Flight Delay Options

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Flight Delay

There's not one thought inside my head,
I think my brain's been put to bed.
I've tried so hard I'm seeing red
from all the words my pen has bled.

I can't construct a line when true
emotion sends up flags of blue,
as yet obscured in cloudy hues
so thick I cannot find my muse.

Ideas form and flash with flare
as if they do not have a care,
they flit so fast that I must dare
to write them down; but they aren't there.

I stand frustrated ... want to cry.
Why does the ink appear so dry?
But I'll not quit, still will I try
to free my muse and let her fly.

Cathy Bollhoefer
copyright Jan2006

Last two lines were -
'Will not give up, still will I try,
to free my soul so wings can fly.'

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Cathy

I hope you find your muse soon, it is frustrating when inspiration doesn't come and you have caputured this very well in the poem.

Just a couple of thoughts:

Ideas form and flash with flare
as if they do not have a care,
they flit so fast that I must dare
to write them down; but they aren't there.  .....this line feels too long - how about:

but nothing's there

I stand frustrated ... want to cry.
Why does the ink appear so dry?
Will not give up, still will I try,   ....this is slightly awkward to say
to free my soul so wings can fly.  ...excellent final line that explains why inspiration has gone.

Thanks for the read

Nina

[JLY]

Cathy,
From my persepctive, I would not change a thing. This is a solid piece with a great bounce to it and the rhyme is right on target.
Your theme is a universal one that we can all identify with from time to time.

My favorite line:

from all the words my pen has bled.

JLY

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Good morning Nina!

Hi Cathy

I hope you find your muse soon, it is frustrating when inspiration doesn't come and you have caputured this very well in the poem.

The inspiration is there ... sort of.  It's just that it's very jumbled right now and most everything is on the downside of life, very depressing, and I prefer not to go there right now.  *sigh*

Just a couple of thoughts:

Ideas form and flash with flare
as if they do not have a care,
they flit so fast that I must dare
to write them down; but they aren't there.  .....this line feels too long - how about:

but nothing's there

I thought so too but each line has 8 syllables; although your suggestion might sound better.  I'll consider changing it.  Thanks!

I stand frustrated ... want to cry.
Why does the ink appear so dry?
Will not give up, still will I try,   ....this is slightly awkward to say
to free my soul so wings can fly.  ...excellent final line that explains why inspiration has gone.

Line three may be a bit awkward yet I sorta like it so I'm not sure if it will change.  Line four is the one I'm not happy with.  Almost sounds (shhhhh) cliche.  Don't tell James!  

Thanks for the read

Your welcome.  And thanks for taking a peek and offering ideas!

Have a good one!

Cathy

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Hi John,

Cathy,
From my persepctive, I would not change a thing. This is a solid piece with a great bounce to it and the rhyme is right on target.

Thank you!  Although I'm afraid I don't agree.  lol  I'm unhappy with the last line in the last stanza so it will get changed. (As soon as I think of something!)

Your theme is a universal one that we can all identify with from time to time.

Yes I'm sure most people can.  I hadn't even considered that when I wrote it.  I was just sitting here staring at the computer trying to come up with something and I remember thinking ... 'There's not a thought in my head!'  It kinda took off from there.  lol

My favorite line:

from all the words my pen has bled.

Thanks!  I like that one too.

Thanks for the generous compliment!

Cathy

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Cathy,

LOL - Well if this is a product of not a thought in your head then you must have a very lively mind indeed!

I like the poem muchly.

I think many of us are the same - if we try to think of something, it is like watching a kettle and waiting for it to boil... it seemingly won't.

That last line?
OK...

I stand frustrated ... want to cry.
Why does the ink appear so dry?
Will not give up, still will I try,
to free my soul so wings can fly.

What about: (may ruin R&M - sorry!)

I stand frustrated ... want to cry.
Why does the ink appear so dry?
Will not give up; still I try:
free my soul; my wings shall fly.

Any use :)

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Hi James,

LOL - Well if this is a product of not a thought in your head then you must have a very lively mind indeed!

lol  Usually, but sometimes it is stuff that doesn't make sense and I can't always turn it around so that it does!

I like the poem muchly.

Thanks James!

I think many of us are the same - if we try to think of something, it is like watching a kettle and waiting for it to boil... it seemingly won't.

Don't ya just hate that??  lol

That last line?
OK...

I stand frustrated ... want to cry.
Why does the ink appear so dry?
Will not give up, still will I try,
to free my soul so wings can fly.

What about: (may ruin R&M - sorry!)

I stand frustrated ... want to cry.
Why does the ink appear so dry?
Will not give up; still I try:
free my soul; my wings shall fly.

Any use :)

I like your suggestion better than the original.  Thanks!

Thanks for reading!

Cathy

[Cybele]

My Dear Cathy,


It seems ages since I have read one of your lovely pieces. My fault entirely. I have been absent for ages nursing a poisoned leg and the drugs made me feel positively suicidal, so I retired into my shell and hugged myself for about five weeks. Am just venturing out now.  :turtle:  :turtle:

That last verse which seems to be causing you problems. I have a small suggestion ~ chuck or choose as always.

I stand frustrated ... want to cry.
Why does the ink appear so dry?
Will not give up, still will I try,
to free my soul so wings can fly.

I'm so frustrated, want to cry.
Why does the ink appear so dry?
But I'll not quit, still will I try
to free my muse ~ and let her fly.

Very enjoyable read Cathy, thank you.

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Hi Grace,

It seems ages since I have read one of your lovely pieces. My fault entirely. I have been absent for ages nursing a poisoned leg and the drugs made me feel positively suicidal, so I retired into my shell and hugged myself for about five weeks. Am just venturing out now.

Sounds positively horrid!  I'm so glad you're venturing out again, it's good to see you!    (I should have sent flowers!  :rose:  :rose:  :rose:  :rose:  :rose:  

That last verse which seems to be causing you problems. I have a small suggestion ~ chuck or choose as always.

I stand frustrated ... want to cry.
Why does the ink appear so dry?
Will not give up, still will I try,
to free my soul so wings can fly.

I'm so frustrated, want to cry.
Why does the ink appear so dry?
But I'll not quit, still will I try
to free my muse ~ and let her fly.

Now I really like what you've done with it ... and what James did with it.  lol  Now I have to do something with it!  lol

Very enjoyable read Cathy, thank you.

Your welcome!  And thanks for your help!

Cathy

[Cybele]

Hi Cathy,

Thank you for the flowers. (At least I don't have to worry about them dying on me.)  

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Grace,

I can promise you they will last a lifetime!  lol

Or at least as long as you are with MM! (which I hope is a lifetime!)

Cathy

[Cybele]

Hi Cathy,

I know this is not the correct place for this, but my email was flooded this morning, nearly all emails about you becoming a member of staff.

Fantastic news!  Your crits are always offered  kindly and in detail and are extremely useful. You show  great interest in the work of other people and are always most kind and polite in your carefully considered replies.

I know you will be a great asset to MM (as you always have been!)  :laugh:

So, to return the compliment my friend..

[marquee]                                                 [/marquee]

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Good morning Grace!

I know this is not the correct place for this, but my email was flooded this morning, nearly all emails about you becoming a member of staff.

Oh my!  lol  

Fantastic news!  Your crits are always offered  kindly and in detail and are extremely useful. You show  great interest in the work of other people and are always most kind and polite in your carefully considered replies.

I still haven't quite gotten over the fear of critting.  I'm always afraid to offend someone.  *smiles*  I hope by now that everyone knows that anything I have to offer is offered with the best of intentions and is only my humble opinion, not expertise!  lol  I have learned so much from the crits I've received!

I know you will be a great asset to MM (as you always have been!

Thanks Grace!      

So, to return the compliment my friend..

Oh snap!  I don't think I have a vase that big!!!  lol

Cathy