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Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews _ Weekly Challenges -> Acropolis _ x10 - 2/18/17 - JLY

Posted by: JLY Feb 24 17, 07:00

Dreams, Alive and Well

The beach was eerie, as still air lingered,
in full darkness, no stars could be seen,
only a lone moonbeam sparkled on high
where ocean avenue met street eighteen.

Its been twenty years since love peaked,
on a burgundy blanket we became one,
baring our bodies and baring our souls,
emotions taxed, promises never to be undone

What the night knew, it wouldn't divulge,
the sounds of silence deafening for us both,
fear of letting go was a mask we wore,
in the damp sand we etched a faithful oath.

Recollections of her snip at my consciousness;
What became of that high school queen?
Her steel gray eyes and auburn hair,
continue to emblazon each and every dream.

Words used (in order of appearance): star, sparkle, twenty, love, burgundy, tax, mask, recollect snip, steel

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Posted by: JustDaniel Feb 24 17, 13:32

Well done, John...

and I think you ought to offer this for critique. I thing it's worthy of taking a little more time with it without the constriction of the words given... even though you sewed them in very nicely!

... and of course you've been missed in the critique forums... like a lot of other folks.... hint, hint...

deLighting in your sharing, Daniel

Posted by: JLY Feb 24 17, 13:51

Daniel,
Thank you; it has been a very busy year. My wife has had many health issues; we sold our house and moved into a smaller home and time has just slipped by.
Hope to be back active again as I have managed to write quite a few things.

JLY

Posted by: Larry Feb 25 17, 10:20

Hello John,

It is so nice to see you back and answering challenges once more. I agree with Daniel that you should post this for critique. It is a beautiful story and from what I gather, probably true to life.

Mine is a bit shorter and mostly tongue-in-cheek but the idea came from the given words.

Great job,

Larry

Posted by: JLY Feb 25 17, 20:04

Larry,
Thank you. It is not a true story, however, some of the images are ones that I observed.

I always polish up these challenge poems because I find the words are often restrictive and I replace some of them to make it better in the end.

JLY

Posted by: Cleo_Serapis Feb 26 17, 17:32

Hi John,

It's so nice to read your poetry again! I always see a scene so vividly in my mind.

Enjoyed this,
~Cleo

Posted by: JLY Feb 26 17, 18:25

Lori,
Thank you. I had a topsy turvy year and I need to get back to writing.
JLY

Posted by: Cleo_Serapis Feb 26 17, 19:02

I can do relate!!! Mine was even longer.