An Open Mind, experimental sonnet form Options

[heartsong7]

An Open Mind

I'd swear the man can see inside my mind,
the way he always seems to know before
I speak exactly what I want to say.

A trail of thought comes creeping up behind
as if it’s looking for some secret door
through which to enter stealthily and stay.

The sneaky thoughts are petty and unkind--
enticing me to even out the score
when someone hurls a mean remark my way.

I turn my head and hope he doesn’t find
the pathway to my brain. I try to shore
the good thoughts up and hold the bad at bay.

But every thought I try to hide still shows;
he looks my way and smiles. I know he knows.

see

[Guest_Tao_*]

Hello Sue,

Very creative, flowing rhyme scheme and an interest message highlight this piece. I'm guessing the experiment is using four tercets instead of three quatrains in the sonnet? I'm not one to say.

The rhyme of ABC, ABC...was very friendly to ears. I felt like reading it over. And I always felt a kinship to tercets; don't know why! Nice and cool, thanks for sharing.

David

[jgdittier]

Dear Sue,
Back at PP several of our most frequent posters came up with sonnet modifications they would name for themselves. I was just new at sonnets and actually wrote and posted my efforts in their style and didn't care much for my own work. Few  of the others of our group experimented. As a result, I came to appreciate the established forms more. In fact I've come to hold the Shakesperean Sonnet as the Queen of poetry.
This abcabcabcabcdd sonnet seems to me to be a cut above but not better than those of yore. As to your message and presentation, you've put its best foot foreward, you've said much more than the
140 syllables normally say and you brought us all together as we all think as you did.
I love a poem where each line forces me to reintrepret the line and I find we think alike.
I am an old fogey but with an open mind and I like "An Open Mind".
Nicely done.
Cheers,     jgd

[heartsong7]

Hi David...Thank you for stopping to read and for letting me know you feel this works....that means a lot to me.

I'm guessing the experiment is using four tercets instead of three quatrains in the sonnet?

yes..that and the rhyme scheme. There are so many various sonnet forms around...and I have no idea whether this one actually pre-existed but it is experimental for me.  

Sue

[Guest_Zeus²_*]

Susan,
a wonderful example of expanding the creative boundries.while still retaining some of the basics. Shows how poetry can evolve.
Larry

[Eisa]

Hi Sue,

You know me as Rhapsody of Rhyme. I haven't been here much recently. It's good to see you here.

As for this sonnet -- I think it's truly amazing. The form is refreshingly different -- I really am taken with it. I also love the message you have portrayed here... made me smile.

All round  very satisfying read.


Snow

[heartsong7]

Hi Larry...I'm glad you stopped to read and share your thoughts on this. Thank you for letting me know you like this.  :tut:
Sue

[heartsong7]

Hi there Snow...It's great to see you here. I hope you will stay awhile and post some of your lovely poetry.
Thank you for letting me know you like this one. That it made your smile makes me smile.
Seeya,
Sue

[heartsong7]

Dear Ron...I always enjoy reading your delightful comments. Thank you for keeping an open mind and letting me know you like this experiment.  :cloud9:
Sue

[Guest_Don_*]

heartsong7~~

I liked your last tercet and couplet best.

I question the effect of the last hanging word, you know, "see."
It seems an artful interjection that detracts from main theme.

Thanks for the read.

Don

[heartsong7]

Hi Don...Thanks for stopping to read and share your thoughts on this. Re: 'see'...those are my initials. I used to use my whole name...then went to initials SEE...thought that might distract and  am trying 'see'
Didn't realize that might seem like a floating word.  

[Guest_Don_*]

heartsong7 ~~

Ha, ha, ha.  I see;
you are SEE or S.E.E.  
The joke is upon me.
the jest for we.

Thanks for coming to my rescue.

Don