This has been adapted from a 10 X challenge.

Dog-Days (revised, thanks everyone)

Strolling country lanes,
with my dog Nightcap –
days bleed into tomorrow.

With each hill climbed;
every valley descended,
stains of harrowing memories fade,
bleached by fresh experience.

I no longer dream of evil
cloaked in glittering respectability
nor a snake-headed charmer,
raping my soul.

I move onwards to contentment.



Dog-Days (Original)

Walking country lanes,
with Nightcap, my dog –
days bleed into tomorrow.

With each hill climbed;
each valley descended,
stains of harrowing memories fade,
bleached by fresh experiences.

No longer do I dream of
evil cloaked in glittering respectability
nor a snake-headed charmer
raping my soul.

I step onwards into contentment.


copyright Nina 2006

Hi Nina!

I enjoyed reading this. You've done a great job with the ten words and I can't really see anything that I would change.

Cathy

Walking country lanes,
with Nightcap, my dog –
days bleed into tomorrow. Clever way to use 'dog-days' *smiles*

With each hill climbed;
each valley descended, Emulating the ups and downs of life... I like this.
stains of harrowing memories fade,
bleached by fresh experiences. Good lines!

No longer do I dream of
evil cloaked in glittering respectability
nor a snake-headed charmer
raping my soul. Great imagery!

I step onwards into contentment. Maybe 'forward' instead of 'onwards'?

No nits Nina, a good write!
Cathy

Nina,
A nice effort.

I liked these two lines, even though my subconscious keeps interjecting the word strains, but the image you are portraying makes it a better fit for your use of stains

stains of harrowing memories fade,
bleached by fresh experiences.

JLY

Hi Nina -- another good one from you. Walking the dog can be therapeutic.

Walking country lanes,
with Nightcap, my dog –
days bleed into tomorrow.

I love the image of 'days bleed into tomorrow'

With each hill climbed;
each valley descended,
stains of harrowing memories fade,
bleached by fresh experiences.

You could have 'every hill climbed' to avoid the repeat of each.

No longer do I dream of
evil cloaked in glittering respectability
nor a snake-headed charmer
raping my soul.


L1 -- seems a bit awkward ... perhaps
I no longer dream

Not much to nit here Nina.

Snow


I step onwards into contentment.

Good morning Nina,

I haven’t had time to venture into all the challenges lately so I come to this as a fresh poem and not an adaptation, (which is probably the best way to view it IMHO.)


Dog-Days

I take it that this was one of the set phrases? How very appropriate it is to this poem Nina, as they are long summer days when nothing much happens! It sets the tone to the serenity you are recapturing in the poem.

Walking country lanes,
with Nightcap, my dog –
days bleed into tomorrow.


Clever split of the hyphenated word to give it an entirely different meaning.


With each hill climbed;
each valley descended,
stains of harrowing memories fade,
bleached by fresh experiences.

L4 I feel the word ‘fresh’ is not quite right Nina, maybe replace with something like calmer/gladder/happier ~ something to counter-balance harrowing maybe?

No longer do I dream of
evil cloaked in glittering respectability
nor a snake-headed charmer
raping my soul.


L4 maybe possessing instead of raping. Seems a little more appropriate to the tone of the poem.

I step onwards into contentment.

I ‘move onwards’ or ‘I step forwards’ ?

The whole tone delights me. Nina in a cheerful mood!

(Pleased to hear the dog is called Nightcap and not Nightmare!)

Hi Nina.

This is a wonderful poem mused from the times ten! I DO agree that the slight changes from the original poem here work better too!

Walking country lanes,
with Nightcap, {my} dog –
days bleed into tomorrow.
I think the reader might be able to conclude that 'Nightcap' is a dog, so suggest deleting the word 'my'. LOVE dog-days bleed into tomorrow and the break of the phrase into two lines!

With each hill climbed;
{each} valley descended,
stains of harrowing memories fade,
{bleached} [hazed] by fresh experiences.
Harrowing is strong, I also offer a play on the word, 'harrow-filled'. When I think of summer, in addition to 'bleach' I also think of haze (humidity). So I offer hazed as an alternate for its dual meaning, haze as in atmospheric moisture and as in to harrass and for the alliterative to 'harrowing'.

No longer do I dream of
evil cloaked in glittering respectability
nor a snake-headed charmer
raping my soul.
My favorite stanza!

I step onwards {into} [sighting] contentment.
Sighting, revealing, immersing or captivated by is offered to mean 'discovering'.

Well done Nina!
~Cleo

Hi Nina,


I rather like the peaceful feeling I get from the narrator and how, although unspoken in the poem, life seems to be falling into place. There is both hope and acceptance here.

Some Further thoughts to follow...

Hugs, Liz

Hi Cathy



thanks very much.

Nina

Hi John



Yes, stains fits better what I wish to say.

thanks very much

Nina

Hi Ren

Firstly, a very warm welcome to MM. I hope you enjoy your time on here.



Thanks I’ve always really loved the message of Desiderata and try (but don’t always succeed to aspire to his words). Another favourite of mine is Khalil Kibran. Reading him is very calming.




Well, it wasn’t just one walk. The line “days bleed into tomorrow” is meant to show time passing. The thought in my mind was that the narrator is wandering around the country, no ties, no responsibilities, a kind of freedom.



This came from a 10 X challenge and dog-days was one of the words. I’m not sure why you suggest avoiding using “my dog” though I realise it could be rephrased as “my dog Nightcap”. I like the line “days bleed into tomorrow” and I hoped it would give the sense of time passing.




yes, I agree.




I do wish that to happen.



I’ll think about it.





Wish my psychologically traumatized Reiki clients could make the connection it appears you've made here. . .and heal much more quickly.



Thanks very much for reading and commenting.

Nina

Hi Snow



thanks very much. I’m reliably told how therapeutic und understanding dogs can be. I’ve never had one.



Thanks




Yes, I quite like that



Yes, it will be changed.

Thanks very much for your time and suggestions.

Nina

Morning Grace


I agree




thank you



Yes, I didn’t want to use it in the standard way.



L4 I feel the word ‘fresh’ is not quite right Nina, maybe replace with something like calmer/gladder/happier ~ something to counter-balance harrowing maybe?

I’m trying to say that newer, different experiences fill the MC’s mind, helping to push the more awful memories further back in her mind. Calmer/gladder/happier doesn’t quite say the same thing



Here I wanted a very strong contrast to the calmness of the rest of the poem. There is also the hint in raping as to what the MC is escaping from.



Move onwards would work quite well, thanks.






LOL, Nightcap was one of the ten words. I thought it was a cute name for a dog. As for nightmare, I have enough of those for real.

Thanks very much Grace

Nina

Hi Lori



Thank you



I’m not sure that there is enough information for the reader to conclude Nightcap is a dog. Actually it should be “days bleed into tomorrow” and dog-days was deliberately split to change the meaning and break the phrase.

b]

I like strong words. Bleach relates to fade and stains, so I’d like to keep it.

QUOTE

Thank you



I wanted the movement from one place to another; from unhappiness to contentment. I don’t think sighting is quite what I want to say.


Thanks very much for reading and commenting.

Nina

Hi Liz



Thank you



I would consider strolling. Walking was one of the ten words, which is why I used it but I’m happy to lose them.



Thanks for the suggestion. I may change this verse slightly , replacing one of the “each” with “every” as I want a sense of slowness, timelessness.



Again, I have changed this verse slightly but I do want to keep it as the snake-headed charmer raping the MC’s soul rather than the dreams.



Thank you. For once, I wanted it to be a positive ending.
Thanks for reading and commenting.

Nina