Morguish Mentality Options

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Morguish Mentality

Poison slithers through veins,
leeches vital organs,
delivers toxicity to brain;
eradicating soul's essence.

A twisted mass of musings,
wanton wreckage;
euphoric apathy eases
to points of nonexistence.

Farinaceous flesh
deflects orals meant to pierce,
designed to draw bloodied tears
that puncture hope into despair.

The body: a holding vessel
for maelstromed melee,
vanquished vitality;
a morgue ... no less.

Cathy Bollhoefer
copyright Dec2005

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Cathy

the high turns to low.

Poison slithers through veins,
leeches vital organs,
delivers toxicity to brain;
eradicating soul's essence.

very vivid imagery.  Is the poison negative thoughts, doubts, paranoia?

A twisted mass of musings,
wanton wreckage;
euphoric apathy eases ...I'm not sure apathy, which means lack of emotion or indifference, can be euphoric.  Perhaps simply euphoriato point{s} of nonexistence.

Farinaceous flesh
deflects orals meant to pierce,
designed to draw bloodied tears
that puncture hope into despair.

I'm not sure I understand the first two lines.  Unless you mean eat to deflect the words spoken that are meant to hurt  

The body: a holding vessel
for maelstromed melee,  ..lovely alliteration
vanquished vitality;
a morgue ... no less.

oooer!  images of cold marble slabs.  

Thanks for the read

Nina
oooer!

[Guest_Toumai_*]

Hi Cathy

Some fabulous, densely-woven language and alliteration here.

I think I am reading this as a poem about how abuse makes us die inside, become a mere shell, a husk of a person - a morgue for their spirit?

Morguish Mentality

Poison slithers through veins,
leeches vital organs,  --- leeches love from ... ?
delivers toxicity to brain;
eradicating soul's essence.

--- this S reads like a straightforward death - Juliet, perhaps

A twisted mass of musings,
wanton wreckage;  --- lovely allit in those lines
euphoric apathy eases
to points of nonexistence.

--- I also have a problem with "euphoric apathy" ... apathy eases energy to points of infinitescence ? (something like that might "work" perhaps?)

Farinaceous flesh  --- lovely allit and wonderful choice of "farinaceous" - gives me an image of this doughy, pasty-faced, compliant person who simply squishily absorbs the words hurled
deflects orals meant to pierce,  --- so I wonder if deflects is quite right ... but not sure if I have any suggestions now ... maybe "cushions" ... nah ...  
designed to draw bloodied tears
that puncture hope into despair.  --- vivid stuff

The body: a holding vessel
for maelstromed melee,  --- wow
vanquished vitality;  --- fab allit again
a morgue ... no less

Hope those ideas are some use - and apologies if I am way off the mark (no excuse save just crawled out of bed for the morning, lol)

Hugs

Fran

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Hi Nina,

the high turns to low.

It doesn't get much lower than this ... does it?

Poison slithers through veins,
leeches vital organs,
delivers toxicity to brain;
eradicating soul's essence.

very vivid imagery.  Is the poison negative thoughts, doubts, paranoia?

All of the above and then some!

A twisted mass of musings,
wanton wreckage;
euphoric apathy eases ...I'm not sure apathy, which means lack of emotion or indifference, can be euphoric.  Perhaps simply euphoriato point{s} of nonexistence.

I guess not but the idea of not being able to feel anything can make one euphoric ... maybe.  I will rethink that line.

Farinaceous flesh
deflects orals meant to pierce,
designed to draw bloodied tears
that puncture hope into despair.

I'm not sure I understand the first two lines.  Unless you mean eat to deflect the words spoken that are meant to hurt  

No, hopefully the words, or the hurt caused by lack of words, bounces off.

The body: a holding vessel
for maelstromed melee,  ..lovely alliteration  Thank you!
vanquished vitality;
a morgue ... no less.

oooer!  images of cold marble slabs.  Or dead bodies in a hospital basement ...

Thanks for the read

Your welcome!  Hopefully the next one isn't so dreary!  *smiles*

Cathy

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Hi Fran,

Some fabulous, densely-woven language and alliteration here.

Thanks!

I think I am reading this as a poem about how abuse makes us die inside, become a mere shell, a husk of a person - a morgue for their spirit?

Something like that.

Morguish Mentality

Poison slithers through veins,
leeches vital organs,  --- leeches love from ... ? Hmmmm...
delivers toxicity to brain;
eradicating soul's essence.

--- this S reads like a straightforward death - Juliet, perhaps

That's the feeling I wanted to convey.

A twisted mass of musings,
wanton wreckage;  --- lovely allit in those lines Thank you!
euphoric apathy eases
to points of nonexistence.

--- I also have a problem with "euphoric apathy" ... apathy eases energy to points of infinitescence ? (something like that might "work" perhaps?)

Interesting!  I am going to rethink that line.  Thanks for the suggestion!

Farinaceous flesh  --- lovely allit and wonderful choice of "farinaceous" - gives me an image of this doughy, pasty-faced, compliant person who simply squishily absorbs the words hurled Oh my!  What a picture!

deflects orals meant to pierce,  --- so I wonder if deflects is quite right ... but not sure if I have any suggestions now ... maybe "cushions" ... nah ...  I see what you're saying.  I will rethink this one too.

designed to draw bloodied tears
that puncture hope into despair.  --- vivid stuff Thanks!

The body: a holding vessel
for maelstromed melee,  --- wow
vanquished vitality;  --- fab allit again  Thanks again!  lol
a morgue ... no less

Hope those ideas are some use - and apologies if I am way off the mark (no excuse save just crawled out of bed for the morning, lol)

Yes, very useful and I will keep them in mind when I revise.

Thanks Fran!
Cathy