 Betrayal/A Sense of Currents |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Poetry Forums > Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren's Synapse  |
 Nov 8 16, 09:30
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#1
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 Assyrian  Posts: 250 Joined: 1-November 15 Member No.: 5,282 Real Name: richard chase Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Rhapsody  |
pensive eyes
soft with vanished eros mist on a pond, floating still and cold gravitas in the gaze of friends, confidences withheld bewilderment lingers after every word spoken murmured or sung anguish blinks, red-eyed, at one transgression carried to the tomb sea showers whisper at a distance, like wisdom |
  
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Nov 11 16, 23:37
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#2
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 Ornate Oracle  Posts: 8,861 Joined: 27-August 04 From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia Member No.: 78 Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:David Ting |
Hey Richard, This one makes one think. I like the flow with little punctuation and no Caps, so maybe it doesn't matter that I'm not sure where you're going here. gravitas in the gaze of friends, confidences withheld I like the above stanza. Sounds as if something momentous has occurred. Political? Social? Never mind me. Good use of gravitas. Good poem, IMO. I prefer longer lines, but apparently this style is now in vogue. Syl  ·······  ·······Mis temas favoritos
The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you. "There is no life higher than the grasstops Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind Pours by like destiny, bending Everything in one direction." Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights. Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! MM Award Winner              |
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Nov 14 16, 14:47
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#3
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 Assyrian Posts: 256 Joined: 2-November 15 From: Croydon, Surrey Member No.: 5,284 Real Name: Antony Glaser Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Eira Rhaposdy |
Well constructed snippets of image and movement but is there a message inherent ? Transgressions ? Is this streaming consciousness ?
······· ·······Imagination fires the soul, resolution the longing.
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Dec 7 16, 17:35
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#4
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 Mosaic Master Posts: 4,599 Joined: 4-August 03 From: Birmingham, England Member No.: 12 Real Name: Eira Needham Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
Hi Richard,
this is quite minimalistic for you and different from your usual style. I like it! Eira ······· ·······Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal. Write from the heart - it's therapeutic. Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin! Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here! MM Award Winner    |
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Dec 13 16, 14:43
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#5
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Nomad Posts: 12 Joined: 12-January 16 Member No.: 5,299 Real Name: Michael Trotta Writer of: Poetry |
RC,
I'm drawn to the structural difference between the stanzas. 2 + 5 are more observational and centered on analogy. The others focus on feeling and experience between beings. It may have been the order of things but I cannot say it is reflection. Maybe it is multiple experiences or people. The more I look at the progression, the more I like it: Pensive eyes, mist, gravitas, bewilderment, anguish, sea showers. 6 stages of betrayal. mt |
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