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Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews _ Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren's Synapse _ Children of All Ages, Good Night
Posted by: posthumous Oct 30 15, 16:55
REVISION:
After you divorced me,
your mother took me to the circus.
I remember the horses
running in the ring,
women standing on their backs,
scions of the great plains
going around and around
and round again, followed by clowns
who didn’t wear makeup
telling jokes with their bodies.
We hugged, your mother and I,
at the end of that pageantry,
acceding to the ringmaster’s cries.
original:
After our divorce
your mother took me to the circus.
I remember the horses
running in the ring,
women standing on their backs,
scions of the great plains
going around and around
and round again, followed by clowns
who didn’t wear makeup
telling jokes with their bodies.
We hugged, your mother and I,
at the end of that pageantry,
acceding to the ringmaster’s cries.
Posted by: Heather Nov 1 15, 03:31
Posty,
I read this through as if from the perspective of the ex-husband speaking to his child perhaps, and I thoroughly enjoyed the conceit. But the scene itself struck me as odd, and I think my difficulty comes from:
Your mother took me to the circus
Now, maybe I read this from the wrong perspective entirely, but I was trying to imagine this situation- after a divorce, the two trying to make peace- but that line implies to me a rather parental relationship, and the balanced relationship at the end doesn't reflect that.
I enjoyed reading the images of the circus players as a reflection on life in general, but also with reference to divorce specifically, but I was left scratching my head as to what you were trying to reflect in their relationship.
....please don't tell me he was speaking to her about his mother-in-law....:)
Heather
Posted by: anaisa Nov 1 15, 16:32
Hi Posty,
I read it and thought you were talking about your ex mother-in-law. Your wife's mother...
Now I'm intrigued. I put together the ringmaster as your ex wife,
calling the shots. Nice poem, interesting images.
KD
Posted by: posthumous Nov 1 15, 18:13
This was my ex-mother-in-law and it is a true story, otherwise I wouldn't have dared make it up!
Thank you for pointing out how unclear that is!!! That is invaluable. I never had kids so that possible reading didn't even occur to me. duhhhhh
Posted by: Eisa Nov 1 15, 19:24
Hi Posty
On first read, I thought you were talking to your child/children.
On second read I thought you were referring to your mother-in-law. The poem makes sense either way.
Interesting take from Karen that the ringmaster is the ex-wife. I too am intrigued. Let us know the truth! We're all intrigued!
Eira
I like the thought of clowns telling jokes with their bodies.
Posted by: Cleo_Serapis Nov 2 15, 15:28
Hi Posty, 
I really enjoyed this and felt a bit of sorrow and humor in it - if that makes sense.
Is it like a sarcastic goodbye from the mother-in-law to her son-in-law? To me, I look at this way: The son-in-law has a realization and the 'scions' were all the women that tried to control things during the marriage - but the merry-go-round effect meant nothing ever changed. The clowns could be others who just were blind.
The ending is the cream : the final realization that something is ending - and the potential for a new beginning for both.
An intriguing poem! I am not an FV expert by any stretch, so will see what others say too and come back again.
Enjoyed the read,
~Cleo 
Posted by: Psyche Nov 2 15, 21:34
Hi Posty,
I too, was a bit perplexed by your poem, in spite of the good imagery in tone with the haunting, sad breakup that accompanies most divorces. I've been there, and it was worse than the word usage in these lines.
A mixture of irony tinged with humour. Yet difficult to sort out!
your mother took me to the circus.
I remember the horses
running in the ring,
women standing on their backs,
scions of the great plains
going around and around
and round again, followed by clowns
who didn’t wear makeup
telling jokes with their bodies.
We hugged, your mother and I,
at the end of that pageantry,
acceding to the ringmaster’s cries.
The first lines make me think of an older person re-telling his childhood memories of the time his mother-in-law took him to the circus. (I'm saying mother-in-law because I've read other's comments, as well as your own!).
Then your poem gets more profound, that of an older person looking back on the kind of charade that the marriage had become.
The 'clowns telling jokes with their bodies' (without make-up), confuses me a bit.
It comes over as if a veil has been removed, revealing all that cover-up that adults use so as not to upset the kids...whew!
The ending is stupendous, IMO...child and older woman hugging sincerely, surrendering to the powers that be, to that which can't be helped.
Tx for sharing,
Psyche
Posted by: greenwich Nov 3 15, 15:01
Enjoyable poem. Killer line "scions of the great plains". I thought you may have described the clowns jokes in another way, other than their bodies, maybe sadness ?
Posted by: posthumous Nov 5 15, 17:21
Cleo and Psyche, I like the allegory you've pulled from this poem. I was aware that more than one interpretation is possible of the "circus" that is a failed marriage.
Thanks to this forum's great readers, I've changed the first line and hopefully cleared things up.
Posted by: Eisa Nov 6 15, 18:21
H Posty,
The change in L1 has made it much clearer. 
Eira
Posted by: Adhamh MacAodh Nov 8 15, 01:10
Good stuff Posty. Not sure about the ending. For some reason the words "pageantry" and "acceding" left me cold. They come across too...well, I don't know what, but too something. I think there's something less clinical you can use here. Hell if I know what that is. I enjoyed it and will continue to read it and I may post in a day or two to disregard everything I said. I reserve that right.
-A-
Posted by: weaver Nov 8 15, 15:17
Hi Post:
Maybe I've had enough sleep for once as I did get this immediately as your ex mom in law taking you out to the circus (which is a bit bizarre in and of itself) after a divorce. It made me stop and think 'why on earth would she take you to the circus?' as that is something you do with a child and then it struck me that perhaps it was a nostalgic thing to do as a circus is something from the past. It may have been a bit of a truce or an 'it's ok' type of outing and the hug at the end clarifies that this relationship is ok and there are no hard feelings which is very poignant. I enjoyed this, the women on horseback going around and around almost like habit almost like a marriage that just goes and goes but really goes nowhere.
Great poem!
Cheers
W
After you divorced me,
your mother took me to the circus.
I remember the horses
running in the ring,
women standing on their backs,
scions of the great plains
going around and around
and round again, followed by clowns
who didn’t wear makeup
telling jokes with their bodies.
We hugged, your mother and I,
at the end of that pageantry,
acceding to the ringmaster’s cries.
original:
After our divorce
your mother took me to the circus.
I remember the horses
running in the ring,
women standing on their backs,
scions of the great plains
going around and around
and round again, followed by clowns
who didn’t wear makeup
telling jokes with their bodies.
We hugged, your mother and I,
at the end of that pageantry,
acceding to the ringmaster’s cries.
Posted by: danimik Nov 16 15, 18:36
After you divorced me,
your mother took me to the circus.
I remember the horses
running in the ring,
women standing on their backs,
scions of the great plains
going around and around
and round again, followed by clowns
who didn’t wear makeup
telling jokes with their bodies.
We hugged, your mother and I,
at the end of that pageantry,
acceding to the ringmaster’s cries.
Thought I'd already commented on this one and it comes as a surprise to find that I hadn't.
There's a metaphor lurking in there are the horse going round and round with a female acrobat on its (broad) back as goad
yet that doesn't feel clean somehow. By which I mean, I suspect it's an accidental metaphor, unintended.
The second metaphor suggests that the extended family are forced into some kind of reconciliation at the request/demand
of the ex-wife. That feels much cleaner.
Lawyers as clowns without make-up - I like a great deal.
Interesting poem, rich images, simple language and dense/complex ideas.
Mike
original:
After our divorce
your mother took me to the circus.
I remember the horses
running in the ring,
women standing on their backs,
scions of the great plains
going around and around
and round again, followed by clowns
who didn’t wear makeup
telling jokes with their bodies.
We hugged, your mother and I,
at the end of that pageantry,
acceding to the ringmaster’s cries.
Posted by: posthumous Nov 17 15, 18:36
A,
I may or may not accede to your further comments. 
W, D,
I love what you're pulling from the poem. The story is true but full of metaphor nonetheless. And yes it was a poignant moment, that felt less odd when it happened but seems so odd now. Really only 18 years later did it suddenly seem odd enough to write about.
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