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Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews _ Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -> Herme's Homilies _ haiku

Posted by: Norman D Gutter Apr 16 13, 13:04

hawk on a wire
braced against northerly gusts
early spring noon walk

Posted by: AMETHYST Apr 16 13, 13:39

Hey there Dave,

Goodness it feels like home again. As you already know I am Haiku-challenged - but I know beautiful images when I see them.

Your painted snapshot, draws a very clear picture of life in motion, and the changes that are indicated by the spring/the northerly gusts and noon walk.

This paints for me a time to get out and walk, breathing new life - while highlighted with the gray of northerly gusts, (passing winter) ... the contrasts of the early spring.

Always wonderful to read your works,

Big hugs, Liz

Posted by: Cleo_Serapis Apr 16 13, 14:17

Why hello Dave.

Nice to read your poetry again! I'm not expert with Haiku but I did want to offer a suggestion for L3 (the kigo): I understand that a season can be implied - so perhaps you could restate someting about Spring without using that word?
Maybe something observed only in Spring during the walk (blossoms of some kind)?

Food for thought!
Enjoyed the read,
~Cleo

Posted by: Eisa Apr 16 13, 14:24

Hi Norman

It's so good to see you posting here - and a haiku is a real treat.

I love the images you have created - I can imagine it being a spring walk here in UK.

I am no great expert in haiku, but do agree with Lori's suggestion, that perhaps spring could be suggested rather than mentioned. Just a thought for you to consider.

Hope to see more of your wonderful work.
Snow

Posted by: Maureen Apr 16 13, 17:49

Beautiful image Norman - you have painted the picture perfectly

Cheers

Maureen

Posted by: JustDaniel Apr 16 13, 20:50

A lovely painting, Dave! It's SOOOO encouraging to have you return here...

for a 'noon walk on blossoms' (perhaps?) ... scattered there by the gusts.

deLighting in the brisk Light, Daniel

Posted by: Norman D Gutter Apr 17 13, 23:46

Thanks everyone for reading and commenting on my haiku. I'll look into what you suggest, Lori, and what Snow and Daniel agree with.

NDG

Posted by: Psyche Apr 18 13, 01:21

Hi Norman,

Haikus show so much in 3 lines. I love them, probably because I tend to be lengthy.

Yours is lovely. I agree with the others about not mentioning the season, although it's not strictly applied by all.

My small nit is in L3. At first read it seemed contradictory, as 'early' bumped against 'noon' further on. I imagined a walk at dawn, had to re-arrange my thoughts. It's probably 'spring' that gets in the way.

As usual, TorT!!

Cheers,
Psyche aka Syl***

QUOTE (Norman D Gutter @ Apr 16 13, 20:04 )

hawk on a wire
braced against northerly gusts
early spring noon walk