Hi all,
Figured I'd jump in here and repost an old Haiku - it was titled 'Rainstorm' but I hear one isn't supposed to giv them titles...
Have at it folks!
under the water lily
rainstorm
A bit of a notation: this is considered "contemporary haiku".
If I were to follow the traditinal params, it might look something like this...
under the water lily
ominous rainstorm
Cheers
~Cleo
I much prefer the first one..more scope for creative images..imho
great read, thanks
Alice
Thanks for dropping by, Alice...
Glad you enjoyed and yes, I agree with you. I like the mystery of the original a tad more...
Cheers
~Cleo
Hi Lori
I'm with Alice here - I like the first one best, the second feels kind of cluttered. Conciseness is important.
This is one of my favourite haiku and I remember when you originally wrote it.
Snow
Hi Snow,
Nice to see you and THANKS for reminding me of this oldie as well! It's always fun to get fresh commentary. I think I'll be following you an Sylvia's lead and start revising older works. There's much that needs re-working in my files, lol!!!
Short forms are not my forte as you know but I like the conciseness of this one, as you mentioned. Glad you enjoyed!
Cheers
~Cleo
Lori, I liked the first image even though it follows no set pattern. I am beginning to think that as Mark said we need a modern name for this sort of poem maybe waiku or swenyru for world wide haiku or senyru for the world... that this is a derivative of haiku and senyru with no set syllables or word count just an image in very consistent language. or maybe even Kuyu...hmmmm.
Hi Steve,
Well, it is definitely under the 17 sylls that traditional ones follow. I have seen this called contemporary American Haiku before (or maybe we can call it "Haiku Americana" ?
Kuiyu is fun too!
Thanks for stopping by!
~Cleo
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