'Short Rondeau', (Corrected) ~ Thanks, Merlin! Options

[JustDaniel]

Posted

I've posted now the 'Virilei'
so please correct what I have shared
before the others come to play
and by mistakes become ensnared.
Please drop in soon so we can chat
and you can quickly disavow
the the truth of my instructions that
I've posted now.

© MLee Dickens'son 2013

[Larry]

Hi Daniel,

I read the thread (just a snippet) of the new form and Merlin's answer. Not capable of speaking French or Spanish, I'll stick with what is now referred to as "English". I've never even heard of this form so I've never tried to write a "Virilei" but my twisted mind thinks it might be what women look for in a bed partner (virile lay). I'll be back to that thread and give it a try but it won't be in the next few days because around here, life (or in this case, death) happened. One of my wife's last surviving aunts died Saturday and so wakes and funerals are the current concerns around here.

I went back and corrected the L6 rhyme error in my earlier "short rondeau" posts but not before the meat of this following post popped into my head.


The Rhea Ranger

Please don’t tell me it’s not right;
I don’t want to do it over.
Ending words would be in plight
as would be the rhymes I wove her
‘cause she’s just a short round O.
Rearrange too much and you’ll see
puzzle pieces will not fit, so
please don’t tell me.



Larry

[JustDaniel]

We have no plate to pass just now;
perhaps a hat would do?
I'm glad that you have showed us how;
I tip my hat to you.
Let's hope that Lori will chime in
if she can concentrate;
but I've no money; things are thin.
We have no plate.

[Larry]

I’m oh so glad you’ve brought it back
into the realm of current fare;
for skill in short rondeaus I lack
but brain is not entirely bare.
I hope our Lori will chime in
and Maureen, too, will want to add
something which will make us grin.
I’m oh so glad.

[JustDaniel]

When Maureen comes, I too will smile!
Perhaps some others will join in
and learn to be more versatile...
while giving us a little grin.
We know that Lori always peeks
and sometimes comments, gives two thumbs,
so will it bring red to our cheeks
when Maureen comes?

[Larry]

I wait but no one comes and plays
or banters words; a posting drought?
No lines of wit to paraphrase
their fleeting thoughts or write about
the dreams and wishes in their hearts?
Please share those things you contemplate
before the "Short Rondeau" departs.
I wait!

[Larry]

I waited for nearly 11 months and no one showed up so like Daniel, I'm bumping this to the top.

Two Guys

They are two guys who may be wise
but have one common malady
which never visibly impairs;
it’s their genetics, probably.

They feel reiteration dares
to stress the thoughts they would impart
so first and last they emphasize.
Each named Ron Doe, the long and short.
They are to guise.


Larry

[JustDaniel]

When we're disguised in foreign form
our job becomes to give it grace
and not concoct something lukewarm
that merely clogs the paper's space.

We'll purposely relax to show
we're capable, precise and wise.
If we're successful, they'll not know
when we're disguised.

[Larry]

Confusion reigns when taught new forms
especially when not astute.
Dissimilar instruction harms
my writing and my brain to boot.

Please tell me which one is correct
so I'll comply and cause no pains
to other writers. In effect,
confusion reigns.



Here are the two different rhyme schemes posted for this form on prior posts.

Abab cdc R of A (d)

[A]bcbcdadA (9 lines?) This is why I had 9 lines in my last post.

Help, Daniel!

Larry

[JustDaniel]

Well, Larry, we'll need Merlin to either clear up his one post... OR correct all of his short rondeau examples to have nine lines, since all of them have eight!

If Merlin speaks again, perhaps
he'll make corrections to his post
explaining how he'd had a lapse:
he visited and diagnosed

the rhyming "d" from rentrement.
Methinks he goofed, so bracket leaks
from second "A". Ask what he meant
if Merlin speaks.

[Larry]

On all of those the lines are eight
but Merlin's post: "corrected form"
made me consider that a spate
of short rondeaus were not the norm.

So I wrote one I hoped would match
his new example. Merlin knows
it may be hard to put a patch
on all of those.

[JustDaniel]

There's but one need to patch; it's his;
a bracket's missing 'round the A.
His explanation's lacking fizz;
perhaps he figures, What the hey!

At any rate, the lines are eight,
and if I'm wrong, we've sown the seed
for Rondeaux Bref, and to our spate
there's but one need.

[Larry]

One needs a butt; gluteus max,
to cushion falls for it, alone,
keeps legs and back and your thorax
from simply falling in the throne.

Keeps pants around your waist and is
a counterbalance to your gut.
I’m happy there’s a hers and his;
one needs a butt.

[JustDaniel]

When needs abut each others' lives
it's healthy when we compromise;
if selfishness again revives
it spurs a greed that underlies

what's hidden deep inside our heart,
too often causing love to shut
its door to what it could impart
when needs abut.

[Larry]

When needs abate and there is naught
but greed and want to guide a hand
in taking anything that’s sought
without regret or reprimand

then anarchy will be the rule
and lawlessness will be our fate.
I think I’ll handle it “Old School”
when needs abate.

[JustDaniel]

Who needs debate when we maintain
communication in a home
that's filled with love and rules are plain?
Seek charity and never roam

along those broad and crooked streets
where darkness looms and folks berate
what's good and decent. Love competes;
who needs debate?

[Larry]

Who needs the bait when dynamite
will catch more fish on any day
and it won’t matter if they bite.
Just light the fuse and then filet

the big ones floating to the top.
While smaller ones fit on the plate,
larger is nice. Light fuse and drop.
Who needs the bait?

[JustDaniel]

My knees debate: Can we support
his weight if we stand up today?
Would we ungracefully comport
ourselves? Perhaps we'd best display
uncertainty, stay on our chair?

I want to rise. Is it my fate
to lounge all day? So is it fair
my knees debate?

[Larry]

My needs abated with the sight
of homeless people in the night
with none to care or succor them
like long ago. They, just like Him,

were left with naught but lowly fare.
I beg the world ere it’s too late
to think what Christmas means and share.
My needs abate.

[Larry]

My niece’s braids are long and blonde
but when she wants to brush or comb
they fall to shoulders or beyond.
Hawaii has become her home

where she builds houses nice and cheap
from palm tree leaves and stout grass blades
wherein the tourists love to sleep;
my niece’s braids.