An Abundance of Quite Good Fortune (in the manner of Dickens) Options

[RC James]

In the chill and dark winding thoroughfare , ghostly in its absence of sound, Jeremy Coffinbloke wondered
in a pronounced mutter, whether or not his presence here was in any way to his advantage. Mrs. Blowthrough,
his angry and perpetually shouting landlady had given him the night to make up the difference in his three month
rental debt.

Jeremy, an uprepossessing, wicket stem thin and overly tall young man, was a lowly messenger
for a firm dealing in stocks and bonds, lorded over by a Mr. Hastuprattle, who transported himself
around behind an oversize mid section leaning to his portside, so that many visitors to the firm were alarmed
and remarked that the portly man was about to keel over. Jeremy was a nervous sort, who all the day long
frazzled himself to the quick wondering about the best way to deliver the particular missive in hand.
His diet was sparse due to his lack of funds which accustomed his stomach to very little companionship
in the way of vittles.

Wandering in an internally blithering manner he had little idea how, where or when he would be able to meet
the payment by morning. Of a sudden, a horse whinnied, some ways off ahead of him, followed by
a sharp human curse. Presently, after hastily moving to the side and being swallowed by a hedgerow,
he glimpsed the rider dismounting and looking back of him for some unseen object. Then, cursing more volubly
and for an extended time, in the space of which the rider revealed indirectly what he had dropped and was searching for.
A pouch of money apparently had fallen in the road and during this revealing tirade, Jeremy heard other riders
approaching with great speed and shouting. The rider remounted and dashed off. Jeremy pressed himself further
into the hedgerow as the new riders on the scene passed by, apparently the constabulary by the sound
of their imprecations. It turned silent again after a good ten minutes.

Jeremy walked in the direction he had begun and kept his eyes fast to the ground. About twenty meters along,
he espied a light brown lump on the ground and had an involuntary rushing intake of breath, and uttered an inspired
“Oh, Lord.” With great trepidation, as this seemed to be the stolen money, he pulled open the strings on the pouch
and flabbergastedly discovered enough for at least one full year’s rent. He wasted no time in finding an alternate way
back to his rooms, obliquely thanking the lone horseman, his unknowing benefactor.

[Psyche]

Hi Richard!
Just enjoyed reading your story. Love the surnames of your characters! Coffinbloke...Blowthrough...Hastuprattle....

I don't think I have anything to criticize, in fact I learn a lot reading stories and books in English. Word usage, in particular. Idioms.
I've read some Dickens, but long ago. My favourite, of course, is David Copperfield!
Bleak House? Hmm...

Perhaps you could separate this tale into two or three paragraphs? Take or Toss! Just sayin'

Tx so much for sharing,
Sylvia

In the chill and dark winding thoroughfare , ghostly in its absence of sound, Jeremy Coffinbloke wondered in a pronounced mutter, whether or not his presence here was in any way to his advantage. Mrs. Blowthrough, his angry and perpetually shouting landlady had given him the night to make up the difference in his three month rental debt. Jeremy, an uprepossessing, wicket stem thin and overly tall young man, was a lowly messenger for a firm dealing in stocks and bonds, lorded over by a Mr. Hastuprattle, who transported himself around behind an oversize mid section leaning to his portside, so that many visitors to the firm were alarmed and remarked that the portly man was about to keel over. Jeremy was a nervous sort, who all the day long frazzled himself to the quick wondering about the best way to deliver the particular missive in hand. His diet was sparse due to his lack of funds which accustomed his stomach to very little companionship in the way of vittles. Wandering in an internally blithering manner he had little idea how, where or when he would be able to meet the payment by morning. Of a sudden, a horse whinnied, some ways off ahead of him, followed by a sharp human curse. Presently, after hastily moving to the side and being swallowed by a hedgerow, he glimpsed the rider dismounting and looking back of him for some unseen object. Then, cursing more volubly and for an extended time, in the space of which the rider revealed indirectly what he had dropped and was searching for. A pouch of money apparently had fallen in the road and during this revealing tirade, Jeremy heard other riders approaching with great speed and shouting. The rider remounted and dashed off. Jeremy pressed himself further into the hedgerow as the new riders on the scene passed by, apparently the constabulary by the sound of their imprecations. It turned silent again after a good ten minutes. Jeremy walked in the direction he had begun and kept his eyes fast to the ground. About twenty meters along, he espied a light brown lump on the ground and had an involuntary rushing intake of breath, and uttered an inspired “Oh, Lord.” With great trepidation, as this seemed to be the stolen money, he pulled open the strings on the pouch and flabbergastedly discovered enough for at least one full year’s rent. He wasted no time in finding an alternate way back to his rooms, obliquely thanking the lone horseman, his unknowing benefactor.

[RC James]

WOW from my side too, you read all my stuff on here, usually it disappears down a dark hole on other sites. I'm gonna make this short because my internet server keeps cutting out on me. Darrell hit one of the brothers, his partner didn't hit a cop. I was worried that the spelling on the letter was a little OTP, but you seemed to think it was ok. I did have the Dickens story laid out in separate paragraphs but it didn't transfer. I'll edit it now to its original form. I visited Gettysburg when I was 8 with my family. The place that impressed me most was Spangler's Spring where, under a cease fire order at night, men from both sides fetched water for the rest of the troops. If you want to dive into one of the best Dickens book, try "Pickwick Papers" it's highly entertaining and, at times, outright hilarious. Thanks for you kind attention, beyond the call, Richard

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hahaha - I liked this little tale RC!

I am guessing that you could take this further along if you wished. I did find it a bit hard to read without proper paragraph breaks, and that some of your sentences ran on a bit.

I enjoyed the ending and that your main character Jeremy Coffinbloke (love that name) got a 'gift' in the end.

Enjoyed the read,
~Cleo

[Psyche]

Just a line, Richard,
Members used to post stories here, but they dribbled out. My Internet is also shaky...Tx 4 the explanations!
The letter is great! Not OTP!!!
I also write short stories. They must have gone down the dark hole of the Archives.
I believe you can post stories for the Christmas challenge. We used to have Odin's as well. Earlier on we got medals as prizes, that's why a lot of us have a row of them below. But it was complicated...yet we refused to let go of them...LOL. Went on a hunger strike!!
I visited the U.S. many times, so Gettysburg remains in my memory. Civil wars should run their course without foreign intervention. I don't approve of all the bombing in the Middle East, it only makes matters worse. Let them settle their own affairs...IMO.
I moved house 2 years ago and lots of my books remained in Buenos Aires. But they're safe, Pickwick Papers included.
I see you've written another story!! Congrats!
Just a line?! Bye, Syl***

WOW from my side too, you read all my stuff on here, usually it disappears down a dark hole on other sites. I'm gonna make this short because my internet server keeps cutting out on me. Darrell hit one of the brothers, his partner didn't hit a cop. I was worried that the spelling on the letter was a little OTP, but you seemed to think it was ok. I did have the Dickens story laid out in separate paragraphs but it didn't transfer. I'll edit it now to its original form. I visited Gettysburg when I was 8 with my family. The place that impressed me most was Spangler's Spring where, under a cease fire order at night, men from both sides fetched water for the rest of the troops. If you want to dive into one of the best Dickens book, try "Pickwick Papers" it's highly entertaining and, at times, outright hilarious. Thanks for you kind attention, beyond the call, Richard