Don't Ever Fear..., a villanelle Options

[JustDaniel]

Don’t Ever Fear...

Don’t ever fear a villanelle to write.
It’s fear itself’s the enemy of thought…
it’s truth… ‘twill whisper on throughout the night.

Though free men flaunt their wisdom… (It’s their right)
their rationale with holes throughout is fraught.
Don’t ever fear a villanelle to write.

Free-babblers wave their manuscripts bedight
kaleidoscopic’ly… their hues besot.
It’s truth… ‘twill whisper on throughout the night.

Wild men who moon the sun… (They aren’t right!)
may learn at last they’ve grieved what they were taught;
Don’t ever fear a villanelle to write.

Grave men, near death may see a baffling light;
blind ears could blaze with meter; they’ll have caught
its truth; ‘twill whisper on throughout the night.

And you there, dancing gaily in your tights
constrained by freedom, let me tell you what:
Don’t ever fear a villanelle to write….
its truth will whisper on throughout the night.

© MLee Dickens’son 13 Aug 2006

Mused by Dylan Thomas' Do Not Go Gentle into That Good Night
and Nina's Destiny Unforeseen

This post has been edited by JustDaniel: Aug 25 07, 15:17

[AMETHYST]

Hi Daniel,

Excellent execution of form and creative skill. I have read through this several times, and will be back with a more thought out critique, but such is right now, the ONLY thing I could see that I would suggest a slight change is in the repeat line ...

it’s truth… ‘twill whispers on throughout the night.

I would suggest omitting the 's' on whispers, making it

it's truth...'twill whisper on throughout the night.



I think you left that intentionally to give us something to suggest!

Best to you, Liz

[JustDaniel]

Thanks for that heads up, Liz...

and for the compliment in which it's contained. That little matter (in the slightly changed line) did excape my notice when I made the switch. It certainly was not intentional but a bold-faced mistake!

I also hope that you found the chuckling and winking in my faux slam-dunk of my much-appreciated free-verse mentors here!

deLightin' in the sharin', Daniel

[AMETHYST]

Thanks for that heads up, Liz...

and for the compliment in which it's contained. That little matter (in the slightly changed line) did excape my notice when I made the switch. It certainly was not intentional but a bold-faced mistake!

I also hope that you found the chuckling and winking in my faux slam-dunk of my much-appreciated free-verse mentors here!

deLightin' in the sharin', Daniel

Hi Daniel,

Yes I noted it. I was kidding around, making light, didn't really think it was intentional. The poem, to my minds eye and ear is near as perfect as I can see at this point. Each line is strong and the repeat lines are powerful. And the only thing I could see was that one tiny little s sitting there... LOL And just wanted to make jest of it, because the poem was so near perfect.

I will be back to give a fuller commentary... even if it is to only leave feedback on meaning and interpretation. :)

Best to you, Liz

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Daniel

Well done with this villanelle. You make it look so easy. It amazes me how quickly you wrote this, it took ages to write mine.

I can't say I've ever been afraid of writing a villanelle or any other form. It's more that I don't enjoy the jigsaw puzzle of trying to slot in words to fit the form. Often I find it too much of a compromise.

Don’t ever fear a villanelle to write.

As a personal taste, I'm not very keen on sentence inversion though I know it can be difficult to avoid sometimes:

It’s fear itself’s the enemy of thought…

Do you need the first "It's" because the sentence doesn't quite make sense:

It is fear itself is the enemy of thought whereas Fear itself is the enemy of thought


My only other confusion is with It's and its on your repeat line. In V1 and v3 you've used it's and in V5 and V6 you have its

Nina

[JustDaniel]

Hi Daniel,

Yes I noted it. I was kidding around, making light, didn't really think it was intentional. The poem, to my minds eye and ear is near as perfect as I can see at this point. Each line is strong and the repeat lines are powerful. And the only thing I could see was that one tiny little s sitting there... LOL And just wanted to make jest of it, because the poem was so near perfect.

I will be back to give a fuller commentary... even if it is to only leave feedback on meaning and interpretation. :)

Best to you, Liz

... and I'll look forward to your interpretation... as always...

deLightingly, Daniel

[JustDaniel]

OOPS!

I just noticed that there was a period [now edited out] that didn't belong after 'caught' in S5. Must have been a leftover from an earlier version ?

skatin' through Lightly, Daniel

This post has been edited by JustDaniel: Aug 25 07, 15:21

[JustDaniel]

Sheesh... I did it again. Twice in one day! I hit EDIT in the previous text, and thinking that I'd hit REPLY, I deleted all the quotation... thus deleting my response to Nina... which was not recoverable.

Let me simply say, regarding ITS and IT'S... the variation is intentional. Many times in villanelle I use words differently in the repeated lines for the sake of variation and emphasis. In fact, I often chose a pair of lines that are capable of meaning different things if punctuated differently or added to preceding or following lines in varying ways.

sLightly embarrassed again, Daniel

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi Daniel,

You might want to try using the 'add reply' button by scrolling to the bottom of the last post in any thread, instead of clicking 'edit' within a reply; unless you mean to QUOTE reply, in which case you would click the " reply button (far one to the right, instead of 'edit' which is to it's left. Thanksfully, members (non-staff) cannot edit other member's replies, only your own. Please be more careful. Editing changes cannot be recovered.

~Cleo

[JustDaniel]

You're absolutely right, Lori... and that's just what I did... but I inadvertently clicked the wrong TAB... and just deleted what I was thinkiing was the QUOTE part and then proceded to REPLY... but alas it was in EDIT mode...

I did it earlier today. It's no one's fault but my own. It's just embarrassing and frustrating... but life goes on!

Lightly, Daniel

[Cleo_Serapis]

Yeah, it happens to us all from time to time.

At least this older tile gets a bump...

[JustDaniel]

Yes...

bumps are ta help us get rid o' them in the poems. I do hope to accomplish that with some help!

Lightly, Daniel