The Silent Universe, Thoughts not thought about too much Options

[jeannefiedler]

Wondering...
The next day
Out of the moment
What holds the key
To the magic treasure
Of life forms and solar systems
In the far reaching future...
Out of time,
Drifting in space,

We should think
About these things
Is the earth
ready for more
advanced life?
Will they come
Down to us?
Are they walking
The planet already?

We dream of miracles
Made by man
Let's ponder them
For a moment...
What do you see?

A blue earth
The moon
What else?

Take time to
Envision it...

[Guest_ohsteve_*]

Welcome to MM Jeanne Fiedler!! I see that you have 6 posts although the only one I can find so far is this one. We are a very eclectic group here with many a various backround. You might want to go to the newbie section and tell us a little more about yourself and what you are looking for here at MM. If you are looking for critique on your writing put some astericks up beside the poem name and we will gladly oblige. As for this being the first post that I have read by you and in not knowing how deep a critque you would like, I will start with my pet peeve of capitalizing all lines, it is not necessary to do so, however if you are like most of us here were brought up in the age of where this was taught it can be hard to not do so. I have unlearned that habit and much prefer to see lines without all caps. As for the piece itself I am not sure what it is your trying to do. Are you just asking questions in the form of a poem? Or is this just a case of self conscious rambling just to see where it goes? You might want to put this to the side for a while then come back to it at a later date and after readinghow others write see what sort of changes you might make. I hope the others here will read and comment as they very well might see what I do not. Any way welcome very much to MM, it is always nice to see new members.

Take care
Steve

[jerryk]

Hi there, Jeanne;
Your poem's subject must have been of great appeal to you, and no effort is ever wasted, but I would agree with Steve's assessment. On a personal level, somehow, your philosophical questions do not quite draw me in, although I, too, like to look into the night sky and ponder the origin of the universe and life. As is, your poem contains a laundry list of generalities; re-reading it, after some time has past, can give you a new perspective and you'll be able to tweak it.
Take care,
JerryK.