

As honarable as whou shalt whane...

For goodness sake Al, mount a Crusade or somthing! Get old Billy back where he belongs.






 :knight:  :knight:  :knight:  :knight:  :knight:

lion.gif  :lion:  :lion:  :lion:

John
jgdittier
Dear Arnfinn,
"Four Old Women", how nicely you've puttogether those images and the alliteration in a rollicking cadence.
Yours is a poem not easily forgotten.
Your description of the four old ladies outside the verse shows your wordcraft.
I'd like to see a photo too!
As a response to your response from my rewrite from Hamlet, I'm dedicating one to you.
Cheers,     jgd
Arnfinn
Hi Ron,

Thank you for the thought in relation to WS.

I'm taken aback!

Your poem is very skillfuly done, mate.

You wrote a spendid poem.

You will see by my reply how much I enjoyed your effort.

Regards,


John troy.gif  :vic:  :pharoah2
jgdittier
Dear Arnfinn,
If our paths continue to run parallel, certainly not cross, you'll find I have great appreciacion for beat in poetry and thus am a light verser.
On reading "Four Old Women", my first thought was that I wish I hqad written that. In these 4+ years I've nev3er said that or anything much like it.
The beat as I read it aloud with some emphasis just captured me.
All the alliteration assured me you're all for asserting the smiles.
For me, a really enjoyable read and a big smile (anda desire to seethe old women)
Cheers,     ron     jgd
Cybele


G'day Arn!  cali.gif

Finally made it to ya tile cobber.  Speechless.gif

Gee whiz what a bonzer tale ya tellin' 'ere blue. Read.gif

Have you heard tell of Beryl Cook the English artist Arn? She's one of me favs in the modern idiom so ta speak. She paints pichers o' great big chubby blokes an shielas, all 'aving a whale of a time, (no pun intended there ya understand matey!  Speechless.gif  Just me natral flair fer punnin innit? )like life size saucy seaside postcards they are. blush21.gif

Well long and short of it is that your four old women reminded me of one she painted of these lovely chubby girlies paddlin' in the briny, see?

Your bonzer descriptions got me imagination whirring there mate and no mistake!  hsdance.gif

As for this..


lifting scent from zesty kelp tangles.

That's gotta be the tongue twister of the century mate. Try sayin' that three times in a row at speed after a coupla XXXX s (or Fosters).

Brill, Bill. Keep on edycatin' us limeys, why don't ya? No nits Arn, just admiration.  claps.gif

Loved the read John. cloud9.gif




Toumai
Hi Arnie,

Some fabulous lines here in your descriptions - hard to pick any favs! But I do love the 'Foaming flounces fondling fat feet' and 'Keen spirits sting in gristly bangles/ lifting scent from zesty kelp tangles.'

And some interesting education, too - love the way we need to learn some new language use to read your meanings: 'photic' - didn't know that one at all.

Cheers,

Fran
Arnfinn
How are ya Ron?

The coastline is a good subject write about because there's always movement and change. Other poetry subjects fade with time. Todays beautiful woman may not put a sparkle in the eye of the impulsive poet in thirty years time. But the coast and oceans and beaches are always a gift for a few scrambled lines. The four headlands, being headlands, are a bit more laid back than my poetry description and in revealing this fact I have surely taken the gloss of my poem for some.

However, the Four Old Women turned out exactly the way I planned, i'm sure I must have created some desired imagery of the ocean and towering cliffs in the minds of readers.

I appreciate the purity and delicacy of your comments,Ron. Thank you very much.


Kindest Regards,


John   troy.gif  :unclesam:
Arnfinn
How are you Grace?

Yes you seem to be Ok.
cool.gif


Mate, your a lifesaver. When I got down to ya blue writing I banged the palm of me hand into me skull. I'm a bit of a Dubbo, I forgot to get meself a beer. So I went and got one outa the fridge. [] mouse.gif

See ya cob,


John troy.gif  :bfly1:  :wizard:
Arnfinn
Oh, Hi Fran,


Good to see ya.


Thank you for letting meknow about the favourite bits of me poem.

I find that theres always something interesting going on at MM.

I might have time to participate more in the other stuff soon.



Regards,


John  :troy:  :wizard:
Cybele
QUOTE
How are you Grace?

Yes you seem to be Ok.

Yeh, I'm great mate - it's all the others ya gotta worry about!

Mate, your a lifesaver. When I got down to ya blue writing I banged the palm of me hand into me skull. I'm a bit of a Dubbo, I forgot to get meself a beer. So I went and got one outa the fridge. [] < Tooheys OLD Black Ale. After I've had a couple of TOBA's I'm havin a crack at the test.


EH?? What kinda dubbo sits down at the PC without a cold tinnie? If anyone finds out you'll be drummed outta that great male Oz institution, HC RATS (Hands Clamped Round A Tinnie Society.)  Speechless.gif

Whats this Brill Bill caper? You into the sauce bottle or sumthin? We have some bird names, do ya mean Broadbill or perhaps Bul Bul. We have a lot of Bul Bul's flying across our mere's

Nah ya galah, not a bird.  LOL.gif Stands fer  brilliant William. Think it comes from some TV show, but don't hold me ta that Arn, me brain goes walkabout a fair bit these days.)

Good ta see your smiling face again Grace.

Gawd, don't tell me ya sneaked inta me computer room and planted a webcam Arn? an' me sat sittin' here in me diaphonous  daif  diaffen  see through nightie with only me vest underneath! blush21.gif

Beryl Cook? Nah! Dunno her Grace. She doesn't have any seafaring ancestry does she?

Aw, yer in fer a real treat mate! Here's a coupla links. First one's a biog. Second one's a sample of some of her brilliantly jolly pichers. They'll put a smile on yer face as big as a Cheshire Cat's mate. Just don't go frightening Lily now.

https://www.secured-space.com/berylcook/pages/bio.htm

http://www.beryl-cook-prints.com/

See ya cob,

Pleased ya dropped and gave my poem the once over.  

Pleasure's all mine Arn.




Arnfinn
Sorry Grace,

Ya always seem ta be on me wavelengths`~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Wizard.gif

Checked out that Cook pictures. I agree they're really funny. Very pricey though. She must jelly-rollin in dough, big thickwads of it.

No need to reply.

Arnie troy.gif  :wizard:
Cleo_Serapis
Congrats John on your Member Choice award winning tile! claps.gif

Well done! PartyFavor.gif Balloons.gif

~Cleo :)
Don
Congratulations John.

I am certain to have missed this summer issue if not for your belated award.

Congratulations on your latest award and for the excellent read.

Don
Nina
Hi John

congratulations on your member choice award for this poem.

Well done

Nina
Arnfinn
Hi All,


I would like to thank my dear friend Sylvia (Psyche  :butterfly: ) for nominating my poem.

Thank You Sylvia.  :butterfly:  :butterfly:  :butterfly:


Thank you, Lori, Don and Nina for your kind words.


John troy.gif
This is a "lo-fi" version of our main content. To view the full version with more information, formatting and images, please click here.
Invision Power Board © 2001-2019 Invision Power Services, Inc.