Lord, Help Me Options

[RC James]

I know if I go back there’ll be silence in the room,
I will have to break it somehow, not the best at that.
Forgive me, I was really upset, she’s heard before,
no sense in that, she’ll tend to her knitting, not to me.

There’s always Gaddy’s Irish upstairs for a pint
of Guinness and a shot or two, but that’ll put me
two days back, not forward. Why can’t we just walk
along the Quay, the way we used to do and let the air
sort both of us out. Because now she doesn’t believe
a fuckin’ word I say, under the influence or not, just deaf...
deaf to explanations, excuses, begging... begging even.

Ma always told me, face the music, but dear mother
mine, what if all the instruments have been stolen,
and nobody can carry a tune in a brand new bucket?
Then what, bring her a CD of Frankie Boy, but, still,
she’ll tell me, Why don’t you godamnit talk to me,
something out of your mouth by way of what I once
knew as the location of that red piece of meat I don’t
even know is beating now or not. Talk to me, you, talk.

That’s what’ll go on, unless, unless I go to the meadow
we first did it in and pick two handfulls of flowers,
the blue and yellow ones with a pink one thrown in
for good measure. Those’ll sing for me, won’t they, ma?

[Psyche]

Hi Richard,
I've been reading your poem about three times. I find it very interesting, with the imagined conversations, then discarded.
A question: does "the location of that red piece of meat I don’t
even know is beating now or not." refer to N's heart? It's good, just makes one think.

In the last stanza, I find some lines a bit confusing, like "we first did it in". Did what?
And BTW, "handfuls" has only one letter "l" at the end, unless there's a difference between US and British spelling. I often have to think about that sort of word. Perhaps either way is correct.

Altogether a very good poem. I understand there's guilt or reproach in N's attitude. Is that so? Something happened along the way, implicitly but not revealed.

You should send your poem to a competition or publishers, Richard.
Syl

I know if I go back there’ll be silence in the room,
I will have to break it somehow, not the best at that.
“Forgive me, I was really upset,” she’s heard before,
no sense in that, she’ll tend to her knitting, not to me.

There’s always Gaddy’s Irish upstairs for a pint
of Guinness and a shot or two, but that’ll put me
two days back, not forward. Why can’t we just walk
along the Quay, the way we used to do and let the air
sort both of us out. Because now she doesn’t believe
a fuckin’ word I say, under the influence or not, just deaf,
deaf to explanations, excuses, begging, begging even.

Ma always told me, “face the music,” but dear mother
mine, what if all the instruments have been stolen,
and nobody can carry a tune in a brand new bucket?
Then what, bring her a CD of Frankie Boy, but, still,
she’ll tell me, “Why don’t you godamnit talk to me,
something out of your mouth by way of what I once
knew as the location of that red piece of meat I don’t
even know is beating now or not. Talk to me, you, talk.”

That’s what’ll go on, unless, unless I go to the meadow
we first did it in and pick two handfulls of flowers,
the blue and yellow ones with a pink one thrown in
for good measure. Those’ll sing for me, won’t they, ma?

[RC James]

Syl - Glad you like this. Yes, red piece of meat refers to his heart. I tried to make the wife as down to earth as I could.

we did it - made love

and thank you for the spelling correction, you'd never know I was a spelling bee champ in the 2nd grade. Richard

[Larry]

Hi Richard,

I've said those self-same words a number of times and it hasn't helped me yet. The only crit I could possibly offer is to italicize where someone is speaking.

I don't know if in the last line of your second stanza... "begging, begging even" is a redundancy error or reiteration for effect. If it is reiteration, you might put an ellipse after the first one and lose the comma.

You are right about getting a few drinks to set you straight. Never worked and never will but as you say, " that’ll put me two days back, not forward." is so true that it hurts.

Hope this isn't a real-life marital spat; just a good read.

Larry

p.s. to Sylvia: Does Richard really have to explain the phrase we first did it in. I may be dead wrong but I read "made love".

[Psyche]

Hi Richard,
Yes, I do indeed like your poem. The three reiterations (deaf, unless, begging) work well for me. They express despair, or perhaps dreams that the relationship will improve. Makes your piece more powerful.
Good idea to use ellipsis after the first word = "just deaf... deaf to explanations", etc.
Yep, I knew that "we did it" referred to making love. I found it contradictory, as ma said "face the music", whereas the wife wants them to sit down and have a good talk about whatever happened to their marriage. Infidelity? Indiffence? Jealousy?
She never asked for music, or even flowers.
But never mind, your poem expresses all these options in an original style. The guy might never get it right... LOL. He mainly dreams, whereas maybe she wants to be listened to. Just prepare a coffee and pull up a chair! It might take long, but he should listen patiently and allow her to vent her anger... that's what most women want, when they say "talk".
The flowers can pop up at the end... maybe.
Just my two cents.
Syl

Syl - Glad you like this. Yes, red piece of meat refers to his heart. I tried to make the wife as down to earth as I could.

we did it - made love

and thank you for the spelling correction, you'd never know I was a spelling bee champ in the 2nd grade. Richard

[greenwich]

An intense internalised conversation , working out all the cul de sacs of learned emotional response.