Belief..., Curtal Sonnet Options

[Guest__*]

Here are the perams for this...

""The Curtal Sonnet, so called, is not a sonnet but an eleven-line form invented by Gerard Manley Hopkins. The first ten lines are written in iambic pentameter meters, but the eleventh line is spondaic monometer (one spondee). The whole poem rhymes abcabcdbcdc." (Lewis Turco, Book of Forms)." Please keep intact, was taken from another board, thanks!  11 lines, 10 of IP, 1 spondee as the 11th line. Crated by Gerald Manley Hopkins"


I trace this kiss of dawn with arms that hold
my dreams inside a soul, that weeps with need
to touch your face and breathe your life, that heals
a trust we bruise but lives inside its fold.
While time begins, we beg the fates this plea-
to take our fear, our risk, my heart- it feels,
no binds, no bounds, yet truths as freedoms soar.        
I gave to love on paths where tears don't bleed
and found this choice that frays the seams are real;
as hearts entwine, belief of us is more-
Hope's Seal.

[Cleo_Serapis]

Why hello!  :sun:

Before I can give a proper crit, please enlighten me to the definition of this type of sonnet?  :wall:

Thankies!
~Cleo  :pharoah:

[Guest__*]

Hello Cleo,

Here are the params for this sonnet...


""The Curtal Sonnet, so called, is not a sonnet but an eleven-line form invented by Gerard Manley Hopkins. The first ten lines are written in iambic pentameter meters, but the eleventh line is spondaic monometer (one spondee). The whole poem rhymes abcabcdbcdc." (Lewis Turco, Book of Forms)." Please keep intact, was taken from another board, thanks!  11 lines, 10 of IP, 1 spondee as the 11th line. Crated by Gerald Manley Hopkins"

Hope this helps! :)

Traci

[Michelle]

Hi Traci,

I remember this one
(I have a funny habit
of remembering the poems I read).

Your have turned some exquisite phrases
in this poem - almost every line is beautiful on its own.
And of course your form it is spot on.  

Imo this poem is much easier to grasp.
One component that works for me is the last line.
Although it is an abstract of sorts - I can still
visualize a seal of hope.  Any questions I have
in the preceding lines, I can attach to this anchor.

Another component is that understand (pretty much)
each of your phrases.  My problem comes in when
they are layed back to back, I'm not sure who or what
is doing or feeling who or what.

I trace this kiss of dawn with arms that hold
my dreams inside a soul, >>>here I am assuming that life is grand waking up with you lover beside you

that weeps with need
to touch your face and breathe your life,>>>ok the soul weeps - wanting to crawl inside the other person from need

that heals
a trust we bruise but lives inside its fold.>>>is it the need that heals the trust? though trust is being bruised - the need lives in its fold?

While time begins, we beg the fates this plea-
to take our fear, our risk, my heart- it feels,>>>your heart feels? or the plea?
no binds, no bounds, yet truths as freedoms soar.
       
I gave to love on paths where tears don't bleed >>> no tears right?
and found this choice that frays the seams are real;>>>the choice to love gets wearisome?
as hearts entwine, belief of us is more-
Hope's Seal.


I think anyone who reads poem will come away
feeling uplifted by the positive message of loving
and believing in that love.


Great poem, Traci.


Michelle

[Guest__*]

Michelle,

Smile,I had a feeling you would reconize this one, mainly because its so unlike me, now you have not been around the other site long, but people tell me I could write under another name and they would still know my work, I have a very distinct style. Not to beat a dead horse-something I am trying to learn in my current relationship, but I tend to write with so much fiction and also very dark, I believe you and I have discussed this at one point. :)
I do not write, heartfelt-love poems, its just not my style, not sure why-but this one is very personal and I must admit, was way out of my depth, because I tried very hard not to make it a "hallmark" version, to me love poems are the hardest to write, but this one really wrote itself...so thank you, I am glad to see it "worked", I may have to try another some day! :)
So, in some places I knew I was a tad off because as I said, I went with my heart, yet not totally, it was a baby step, for it still seems to have the "Traci edge" but it was a start...lol.

Thank you so very much for the kind words, they mean a great deal, I was wary of posting it on the other site, because its so 'unlike me'. I posted it here, mainly to show that we all have other sides...and to show that I do not just write one way....

So, now to the poem...

I trace this kiss of dawn with arms that hold
my dreams inside a soul, >>>here I am assuming that life is grand waking up with you lover beside you-yep exactly...

that weeps with need
to touch your face and breathe your life,>>>ok the soul weeps - wanting to crawl inside the other person from need-yep...yes, its like a weeping heart, I just used soul instead, meaning a deeper hurt...

that heals
a trust we bruise but lives inside its fold.>>>is it the need that heals the trust? though trust is being bruised - the need lives in its fold?-this means that all though we have bruised the trust, we still come back, hence coming back to the fold, a need to come back home-I just used fold as the metaphor...

While time begins, we beg the fates this plea-
to take our fear, our risk, my heart- it feels,>>>your heart feels? or the plea?
this is a leads to the next, the plea goes to the next line-so the plea is to take our fear...etc.
no binds, no bounds, yet truths as freedoms soar.
     
I gave to love on paths where tears don't bleed >>> no tears right? yep...
and found this choice that frays the seams are real;>>>the choice to love gets wearisome? No, what this means is that this choice we have picked, does wear at our very fabric, and its real, but we are still here...so in a sense, you are right, but it goes a tad deeper.
as hearts entwine, belief of us is more-
Hope's Seal.


I think anyone who reads poem will come away
feeling uplifted by the positive message of loving
and believing in that love.

Thank you, that is exactly what I was trying to achieve, that was the message...for you have the bumps and the bruises, but in the long run, the love is worth it, if its true...and I believe the love I have is...and trust me, its been put to the test....


Your have turned some exquisite phrases
in this poem - almost every line is beautiful on its own.
And of course your form it is spot on.  

This is a GREAT compliment, thank you so very much, it means a lot to me!

Imo this poem is much easier to grasp.
One component that works for me is the last line
Although it is an abstract of sorts
-yes, it has to be I think because it a spondee, there is not really a way to make it not, it has to be two hard stresses...but thank you!

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment, its much appreciated! Hope I helped!

Traci