Under The Bed, Oct Pandora Challenge Options

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Under The Bed

Whispered voices, getting louder
scream inside my head.
Don't wait to find out what or who
but dive under the bed.

A witch's cauldron bubbling wild
with secret potions used to shred
my hapless brain to ribbons
while shaking under bed?

A drape of fleece protecting me,
in darkness I play dead.
I hope they will not find me here
still cowered under bed.

A scuffing sound creeps ever near,
my mind is seeing red.
How long till they uncover me
yet hiding under bed?

Are thirsty vampires who belong
to human zoo that bled
from others life-sustaining source
approaching under bed?

The stinging copper scent of blood
sparks a fright'ning dread,
I curl up into fetal fold
so far under the bed.

I thought of dashing for the door,
my hero fled instead;
I'll hold my place until the dawn,
right here under the bed.

When bones lift hem of safety's spread,
composure's face is shed.
With sudden flash of blinding light
I wet under the bed.

Cathy Bollhoefer
copyright Oct2005

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Cathy

Is there room under the bed for me as well, though I'll keep well away from the wet puddle?  A very scary story.

A few thoughts

[add] {delete} (comment)

Whispered voices, getting louder
scream inside my head.
Don't wait to find out what or who
{but}[just] dive under {the} bed.

{A w}[W]itch's cauldron bubbling wild
with secret potions used to shred
my hapless brain to ribbons
while shaking under bed?

A drape of fleece protecting me,
in darkness I play dead.
{I h}[H]ope they will not find me here
still cower{ed}[ing] under bed.

A scuffing sound creeps ever near,
my mind is seeing red.  ...(cliche?)
How long till they uncover me
yet hiding under bed?

Are thirsty vampires who belong
to human zoo that bled  
from others life-sustaining source
approaching under bed?

(I'm not quite sure about the above verse.  It reads at the moment as if the human zoo bled and L3 is possibly too long)

The stinging copper scent of blood
sparks a fright'ning dread,
I curl up into fetal fold
so far under the bed.

I thought of dashing for the door,
my hero fled instead;
I'll hold my place until the dawn,
right here under {the} bed.

When bones lift hem of safety's spread,
composure's face is shed.
With sudden flash of blinding light
I wet under the bed.


A good thing I'm reading this in the morning

Nina

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Hi Nina,

Is there room under the bed for me as well, though I'll keep well away from the wet puddle? lol Sure, it's king-size! That should keep you away from the puddle.  lol A very scary story.  Thanks!

A few thoughts

[add] {delete} (comment)

Whispered voices, getting louder
scream inside my head.
Don't wait to find out what or who
{but}[just] dive under {the} bed.  I think I need "the" for the flow.  ???

{A w}[W]itch's cauldron bubbling wild This works for me!  :laugh:
with secret potions used to shred
my hapless brain to ribbons
while shaking under bed?

A drape of fleece protecting me,
in darkness I play dead.
{I h}[H]ope they will not find me here
still cower{ed}[ing] under bed. This would work too.

A scuffing sound creeps ever near,
my mind is seeing red.  ...(cliche?) Have you been borrowing James' uniform?  :upside:  :laugh:  :pumpkin:  I will see about changing that. lol
How long till they uncover me
yet hiding under bed?

Are thirsty vampires who belong
to human zoo that bled  
from others life-sustaining source
approaching under bed?

(I'm not quite sure about the above verse.  It reads at the moment as if the human zoo bled and L3 is possibly too long) I've had problems getting this to read the way I want and I see what you mean.  I've tried to stay with 8 syllables in L 1 & 3 and 6 in L 2 & 4.  I'm still working on this verse.  :ghostface:

The stinging copper scent of blood
sparks a fright'ning dread,
I curl up into fetal fold
so far under the bed.

I thought of dashing for the door,
my hero fled instead;
I'll hold my place until the dawn,
right here under {the} bed.  Here again, the flow?

When bones lift hem of safety's spread,
composure's face is shed.
With sudden flash of blinding light
I wet under the bed.


A good thing I'm reading this in the morning

Hope you forget it by night!  Thanks Nina!
Cathy  :bat:  :wolf:

[Guest_Don_*]

My, my Cathy, you are prolific into this season.

The fourth line:  Might replace "but" with an em dash.
I seldom suggest em dashes.

Very nice spook tale.  I was so afeared that any flaws disappeared.

Don

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Hi Don,

My, my Cathy, you are prolific into this season.

lol  Gotta get 'em down while I can so's I don't forget!

The fourth line:  Might replace "but" with an em dash.
I seldom suggest em dashes.

That's a thought!

Very nice spook tale.  I was so afeared that any flaws disappeared.

Flaws???  What flaws??  ROFL  :jester:  :speechless:

Thanks Don,
Cathy