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Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews _ ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 _ JUST NOT CRICKET

Posted by: Alan Nov 23 10, 01:33

JUST NOT CRICKET

The perfect Sunday afternoon
would contain an excellent library book,
on something like “The History of Staples”,
sharp thwack of supple willow on red ball,
monarch butterflies spotted near the pavilion,
perfectly captured by previously rigged camera’s iris;
plus as a treat - large bowl of canned peach slices
in thick syrup with even thicker cream for tea;
finally, a look of absolute horror
on our tea-ladies’ faces when I scoff the lot,
before dozing off in the warm sunshine
to distant polite applause ....

(Challenge words : library staples willow
red monarch spotted rig iris peaches faces)

Posted by: JustDaniel Dec 6 10, 10:44

This is a handsome, light little piece, Alan... but I'm still mystified by the polite applause in the distance. Who is applauding your dozing off? I must be missing something significant.

Just a note: I stumbled in a couple of places where the simple definite article might well be inserted, as its absence seemed a bit distracting and unnatural. God forbid that you'd ever be unnatural!!

deLighting in the prospect of a restart of our interchanges, Daniel

Posted by: Alan Dec 6 10, 13:06

Dear Daniel,

Lovely to know you are alive and commenting !

The polite applause is part of cricket - it gently ripples around the ground, often from far corners. It is of course for the players, but one can dream, while dozing off, that it is for oneself, can one not ?

Please say which lines need a "the".

Love
Alan