Global Warming, Wizard Award ~ political thaw Options

[Guest_Toumai_*]

*Graphic provided by
Celtic Castle Designs

Global Warming

Live8:
a sea
of fair faces
demanding to see change:
a fairer world.

Political tides ebb;
climates change,
melt glacial attitudes.

Slavery:
visible bones;
mere pinnacle
of dark iceberg;
souls frozen,
submerged
in depths of unseen
degradation,
poverty,
contempt.

Sea change:
a wave of humanity
crashes, splashes,
drowns oppression,
washes colour into
white papers
and history books.
This is the global warming
we must see.

© Toumai, 2005

Notes:
Live8: the recent concerts to mobilize public opinion in advance of this week's G8 summit regarding the future of Africa. Debt reduction has been agree, aid packages have been agreed, but the most important factor - fair trade conditions (removal of subsidies etc) has not been met.
white papers: political documents / plans
global warming (through whatever cause): melting glaciers and reducing polar ice-caps



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[Guest_Cathy_*]

Live8:
a sea
of fair faces
demanding to see change:
a fairer world.

Political tides ebb;
climates change,
melt glacial attitudes.  [melting]?

Slavery:
visible bones;
mere pinnacle
of dark iceberg;
souls frozen,
submerged
in depths of unseen
degradation,
poverty,
contempt.

Sea change:
a wave of humanity
crashes, splashes,
drowns oppression,
washes colour into
white papers
and history books.
This is the global warming
we must see.

I like the use of the sea throughout the poem.  It works
very well and adds to the imagery.  That's the kind of
global warming I think we could handle.  *smiles*

Cathy

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Fran,

I'm sure you know but just to be clear... (I'm a political pedant)

A White Paper is the draft of an Act of Parliament (a law) which is published - usually by Her Majesty's Government - and then has to pass through Parliament (where it is inevitably amended) before being voted upon. If it passes its vote, it is passed to Her Majesty the Queen for her approval and, once that is gained, it becomes a law.

A Green Paper is a discussion document issued prior to the drafting of a White Paper.

All the best, J.

[Cybele]

Hi Fran,

A rather stark, pointed message here. Perfect for the subject.

The ending,

This is the global warming
we must see.

is very clever ~ and a wonderful thought.

If Bob Geldof could write poetry, I suspect he would write something very similar to this.

"Give us the b****y money, why don't ya!!" Would have to be in it somewhere though don't you think?

Well done Fran.  

[Guest_Toumai_*]

Dear Cathy,

I'm glad you thought the watery idea worked. I started from the sea of faces at the Hyde Park concert and on the streets of Edinburgh (I had friends in both locations) and the unimaginable and unrecorded suffering of millions.

'Melting' does work better, thanks.

Hugs,

Fran

[Guest_Toumai_*]

Hi, Grace

A rather stark, pointed message here. Perfect for the subject.

Thank you very much, Grace

The ending,
This is the global warming
we must see.
is very clever ~ and a wonderful thought.

I really hope that the G8 leaders will actually decide to change the world this time. They are half way there; debts relieved and aid promised, but the biggest problems - trade subsidies and barriers - remain unsettled.

If Bob Geldof could write poetry, I suspect he would write something very similar to this.
"Give us the b****y money, why don't ya!!" Would have to be in it somewhere though don't you think?

yes, more of a harrangue, I guess. Thanks for such a compliment, Grace.

I hope if trade is made fairer then the demands for handouts will become less relevant.

Love,

Fran

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Fran

It is interesting to read a very political poem of yours.  Like Cathy I thought the use of the sea worked very well through the piece and added to the powerful message.


A couple of suggestions for you to take or toss.

[add] {delete} (comment)

Live8:
a sea
of {fair} faces .....I think you need to remove fair because it implies that the faces were all white (and they weren't) and I don't think that is what you meant
demanding to see change:
a fairer world.

Political tides ebb;
climates change,
melt[ing] glacial attitudes.

Slavery:
visible bones;
mere pinnacle
of dark iceberg;
souls frozen,...for some reason I keep wanting to read frozen as freeze
submerged
in depths of unseen
degradation,
poverty,
contempt.

Sea change:
a wave of humanity
crashes, splashes,
drowns oppression, ...it is a nice idea that this wave of humanity can drown oppression, but in reality it is not going to happen.  You only have to look at what is happening in Zimbabwe to know it takes a lot more than that.
washes colour into
white papers
and history books.
This is the global warming
we must see.

The very last two lines seem much more wordy than the rest of this wonderfully succinct poem, perhaps lessening its impact.   Making these last two lines into a separate verse might work better or changing the words to something like:

global warming necessary - just a thought.

Nina

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Fran,

Suggestions: {omit} [add] (comments). As always, As you like it.

Global Warming (excellent title one realises at the end).

Live8:

(Was this how it was written? If not would a gap be better, if it was OK.)

a sea
of fair faces

(I like the fair / fairer faces but might this be accidentally racist?)

demanding to see change:
a fairer world.

(Good see / sea, too - and “see change“ very clever)

Political tides ebb;
climates change,
{melt glacial attitudes}. [glacial attitudes melted] - (sounds better? - more like an outcome)

Slavery:
visible bones;
mere pinnacle
of dark iceberg;

(“dark” sounds racist, too - though it is a good phrase. Are there not Nepalese etc starving too - especially with the Maoist incursion etc).

souls frozen, (if one believes in the soul - if you mean people sounds odd for Africa)
submerged
in depths of unseen
degradation,
poverty,
contempt.

(contempt too throw-away - think it needs explaining better - maybe expand to another verse? As is, I don’t actually understand it - contempt of who by whom? Why? In what way? Confuses me but I‘m sure you must have a point worth explaining more.)

Sea change:
a wave of humanity
crashes, splashes, (splashes - sounds like seaside fun - wrong tone?)
drowns oppression,
washes colour into
white papers
and history books.
This is the global warming
we must see.

(I think your sea metaphor, whilst at first sight rather bizarre, works really well. But I worry about the colour aspects - here is a new one. If you do mean skins - I has assumed not - then do we mean coloured or black or Asian etc? Fraught with problems. Having said that, I think it’s a brilliant phrase...

washes colour into
white papers
and history books.

but might be best used exclusively for Africa (even then not quite fair). I’m assuming that Live8 is about the World’s poor not just the big African % ??

I think the last two lines are weak. That’s a shame because it is a very clever strong poem.

OK, I’ll show some suggested changed including any new ones which occur to me.

====================

Global Warming

Live8:
sea of fair minds
demanding to see change:
a fairer world.

Political tides ebb;
climates change,
glacial attitudes melted.

Slavery:
visible bones -
iceberg’s pinnacles -

Spirits frozen:
submerged amid unseen
depths of degradation,
poverty, contempt.

Sea change:

Wave of humanity
breaking barriers,
drowning oppression.

Washing dirt from
white papers and
bleached history books.

Heated debate,
warm hearts:
Global warming
vital for humanity.


I hope you feel I’ve kept the spirit. I know most won’t suit but I’ve tried to overcome a few problems. What I know I’ve done is lose some of your excellent poetry - which is a shame. What I might suggest is you re-introduce some of that in a more abstract poem where there are no confusing messages about skin colour? Clearly this poem celebrates humanity and is nowt racist at all but some folk can become upset. Usually I’d say well *** them - but here we do have a poem dealing with racial issues in many way so I would tread more carefully. But if you do, please re-use dome of those brill phrases. “Dark Iceberg” is superb.

Well, a few ideas, Fran.

Good luck.

I enjoyed this, thanks.

(PS Did you see Live8 ? - I didn’t - apart from Paul McCartney opening it for a moment. Wimbledon was on and some of those musical folk were jolly loud! :) )

Thanks! J.

[Guest_Toumai_*]

Hi, Nina

It is interesting to read a very political poem of yours.  Like Cathy I thought the use of the sea worked very well through the piece and added to the powerful message.

Thanks. I think this is the most overtly political piece I have written so far, so I'm not sure if I am comfortable with it at all.

Live8:
a sea
of {fair} faces .....I think you need to remove fair because it implies that the faces were all white (and they weren't) and I don't think that is what you meant
demanding to see change:
a fairer world.

The vast majority were, but you are right, it is a distraction. It will go.

Political tides ebb;
climates change,
melt[ing] glacial attitudes.

Cathy also suggested that and I think it fit better, thanks.

Slavery:
visible bones;
mere pinnacle
of dark iceberg;
souls frozen,...for some reason I keep wanting to read frozen as freeze
submerged
in depths of unseen
degradation,
poverty,
contempt.

freeze would still work  :)

Sea change:
a wave of humanity
crashes, splashes,
drowns oppression, ...it is a nice idea that this wave of humanity can drown oppression, but in reality it is not going to happen.  You only have to look at what is happening in Zimbabwe to know it takes a lot more than that.
washes colour into
white papers
and history books.
This is the global warming
we must see.

If enough people push, eventually things happen. I am trying to be optomistic; without that there is no hope.

The very last two lines seem much more wordy than the rest of this wonderfully succinct poem, perhaps lessening its impact.   Making these last two lines into a separate verse might work better or changing the words to something like:
global warming necessary - just a thought.

Thanks, Nina. Yes, I'm not quite sure about those two lines, so I will have a good think and your suggestion is excellent.

Fran

[Guest_Toumai_*]

Hi James,

Thanks so much for this careful crit.

Global Warming (excellent title one realises at the end).

confusing at first, though?

Live8:
(Was this how it was written? If not would a gap be better, if it was OK.)

There should be a gap, thanks.

a sea
of fair faces

(I like the fair / fairer faces but might this be accidentally racist?)

Fair point (and subsequent bad pun). It was quite intentional; save for the SAfrican concert all the brief snippets I saw were very largely caucasian. However, Nina is right, it distracts, so 'fair' will go.

demanding to see change:
a fairer world.
(Good see / sea, too - and “see change“ very clever)

thank you

Political tides ebb;
climates change,
{melt glacial attitudes}. [glacial attitudes melted] - (sounds better? - more like an outcome)

yes, thanks. Or 'meltING'  as suggested by other critters. I will think on't.

Slavery:
visible bones;
mere pinnacle
of dark iceberg;

(“dark” sounds racist, too - though it is a good phrase. Are there not Nepalese etc starving too - especially with the Maoist incursion etc).

Dark was absolutely intended. The focus of G8 is Africa, and I am passionately hoping that it will find some solutions.

souls frozen, (if one believes in the soul - if you mean people sounds odd for Africa)

I used souls to mean people but people in the past as well as present, and especially the spiritual and creative side of people, the aspects of humanity that are often crushed out of existence by hardship.

submerged
in depths of unseen
degradation,
poverty,
contempt.

(contempt too throw-away - think it needs explaining better - maybe expand to another verse? As is, I don’t actually understand it - contempt of who by whom? Why? In what way? Confuses me but I‘m sure you must have a point worth explaining more.)

Contempt for Africa or Africans by bigotted politicians, multi-national bosses, world bank leaders. Contempt expressed over many centuries by slavery, colonialism, exploitation and institutionalised economic opression that remains today.

Sea change:
a wave of humanity
crashes, splashes, (splashes - sounds like seaside fun - wrong tone?)  

Could be right, thanks. I'll try to think of better.

drowns oppression,
washes colour into
white papers
and history books.
This is the global warming
we must see.

(I think your sea metaphor, whilst at first sight rather bizarre, works really well. But I worry about the colour aspects - here is a new one. If you do mean skins - I has assumed not - then do we mean coloured or black or Asian etc? Fraught with problems. Having said that, I think it’s a brilliant phrase...

I was intending this to be about the G8 talks specifically on Africa

washes colour into
white papers
and history books.

but might be best used exclusively for Africa (even then not quite fair). I’m assuming that Live8 is about the World’s poor not just the big African % ??

The focus was on Africa.

I think the last two lines are weak. That’s a shame because it is a very clever strong poem.

Yes, I think those 2 lines do need something. Nina has a good suggestion.

OK, I’ll show some suggested changed including any new ones which occur to me.

Thank you, James

====================

Global Warming

Live8:
sea of fair minds
demanding to see change:
a fairer world.

Political tides ebb;
climates change,
glacial attitudes melted.

Slavery:
visible bones -
iceberg’s pinnacles -

Spirits frozen:    ---- I like the 'spirits'
submerged amid unseen
depths of degradation,
poverty, contempt.

Sea change:

Wave of humanity
breaking barriers,
drowning oppression.

Washing dirt from
white papers and
bleached history books.

Heated debate,     ---- lovely ideas!
warm hearts:
Global warming
vital for humanity.

I hope you feel I’ve kept the spirit. I know most won’t suit but I’ve tried to overcome a few problems. What I know I’ve done is lose some of your excellent poetry - which is a shame. What I might suggest is you re-introduce some of that in a more abstract poem where there are no confusing messages about skin colour? Clearly this poem celebrates humanity and is nowt racist at all but some folk can become upset. Usually I’d say well *** them - but here we do have a poem dealing with racial issues in many way so I would tread more carefully. But if you do, please re-use dome of those brill phrases. “Dark Iceberg” is superb.

You have come up with wonderful suggestions there, James. I am a bit concerned that you feel the poem could be misconstrued. I have travelled in Africa, and feel very passionately that there is so much hope and life destroyed especially by the powerful, cynical multi-nationals. Is it racist to mention colour in that context? I hope not.

(PS Did you see Live8 ? - I didn’t - apart from Paul McCartney opening it for a moment. Wimbledon was on and some of those musical folk were jolly loud! :) )

I skipped around watching bits. I had to switch off for a while after seeing Robbie Williams interviewed; his attitude made me too nauseous. So we missed Madge swearing (thank goodness).

Once again, many thanks for all of this help.

Fran

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Fran

I caught Madge swearing (twice) missed the Robbie interview, thank goodness!!

Nina

[Guest_Toumai_*]

I certainly didn't watch for the music; there was not much that I like (fussy, me) and you can count me among those who wondered why the acts were so resolutely mainstream white. However, I suppose that on the basis of coverage that worked: the audience was vast and maybe some picked up on the message. The main factor was political momentum; Geldoff was not trying to change Africa that day, but to change the G8 - a much tougher target. I hope it worked.

Fran

[Guest_Nina_*]

I have to disagree, some of the acts were black - from Philadelphia - Will Smith, Snoop Dog, Destinys Child, Stevie Wonder, Black eyed Peas, Jay Z Kanye West P Diddy.  In London there was Lennie Henry introducing acts,  and Snoop Dog  Youssou N'Dour and  Miss Dynamite were singing.

Nina

[Guest_Toumai_*]

Sorry, yes, not entirely white, even in London. Philadelphia was excellent.
Fran

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Fran,

Thanks for your long reply.

Re: what Nina has just said - the Live 8 gig at the Eden Project was almost totally African music - mostly black performers.

I don't think you're in danger of being racist by inclusion of "black" but by the excusion of others. In Africa there are, for example, quite a few asians - not all wealthy. Think of the coloured people and mixed race people in RSA, too (though I know RSA is richer than the rest). So, yes, I am a tad concerned that the poem might be slightly exclusive.

I didn't realise Live 8 was only about Africa - that is a shame.

By the way, it is elite black Africans who show some of the most contempt for Africa and Africans. Without the despots the continent would be far better off. They need to be shot before we can really get help through long-term.

Who on Earth is this Madge? - is it a person or a group. I have heard of Williams, however. (He's a Swindon lad who sings a bit I think).

Great poem, Fran.

Thanks, J.

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Fran, James

Who on Earth is this Madge? - is it a person or a group. I have heard of Williams, however. (He's a Swindon lad who sings a bit I think).
Madge is the nickname every one gives Madonna

Nina

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Nina.

Thanks for the info...

>N>Madge is the nickname every one gives Madonna

err, no it isn't! :)

How bizarre - why???

I thought she'd retired from singing, anyway. No?

She lives near Swindon, too I believe.

Cheers, J.

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Fran, Jame

Madonna is still around, though she hasn't had a single out recently (busy writing picture books I think).  Actually I enjoyed her performance on Live 8 and there was some great stuff from Philadelphia.  Stevie Wonder was excellent and though I am not so keen on Will Smith's music, he certainly got the crowd going.

James said -By the way, it is elite black Africans who show some of the most contempt for Africa and Africans. Without the despots the continent would be far better off. They need to be shot before we can really get help through long-term.
Well said.  Get rid of people like Mugabe in Zimbabwe and the warlords in Somalia and others then maybe the world can begin to help Africa.  With despots and corruption are rife then aid from the West will not help those who need it most.

Nina

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Fran, Nina, et al.

I do disagree with your insistence about G8. Sure, we do have a responsibility to developing countries (and certainly not just Africa where it appears exclusive focus is now - that ignores many other problem areas).

However, just to re-iterate - much of the African problem is caused by and sustained by the Africans themselves. Look how RSA and Rhodesia flourished under former British rule. Now, clearly, their aphartide systems were intolerable but the method of running the countries in other respects was laudable. All that needed doing was ending aphartide and arranging a fairer distribution of wealth. The real point is that they both created wealth really well.

If in power, I would block all moves to write-off developing countries' debts until each country (this can be done on an individual basis) proved it had a regime in place which knew how to create wealth and had fair social policies.

There is no point in pouring money in, then telling them to keep it if they will not reform their ways. That does not mean we shouldn't continue humanitarian help for AIDS relief / prevention etc but it is about time the emphasis was on the governments to help their own people - if / when they do that we should then start to nullify debts. If we do it now we will have no hold over them - they can simply pocket the money, as per usual for many regimes.

All this yukky out-pouring of sentiment which we have seen on the streets simply ignores the fact that it is useless pouring more water in to a parched man’s mug - unless that mug has its holes repaired first.

J

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Fran, Nina,

Will Smith?? Another new name for me.

I've never liked Madonna nor Stevie Wonder - besides she (not he) falls after my cut-off point for popular music - about 1978. I'm sure some excellent music and some dreadful music is still produced as ever but I've never really liked pop much - simply like the pop from my era because I grew up with it - but I'll readily admit most is utter rubbish. (Same with pop from all eras - hate Vienesse waltzes).

Pop is fun and good music wallpaper - good dance music too, if one does. Nothing against it. Has done much good. But I prefer better music and certainly wouldn't go to a pop concert, save from my era - and then only because of fun and nostalga. OK, off to play my Mud records.. one two three.

I really love your tiger feet,
that's right, that's right....

J.