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jgdittier
My friend next door, I'll not ignore,
for in some thoughts we share;
both flames and heat are hard to beat
as winter's cold and bare.

The yellow hues mixed with the blues,
their arms entwined to dance...
they leap and plie, we both agree,
ballet in ev'ry glance.
(line 3 changed to "they leap and twirl like boy and girl,")

But he and I accept the wry,
for though we love each cord,
our paths have split, for 'til it's lit,
we differ as it's stored.

He's made a frame, to fit's his aim,
each piece precisely piled.
A crib I've made, not one piece layed;
mine's helter-skelter styled.

The neighbors praise his proper ways.
His pile is poised erect.
No piece be seen if it's to lean,
there's much to be correct.

Make my wood crib, like woman's lib,
restrictions blown away.
Like dry corn ears, they've meshed their gears,
yet wind can through them play.

Once fireplace bound, their words are sound,
in entertaining flame.
As shivers slacken, smiles unblacken
and nought can be to blame.
Aphrodite
Hello J~ wave.gif

Who would think that a poem about woodpiles and styles of stacking could be so interesting?

You have done a great job in not only making the scene come alive, but the metaphors throughout are superb!

Very creative and well-written. Read.gif


"Make my wood crib, like woman's lib,
restrictions blown away"
************Love this!!!!!


Awesome! sun.gif  sun.gif

Take care~
Lindi

Second stanza: should plie be ply?
Don
Hi jgd,

I like the light hearted humor over serious contention of method.
The subject of wood stacking uniquely adds to humor for city folk, who do little chopping.

My favorite is stanza 4.  I am certain more serious treatment would be his neat stack is styled and your clutter is piled, but the reversal provided a  tongue-in-cheek with poetic tension of opposites.

I suggest "if it's" be deleted in S5, line 3.  

Proof of the pudding is each burned as perfectly cured by either method.


Don
jgdittier
Dear Lindi,
I've been active 3-1/2 years now and this is my best metaphorical piece. I'm in reality a dittyist and paraphraser.
As to plie:

http://library.thinkquest.org/J002266F/basic_moves4.htm

Cheers,   jgd
Cybele
Hello Ron, sun.gif

Another very enjoyable piece (loved The Parade). The rhythm here sizzles like a crackling fire.

Just one tiny nit

The yellow hues mixed with the blues,
their arms entwined to dance...
they leap and plie, we both agree,
ballet in ev'ry glance.


Since plie has two syllables (plee-ay)  maybe you could drop the word 'we'
to match the meter of L1.

Great idea for a poem Ron Read.gif

Love

Grace farmer.gif
jgdittier
Dear Grace,
Those French hardly get anything right!
My 6 inch thick Websters doesn't even have plie in it so I blithely
assumed it sounded like "plea". Now since most of us neither know what it means nor how to pronounce it, my plea on second thought might be to check it against my poetic license and leave it.
No, despite the urge, I've rewritten it.
I thank you for the correction and hope it's the worst element present, but improvements are always welcome.
Cheers,    jgd

Dear Don,
I posted this one once before and I never thought it was adequately understood.
Your comments are till now the most indicative of the message I was sending. Early in my adoption of this hobby, I found I liked the old style poetry and that I wanted to commit to doing what I might to promote it. Thus I found my style was looked on with disdain not only by the hordes of free versers, but also by those committed to modern R&M verse. As modern R&M rejects elisions, inversions, archaic words, line capitalization, etc., my postings, when critiqued were cited for the things I did deliberately. Only the crusade saved me.
Here the burning logs are R&M poetry and the structured woodpile, modern R&M style. The crib drying method is my unstructured usage of the old style. I tried to show that the result of either was equal, as it is at least to me.
S5L3, "No piece be seen, if it's to lean" is intended to follow the cadence of -/-/-/-/ as in all first and third lines and the internal rhyme on the second and fourth  strong beat.
Its meaning is intended to be that modern R&M imposes many restrictions on the writer which may be one of the reasons for the rush to free verse. I believe the bards celebrated the joy of poetry whereas modern R&Mers treat poetry more as a challenge or an assignment by an ambitious college professor.
Thank you , Don, for your comments.
Cheers,   jgd
Cybele
Dear Ron,

I too have a six inch Websters which is too heavy too lift so it stays open on a table. Much easier.

Plie - have you seen fims of ballerinas practising at the barre. They have their feet crossed one in front of the other with toes pointing almost impossibly outwards then they bend their knees while keeping their backs erect.

I like the reference to ballet and the leaping flames so what you could use instead is "jete" which is a jump
so


they leap and jete, both agree

would work very well.There is an accent over the final "e" but I don't know how to apply it.

Flames also remind me of ballet dancers. Lovely image. But it's your baby - your choice Ron.

Love

Grace
sun.gif
Aphrodite
QUOTE(jgdittier @ May 29 2004, 11:13)
Dear Lindi,
I've been active 3-1/2 years now and this is my best metaphorical piece. I'm in reality a dittyist and paraphraser.
As to plie:

http://library.thinkquest.org/J002266F/basic_moves4.htm

Cheers,   jgd

Hello J~ wave.gif

Oh my goodness, of course it is plie'! My daughter has been taking dance/ballet for a few years, I should have known!

I didn't recognize the word without the apostrophe!(whatever the French version is called? )

At any rate, your lively woodpiles dance smoothly, minus the splinters!

Thanks, for the heads-up too! sun.gif  sun.gif  sun.gif

Take care~
Lindi
jgdittier
Dear Grace,
There's room for several versions.
If jete is " jeet",  "they leap and jete, in air they meet" is possible.
If jete is two syllables, as plie is, I'm only more disgusted with the French.
Cheers,    jgd
Dear Ron,

Love the idea, and the fascinating interplay of discourse on this thread.

There are some points where the word usage could be simplyfied, but only IF that is what you want. I mark my suggestions with *.

My friend next door* I'll not ignore,
for we* some thoughts do* share;
both flames and heat are hard to beat
when* winter's cold and bare.

The yellow hues mixed with the blues,
their arms entwined to dance...
they leap and twirl like boy and girl,
ballet in ev'ry glance.

But he and I accept the wry,
for though we love each cord,
our paths have split, for 'til it's lit,
we differ how* it's stored.

He* made a frame, to fit* his aim,
each piece precisely piled.
A crib I've made, not one piece layed;
mine's helter-skelter styled. -- or "higgelty-piggelty styled" ?

The neighbors praise his proper ways,*
His logs each* poised erect;*
No piece is* seen sideways* to lean,
there's much to be correct. -- all present and correct - would indicate military lines ?

Make my wood crib, like woman's lib,
restrictions blown away.
Like dry corn ears, they've meshed their gears,
yet wind can through them play.

Once fireplace bound, their words are sound,
in entertaining flame.
As shivers slacken, smiles unblacken
and nought there is* to blame.


Without edit marks :

My friend next door I'll not ignore,
for we some thoughts do share;
both flames and heat are hard to beat
when winter's cold and bare.

The yellow hues mixed with the blues,
their arms entwined to dance...
they leap and twirl like boy and girl,
ballet in ev'ry glance.

But he and I accept the wry,
for though we love each cord, -- do you mean "chord" ?
our paths have split, for 'til it's lit,
we differ how it's stored.

He made a frame, to fit his aim,
each piece precisely piled.
A crib I've made, not one piece layed;
mine's higgelty-piggelty styled.

The neighbors praise his proper ways,
His logs each poised erect;
No piece is seen sideways to lean,
all present and correct.

Make my wood crib, like woman's lib,
restrictions blown away.
Like dry corn ears, they've meshed their gears,
yet wind can through them play.

Once fireplace bound, their words are sound,
in entertaining flame.
As shivers slacken, smiles unblacken
and nought there is to blame.


Ron, a lovely idea, and well expressed. If you like any of my offerings, warmth, if not, burn!

Love
Alan
Don
Hi Ron,

I am glad you kept "plié" in final version.  Not prone to prancing, it is a new word for me.  Some claimed it is not in convenient versions of Webster's.  It is in desktop American Heritage.  My academic education used prescriptive Webster's.  While writing poetry, I use proscriptive AH dictionary.  Ah, if I only had a complete copy of Oxford, no?
:) :)

The final sound is a long "a,"   Whatever you call that tick mark above the "e" can be done using
ALT + ASCII simultaneously.  In this specific case press down and hold ALT key while typing numbers 0233.  Then release the key and see the resulting é

Don
Tao
Hi Ron,

Wonderful piece, of course, comparing log piles to poetry, no matter how stacked, unless lit the eternal flame, both would be as ashes...eventually - another metaphor for the fire. I chopped two cords last winter, on that I can relate.

So that's what they call that toe-splitting move in ballet? Learned something again. As you know, my entire approach to poetry is helter-skelter and I can't even tell which part of your work is modern and which old. Would you educate?

My fav's:

Make my wood crib, like woman's lib,
restrictions blown away.

As shivers slacken, smiles unblacken
and nought can be to blame.

Thank you.

David
jgdittier
Dear Alan,
Sorry for the delay in responding and thanks for the attention you've given this piece.
I have reviewed your suggestions and will adopt most of them  when I post the final version.
I will comment on the reasons for not adopting:
helter/skelter-higgeldy/piggeldy    cadence
s5-be seen and if it's        my muse likes the be as old style- if it's because she thinks it's more terse
s5l4,  expresses the lack of the poetic license of yore in modern R&M
I'm adopting all your other suggestions!
Thanks again!

Dear Don,
If the French went and made plie two syllables, then it must go as first and foremost I concentrate on writing verse that scans. I'm concerned too that jete might be two syllables and won't post the final version 'til that is resolved.

Dear David,
As to where old form is present, you've got me thinking a thought I hadn't before. Let's see!
s5-the "be", seems to me oldies often use interesting tenses
s6- no verb in restrictions blown away (I believe modern R&M usage, being closer and closer to prose, would demand the verb)
s7- the inversion in line 8 (points off in a contest)
s8- smiles unblacken, too much room for the reader to decide the writer's intent; too much poetic license    (for me, this is one of my best lines)

Cheers to all,    jgd
Don
Good morning Ron,

According to American Heritage Distionary, both "plie" and "jete" are two-syllable words with stress on last.

According to Webster's, "plie" is one-syllable and "jete" is same as AH dictionary.

If we only knew what the French think about the English...?

Don
Dear English-speakers,

jeté

and

plié

are french ballet terms, both spelled as above, and both 2 sylls :

Jet-teh

Pli-eh

So where does that take this debate ?

I got all this info from the ref library at the bottom of this screen.

Love
Alan
Tao
Hi jgd,

Thanks for the education. Now I have some clues as to what is old form and what is modern. Not that it's worth much, but personally, as much as I'd love the reader to know exactly what I meant, I think the discovery of alternative meanings through other's eyes is just as pleasing. Smiles unblacken is a classic, pardon the pun! laugh.gif

David
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