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> Season's Tears, Sonnet from Elizabeth Bishop Snippets Challenge
Larry
post Jan 28 16, 22:39
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There are numerous weekly, monthly, famous authors and fun challenges to pique your interest or just to goad your muse in the different forums on this site. This one is from the Acropolis Forum and consists of a number of "snippets" taken from Elizabeth Bishop's poems. This one is my effort to tie them all together into a coherent sonnet but you may use any form you wish in expressing your thoughts derived from the given pieces of the puzzle.

Larry


Season’s Tears

In burning rivulets the tears descend,
splash in the fallen leaves of Autumn’s death
which paint the meadows with their bones. They lend
no such illusions to Winter’s first breath.

Clouds, heavy with gray crocheted edges fill
the sun-cracked thwarts in fields, Summer’s remains.
While cycles, in the arms of rhythm thrill
each child with what clamorous joy contains.

But of each year, my happy days are Spring
when sounds of controlled panic roll… repeat
as thunder crashes, rains begin to sing
then turning to marimba music’s beat

upon the roof. Within some realms I keep
how people change and much like seasons, weep.



Snippets used in order of appearance: in burning rivulets, in the fallen leaves, paint the meadows with, no such illusions, heavy with gray crochet, sun-cracked thwarts, in the arms of rhythm, with what clamor, happy days are, of controlled panic, turning to marimba music, some realms I


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When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy



Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
Larry D. Jennings

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Psyche
post Jan 30 16, 01:32
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Hi Larry,

I've been away from MM because my grandson came on a visit with his girl. They live in Buenos Aires and I've moved to Bariloche in Patagonia. Been enjoying them as much as possible!!

What a lovely sonnet you've created with the snippets from Elizabeth Bishop's poems.
Not an easy task, I imagine. Sometime I must visit those forums, if only to write FV.

The finale is fantastic. Love it.

Just commenting, but I find S1 a little complicated to understand. The reference to painting the meadows with their 'bones' is not an attractive image, IMHO.

Then it continues 'They lend no such illusions to Winter's first breath'. One has to look up to L1 to find the subject, or do you refer to the 'bones', as that is the last noun? Sorry, just me. Probably a bit of grammar that I don't quite get.

All the rest is beautiful, as are all your sonnets. S1 is also good, just tricky, methinks.

Thanks for bringing this piece from the Acropolis Forum. I must be missing a lot of great works. Shall click on the link right now.
Cheers,
Syl***


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"There is no life higher than the grasstops
Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind
Pours by like destiny, bending
Everything in one direction."

Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights.



Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

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Psyche
post Jan 30 16, 01:48
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Me again,

That challenge brought back memories of members I used to know. Cybele helped me a lot with my English. She's Brit.

And she invited me over to MM!! She had a personal website where she asked some poets over to post. I still remember that she loved one of my Patagonian poems. cloud9.gif

Your sonnet, naturally, is the best of all. claps.gif

Syl***



·······IPB·······

Mis temas favoritos



"There is no life higher than the grasstops
Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind
Pours by like destiny, bending
Everything in one direction."

Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights.



Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

MM Award Winner
 
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Arnfinn
post Jan 30 16, 06:38
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G'day Larry

This is a great piece of poetry.

The imagery describing the seasons is outstanding, mate.

You should be proud of this one Larry.

As poetry goes...you do not see many better than this.

Regards,

John


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Arnfinn

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!

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Luce
post Jan 30 16, 21:07
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Thanks Larry for mentioning the forum.

I did put a poem based on the Bishop challenge. It definitely stimulated the gray cells.

Must go there more often. I'm too super serious at times. Must learn to play more.

Luce


 
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Larry
post Jan 30 16, 22:29
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Hi All,

Glad you enjoyed my little romp using someone else's poetic snippets to form a sonnet. That is just how those particular words hit me and the poem kind of oozed out.

Syl, please let me clarify S1 for you. If for no other reason than to increase your enjoyment and appreciation for what I'm trying to say.

In burning rivulets the tears descend,

The narrator is crying because of the beauty of the seasonal changes; the loss of warm Summer nights and the slow motion denuding of all the reds, yellows and gold of fall.


splash in the fallen leaves of Autumn’s death
which paint the meadows with their bones.

The tears splash into the leaves of Autumn which add their dying colors to the meadows. The leaves are the bones of the passing season.


They lend
no such illusions to Winter’s first breath.

Winter cares not for that colorful beauty of Autumn's death so the leaves do not lend that illusion which the narrator sees.

Things always lose something in the explanation but I hope this will bring you some clarity.

John, As always, thank you for your visit and for your glowing praise of my effort. Would that all that wonderful imagery was mine but I merely fitted together pieces of a puzzle, thanks to my muse.


Luce, I enjoyed your post in that forum. The only thing you need to do is to edit it at the bottom with a list of all the snippets used in order of appearance. I don't know if that is absolutely necessary but I and others who reside and play in that forum tend to follow that procedure.

Again, Thank you all for the visit and the read. Back soon with another!

Larry



·······IPB·······

When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy



Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
Larry D. Jennings

MM Award Winner
 
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Psyche
post Jan 30 16, 23:21
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Hi Larry, thumbsup.gif

Thanks so much for your careful explanation of S1. I read you loud and clear now, no problems and your sonnet is lovely all the way through. I really only had an issue with the word bones! I'm going back to my Patagonia Lost ballad to revise. The word bones also turned up there...LOL.

I consider myself lucky to have your guidance in these matters.

Off to revision II now, hope I can get it right this time.

Cheers, Syl*** running.gif


·······IPB·······

Mis temas favoritos



"There is no life higher than the grasstops
Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind
Pours by like destiny, bending
Everything in one direction."

Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights.



Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

MM Award Winner
 
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Psyche
post Jan 30 16, 23:25
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Writer of: Poetry & Prose
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What a wonderful surprise to find you in the forums, John! You've been away too long, my friend.

I bet you also write Australian Bush poetry, right?

Bring 'em on, mate.

G'nite,
Syl***





QUOTE (Arnfinn @ Jan 30 16, 09:38 ) *
G'day Larry

This is a great piece of poetry.

The imagery describing the seasons is outstanding, mate.

You should be proud of this one Larry.

As poetry goes...you do not see many better than this.

Regards,

John



·······IPB·······

Mis temas favoritos



"There is no life higher than the grasstops
Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind
Pours by like destiny, bending
Everything in one direction."

Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights.



Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

MM Award Winner
 
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Arnfinn
post Jan 31 16, 07:38
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Larry...

Irrespective of the word selection...it is finding the correct allotment.


" My kingdom for a horse any horse" . Would have no meaning without Shakespeare.

Regards,


John


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Arnfinn

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!

MM Award Winner
 
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Luce
post Jan 31 16, 16:28
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QUOTE (Larry @ Jan 30 16, 22:29 ) *
Luce, I enjoyed your post in that forum. The only thing you need to do is to edit it at the bottom with a list of all the snippets used in order of appearance. I don't know if that is absolutely necessary but I and others who reside and play in that forum tend to follow that procedure.


Okay, I went back to the poem and listed the snippets in order of appearance down in the bottom. However, in the future I'll be bolding them in the poem rather then listing them separately. I do have a question in there about the challenge. Would appreciate it if you or someone in that forum can answer it.

BTY - Incorporating the snippets in a sonnet is indeed a challenge. Nice!!!
Luce
 
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Larry
post Feb 1 16, 10:14
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Hi Luce,

You may make the snippets bold, in italics, different colors, etc. as long as one sees where they were used but I think that detracts from the beauty of the post (IMHO). If the snippets merge into the poem in such a way that no one knows what they are without looking to the bottom notation to find them, then I, myself, feel I've done a good job with incorporating someone else's thoughts into my poem.

You may, however, do it in the way in which you feel most comfortable.

By the way, what was the "question" you wanted to ask?

Larry

p.s. Thanks for noting the difficulty in tailoring a sonnet from the snippets. I appreciate it.


·······IPB·······

When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy



Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
Larry D. Jennings

MM Award Winner
 
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Luce
post Feb 1 16, 17:22
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QUOTE (Larry @ Feb 1 16, 10:14 ) *
Hi Luce,

You may make the snippets bold, in italics, different colors, etc. as long as one sees where they were used but I think that detracts from the beauty of the post (IMHO). If the snippets merge into the poem in such a way that no one knows what they are without looking to the bottom notation to find them, then I, myself, feel I've done a good job with incorporating someone else's thoughts into my poem.

Good point!!!

You may, however, do it in the way in which you feel most comfortable.

By the way, what was the "question" you wanted to ask?

Well, I had asked the question on my revised post in the forum but it looks like it wasn't saved - my error. I'll ask it quickly here then. Can I modify the snippet in my poem. I see that you did in yours so I'm assuming the answer is yes: For example, I think you replaced "with what clamour" for "what clamorous joy".


Larry

p.s. Thanks for noting the difficulty in tailoring a sonnet from the snippets. I appreciate it.

grinning.gif



 
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Larry
post Feb 2 16, 00:57
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Hi Luce,

If you will notice, I didn't change a thing with the snippet; I just added to it.

each child with what clamorous joy contains. I could have changed things around but didn't feel it to be necessary with this poem.

When bringing a post over to Hermes for critique, it is permissible to change things in any way you want if you feel it may read better or some words may fit better. The only restriction is when posting in the Acropolis or other challenge forums you are constrained to the posted rules of that forum. That, in itself, is the CHALLENGE!

Larry


·······IPB·······

When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy



Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
Larry D. Jennings

MM Award Winner
 
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Luce
post Feb 2 16, 15:03
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Just to be clear, I wasn't referring to your sonnet in this forum but in the Acropolis forum. There you changed "crochet" to "crocheted" and "with what clamour" to "with what clamorous"....

Luce
 
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Larry
post Feb 2 16, 15:25
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Hi Luce,

I understood what you were saying but apparently you didn't understand what I said. Both posts are identical in each forum. I just added a bit on the ends of the words without changing the words themselves. You can do the same as long as the given words are within the poem you post in the order the words are given. Adding to the words on the ending of said words does not change the fact that the exact words in the exact order were used in the post. You can pluralize, make them possessive, past tense, etc. as long as the given words are not changed within that given phrase.

You can, however, change lots of things when posting in Hermes for critique because you are no longer in the challenge forum. I do hope this explanation clears things up a bit.

Larry


·······IPB·······

When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy



Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
Larry D. Jennings

MM Award Winner
 
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