The Almost Storm, A very short story Options

[Charon]

I am sending this to my home town newspaper hopefully for publishing.  They are seeking storm stories of St. Joe from before the 70's.

The Almost Storm
by Butch Sollars

Living in Missouri, especially St. Joseph, storms are something that just became a part of your life.  Thunder boomers and such came and went.  The seemingly annual floods of the Blacksnake and Whitehead Creeks just add eons of colorful pages of history to the books of our minds. However, in all my years in St. Joe there is one almost storm that stands out above and beyond all the others.

In late 1958 my mother had moved us from an apartment on Eleventh and Edmond into a house on St. Joseph Avenue.  Until this time we had predominately lived either in an apartment building, or with my Grandfather.  

Now the home we moved into was not just an ordinary house, most importantly it was a duplex.  Half of the massive two-story structure was ours.  The home was located opposite of Woodson Chapel Church and still stands there today.  I would go further into detail on the house but that is not the point of this story.  Let’s just say the house was a character unto its own right.

All of the homes, and one church, located along the west side of the street, were painted the typical 1950’s white.  All of them perched on top of a massive mound of earth we in Missouri call a hill.  Now this hill was not just an ordinary knoll.  There had to be at least one hundred stairs straight up to our house.  How anyone ever managed to walk up those stairs to the front doors mystifies me even today.  How the postmen ever did it is beyond my imagination.  Those steps were and are a coronary waiting to happen.  

St. Joseph Avenue even in those days was a very busy street.  Down the center of the busy avenue were two sets of rails for use by the trolley cars, now long gone.  Suspended roughly twelve feet in the air directly above those rails were the cables for the electric buses, which snapped and popped their way along the street.

Across the street down in the valley were located the railroad tracks, Goetz Brewery ball diamond, Green Hills Grocery Store, TG&Y department store and a Sinclair gas station.  A little chili stand was located directly across the street to the north of Woodson Chapel Church.

Up the street to the north, past Melmed’s Drug store, LR Violet’s barbershop, stood that huge monstrosity we, the gang, called the fortress, but our parents called Lindbergh Grade School.  All around this area lived what would become boyhood chums, some for life - Kenny, Terry, Steve and others.  

We bummed together, got in trouble together, got rescued together.  It always seemed at least one of us was in trouble for something in those days.  However, every once in awhile our parents would grant us the awesome privilege of obtaining some of the greasiest chili made west of the Mississippi, purchased right from that little stand. In addition, if we were really good, a bottle of either Hund and Eager fruit flavored soda pop or a big bottle of 3V cola.

This particular night we were all laying on that high bank in front of my house, telling our wild stories, watching the world go by beneath our feet, eating that wonderful chili, and sipping that fantastic pop.  

We became aware of a bunch of clouds slowly rolling in from the south, and obscuring what little light remained from the moon.  Suddenly a light show began.  Giant fingers of lightning would flash across the clouds, never coming to earth.  The beams would slick across the bottom of the clouds in brilliant hues of white, yellow, blue, and every once in awhile a bright red.  

Over and over again these flashing rivers and streams would crawl across the billowed bottoms of natures white wonders.  We were astonished.  Now you have to understand we were fifth graders, we were not easily impressed.  However, oohs and awhs spewed forth from our mouths like we were watching the biggest Fourth of July fireworks display ever put on by man.

Down the street on the same hill, a neon cross on the front of the church was a brilliant white against the dark sky.  The blue words Jesus Saves, connected by the middle S, stood out stark in relief against the inkiness of the darkness.  That night every one of us became a believer in a supreme being for we were watching his handiwork.

Again and again the strings of brilliance flashed across like waves on an ocean.  No thunder came from the crackling sparks of light.  It was as if we had all become suddenly deaf.  One of us, I don’t remember who, ran and got our parents.  They came out and joined in on our stunned silence.

After all these years and many storms of all sizes and varieties I have never seen anything like this almost storm.  It didn’t rain a drop that night.  Some of the older people told us it was something called heat lighting.  All we ever knew was that for one brief moment in time, all of us, parents and children, stood as one with the ancients and were totally in awe of the splendid beauty of nature and the blessings of God.

[Guest_Cailean_*]

It's a simple story but it works very well. Simplicity, as you may know by now, is never an insult from me. A simple story that succeeds is far better than a complex story that doesn't. The best stories are often very simple, they succeed because they work. (Guess I'm preaching to the converted tho, haha :))

Minor things, really - punctuation is my pet peeve, and it's the most irritating thing to fix. However, this piece is quite polished and it doesn't have as many as say, one of my early edits. A couple of places, such as when you use a comma before the word "and" (a no-no, but I do it myself far too often) and some sentences you use a comma when a semi-colon should be used.

Again, reading the sentence out will show when you use either. A semi-colon is almost like a full stop, while a comma is a pause. Generally when you are slightly changing subjects in a sentence, it's appropriate to use a semi-colon. A few of your sentences are a touch long - you may need to seperate some into a couple of shorter sentences or in some cases, break it up with a semi-colon.

The reason I mention all this stuff to do with semi-colons is because it's an annoying and common thing that crops up with every writer and it's never properly explained in school. At least, it wasn't to me, but I was a *bad* student  :speechless:

But in all, a very good flow you have going here, and even with my anal-retentive criticism of some punctuation errors, it's very good, and even with those niggling things it reads well. If you like, post me it in .doc format to cailean@whoever.com and I will edit the punctuation out for ya, within the next day or so. (Gotta get it for this publisher right quick, yeah?)

However, it really doesn't need that much of a change - depending on who is going to judge this, it stands well by itself. Good stuff, Butch! :)

Cailean.

[Charon]

Cailean,

Thanks for your comments.  I have sent you an email.  I appreciate your offer and your suggestions.

Thanks for stopping and reading.

Butch

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Hi Butch,

I don't like storms but I wish I'd seen this one... it sounds beautiful!

The Almost Storm To emphasize that it wasn't quite a storm?
by Butch Sollars

Living in Missouri, especially St. Joseph, storms are something that just became[become] a part of your life. Thunder boomers and such came and went[come and go]. The seemingly annual floods of the Blacksnake and Whitehead Creeks just add eons of colorful pages of history to the [history] books of our minds. However, in all my years in St. Joe there is one almost storm that stands out above and beyond all the others.

In late 1958 my mother had moved us from an apartment on Eleventh and Edmond into a house on St. Joseph Avenue. Until this time we had predominately lived either in an apartment building, or with my Grandfather.

Now The home we moved into was not just an ordinary house, most importantly it was a duplex. Half of the massive two-story structure was ours. The home was located opposite of Woodson Chapel Church and still stands there today. I would go further into detail on the house but that is not the point of this story. Let’s just say the house was a character unto its own right.

All of the homes, and one church, located along the west side of the street, were painted the typical 1950’s white. All of them [were] perched on top of a massive mound of earth we in Missouri call a hill. Now this hill was not just an ordinary knoll. There had to be at least one hundred stairs[steps](I see stairs as being a complete set of steps.) straight up to our house. How anyone ever managed to walk up those stairs to the front doors mystifies me even today. How the postmen ever did it is beyond my imagination. Those steps were and are a coronary waiting to happen.

St. Joseph Avenue (even in those days) was a very busy street. Down the center of the busy avenue were two sets of rails for use by the trolley cars, now long gone. Suspended roughly twelve feet in the air directly above those rails were the cables for the electric buses, which snapped and popped their way along the street.

Across the street, down in the valley were located the railroad tracks, Goetz Brewery ball diamond, Green Hills Grocery Store, TG&Y department store and a Sinclair gas station. A little chili stand was located directly across the street to the north of Woodson Chapel Church.

Up the street to the north, past Melmed’s Drug store, LR Violet’s barbershop, stood that huge monstrosity we, the gang, called the fortress, but our parents called Lindbergh Grade School. All around this area lived what would become boyhood chums, some for life - Kenny, Terry, Steve and others.

We bummed together, got in trouble together, got rescued together. It always seemed at least one of us was in trouble for something in those days. However, every once in awhile our parents would grant us the awesome privilege of obtaining some of the greasiest chili made west of the Mississippi, purchased right from that little stand. In addition, if we were really good, a bottle of either Hund and Eager fruit[-]flavored soda pop or a big bottle of 3V cola.

This particular night we were all laying on that high bank in front of my house, telling our wild stories, watching the world go by beneath our feet, eating that wonderful chili, and sipping that fantastic pop.

We became aware of a bunch of clouds slowly rolling in from the south, and obscuring what little light remained from the moon. Suddenly a light show began. Giant fingers of lightning would flash across the clouds, never coming to earth. The beams would slick across the bottom of the clouds in brilliant hues of white, yellow, blue, and every once in awhile a bright red.

Over and over again these flashing rivers and streams would crawl across the billowed bottoms of natures white wonders. We were astonished. Now you have to understand we were fifth graders, we were[and] not easily impressed. However, oohs and awhs spewed forth from our mouths like we were watching the biggest Fourth of July fireworks display ever put on by man. Beautiful descriptions!

Down the street on the same hill, a neon cross on the front of the church was a brilliant white against the dark sky. The blue words Jesus Saves, connected by the middle S, stood out stark in relief against the inky iness of the darkness. That night every one of us became a believer in a supreme being for we were watching his handiwork.

Again and again the strings of brilliance flashed across like waves on an ocean. No thunder came from the crackling sparks of light. It was as if we had all become suddenly deaf. One of us, I don’t remember who, ran and[to get] got our parents. They came out and joined in on our stunned silence.

After all these years and many storms of all sizes and varieties I have never seen anything like this almost storm. It didn’t rain a drop that night. Some of the older people told us it was something called heat lighting. All we ever knew was that for one brief moment in time, all of us, parents and children, stood as one with the ancients and were totally in awe of the splendid beauty of nature and the blessings of God.

I have to say again... the imagery is absolutely beautiful. I wish I could have been there!

Cathy


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