Critiquer of the Month for FEB 2006 noms, Cast your nominations by May 21st Options

[Cleo_Serapis]

Calling all writers of the Mosaic!

The time has come to nominate a member who you feel best demonstrated the CRITIQUE in FEBRUARY.



Nominate a member here by replying to this tile.

The award:
*Laurel Wreath

*Graphic provided by
Celtic Castle Designs

The details:

• Choose at least TWO posts critiqued by the member you'd like to nominate from the month of FEBRUARY. *You can do this by utilizing our 'sort by topic started' OR last post date' and 'descending sort' functions located at the bottom of each forum's page display and then look to make sure the critique replies were made in February as well.
• Post the two examples in this thread.
• Post only the CRITIQUES.
• Make sure your examples are from the month of FEBRUARY.
• State the tile's name, author and forum the critique was replied to.
• Eligible forums:
  Herme's Homilies and Seren's Synapse for poetry COM nominations
  Stonehenge and Loch Ness for Prose COM nominations

Nominations will be taken through May 21st, 2006.

Additional note: If more than one member is nominated for the COM award, this tile will serve as a balloting process. We will create a POLL and the members will vote the winner.

Good luck all!
Thank you for helping to build the Mosaic!

~ Mosaic Musings Staff

[Guest_Toumai_*]

Hi Lori

I would like to nominate Don as COM for February.

Examples of his crits include

Siren's Searching
http://forums.mosaicmusings.net/index.php?showtopic=7039

<font color='#000000'>Hi Dani,

I wish at this time to only consider the following:

Night's song bend us with your beat,
shifting our pace to your dulcet rhythmic tune.
Wet grass, cool this building heat.
Longing, flow into the dune
of time. From your magic we are not immune.

Because I wish to put "beat" at end of line two, I suggest interchanging first two lines and their last words.

Shifting our pace to you dulcet rhythmic beat,
nights' song bend us with your tune.

I'll probably be back.

Don</font>

and

<font color='#000000'>Hi Dani,

Previous suggestion to change line endings would also have transgressed required rhyme scheme, which I have since learned from finding rules of a Lira.

I view your presentation as three separate Lira, perhaps connected by sensual theme. Perhaps the first is most romantically sensual of the three to set the theme for all three.

I usually find your poetry to be sensual and attuned to nature as these are.

It is interesting that each Lira has an entity being invited to join with a silent participant or participants.
Eyes are invited to close, etc.
Night's song is invited to entertain.
Fireflies are invited to join.

I suggest another word for "rise" in second line because it has same meaning as "upwards" in same line. "Touch" comes to mind, but surely there is a better action verb.

In the second line of the second Lira you may want to exchange "dulcet/rhythmic" toward normal speech.

You expanded my vocabulary looking into dictionary for gavotte.

Thanks for sharing and introducing me to Lira format.

Don</font>

A second example is from Aggiel's I Walk On
http://forums.mosaicmusings.net/index.php?showtopic=7150

<font color='#000000'>Hi Aggie,

Very well done.

It sounds very smooth and has a mysterious quality emphasing colors with dream, scheme, and personal achievment.

I interpret that you are conciously advancing toward an unlikely aspiration (flighty dream). Note that it is singular instead of plural. Flighty could also refer to etheral. It has wings like an angel.

Blue usually denotes cold, which in this case may be reality of I know not what (heaven perhaps). The narrow path metaphor is employed in Christian religion a lot.

Yellow denotes warmth, which in this case alludes to the comforting features of your goal...maybe part of the impossible or unlikely.

I am uncertain of your weaving an impossible scheme. Scheme lends heavy connotation of personal effort and planned intention. It denotes ill intentions more than say the word plan.

I like the link between inflamed and yellow tone.

Don</font>

Plus a bonus analysis of R&M terminology in discussion with Ron in jgdittier's Snow
http://forums.mosaicmusings.net/index.php?showtopic=7083

Fran

[Guest_Cathy_*]

I second Fran's nomination of Don!

Cathy

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi all,

Fran thanks for doing the hard work on tracking crits.

I, too, would to support Fran's nomination of Don. He also makes some wonderfully quirky observations, which are one of MM's joys.

J.

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Lori

I'm going to go with the crowd and support Don's nomination.

Nina

[Cleo_Serapis]

Me too Nina!

Great Nomination Fran!

~Cleo

[Cleo_Serapis]

Its unanimous!

DON - congrats to your nominations and win of 'CRITIQUER OF THE MONTH' . You are hereby dubbed with the Laurel Wreath.

Looking good!

Cheers!

~Cleo