Printable Version of Topic

Posted by: Larry Oct 29 16, 18:18

Request

With great respect he asked once more, “How long
must we remain within this realm?” A tear
now etched its lonely path; he felt it wrong
to dwell where everything which once was dear

to creatures such as he. The elf and gnome
stayed hidden in dense forest or dark cave
while dragons and fierce griffons made their home
in lofty mountain holds. None dared to brave

the eyes of man. Not so in ancient days
when innocence had reigned; all lived in peace
and harmony. Mankind had changed their ways
and so the Unicorn pled for release.

His answer came; “Stay for a little while!”
said Luna with her bright familiar smile.

Posted by: JustDaniel Oct 30 16, 07:46

Greetings, Larry.

Another beautiful, touching sonnet, my friend. Excellent use of your enjambment. You certainly utilized it in abundance here! I deeply grieve my not having the time yet to focus on writing, but I'll be back eventually to have you challenge me on again.

I only have one nit to suggest to you, as to grammar. In S2L1 I believe your "him" should be "he". If "him" were the direct object of the preposition "to", which it is not, you'd be correct. But I think it's rather "as he (is/was)", if I'm not mistaken.

As always, simply take it into consideration or charge on... er, no, stay for awhile!

deLightingly, Daniel

Posted by: Larry Oct 30 16, 13:42

Hey Daniel,

Thanks for popping in for a read. Glad you enjoyed. You are, of course, correct in your assessment of my grammatical error. If it is any consolation, I made the mistake when correcting that line which had read, "to creatures just like him" and replaced it with "such as". I was probably grammatically wrong in both instances so thanks for the heads-up. It will be corrected.

Hope you get your house moved and everything set in order. I know it to be a big job from seeing all the people down here who were flooded and had to move or throw away most of their belongings. What a nightmare.

Again, thanks.

Larry

Posted by: Psyche Oct 30 16, 19:26

Hi Larry and Daniel,

So glad you moved this sonnet from Acropolis, Larry. You've already benefited from Daniel's grammatical crit!
And I've finally found a moment to upload the image that inspired your lovely piece.

It's beautiful from beginning to end. As I said before, I've always been fascinated by unicorns, ever since I was a child. All mythical creatures attract me enormously, even dragons. Maybe a few others are too horrible, best forget about them.

Daniel, it's a surprise to find you here. You've been laboring hard lately. Moving and setting up a new home is exciting, but can be stressful. I wish you all the best!!

I'm off to upload the unicorn in Plato's, I believe Larry posted this stunning sonnet over there as well. Hope so!

Best to all,
Syl

Posted by: JustDaniel Oct 31 16, 14:58

Hey, let me in on what is Plato's!

Posted by: Larry Oct 31 16, 15:05

Hi Daniel,

You are asking that in jest, correct? If not, Plato's Pearls of Wisdom for poetry exhibition is two doors down from Hermes's Homilies. I try to post there on occasion when I feel I have a finished poem.

Larry

Posted by: JustDaniel Nov 1 16, 03:34

Actually, I wasn't, so thank you for that pearl of wisdom!

Posted by: Larry Nov 1 16, 13:27

Hi Daniel,

The reason I said what I did was that I've seen your posts there commenting on other people's work. It has been a long time since you visited; nearly 11 months ago but you don't/didn't visit very often.

You are welcome for the reminder.

Larry

Posted by: Cleo_Serapis Feb 18 17, 16:05

Oh boy! I LOVE this - the image is wonderful (it was my high school mascot)!

I wouldn't change a thing! Perhaps I should try this challenge? I'm so rusty, and dealing with my newly broken leg is taking up most of my thought process at present.

But I did want to comment that I was here - and enjoyed and again - no nits!

~Cleo