HEADS UP, Australian Bush Poetry Options

[Maureen]

HEADS UP

Maureen Clifford © The #ScribblyBark Poet

HEADS UP

Maureen Clifford © The #ScribblyBark Poet




He came to visit unannounced – the stock and station agent
“Just passing by” he said as he walked in
“I thought I’d check to see if you were sending stock on Monday?
I don’t mind if I do” he said as Jack brought out the Bundy.
Had to talk a little louder to be heard above the din
of working dogs all barking loudly, kicking up a fuss
which they did if anyone came round or if they thought them suss.

He sat there wearing blue jeans and a pink shirt somewhat crumpled;
sweat stained and dusty. Working bloke’s attire.
He’d just come from the feedlot, all their stock was looking healthy,
A truck and dog of fodder came; it helped if you were wealthy
as drought hit hard making the feed expensive to acquire.
The feedlot planned to send a thousand yearlings to the yards
He suggested Jack hold his stock back from this sale – times were hard.

Jack thanked him for the heads up. Every dollar these days counted
and prices dropped when the road trains came in.
Too many head of stock for sale, too late then to whinge or wail
when hammer dropped on prices low. ‘twas just another nail
that helped to close the lid real tight on the farms final coffin.
He’d hold his stock back Monday – but now time was invested
in upturned glasses of nectar – Bundy rum, slow ingested.






Bundy Rum - Bundaberg Rum our most famous tipple next to our XXXX Beer

[Psyche]

Hi Maureen,

Just read your Australian Bush poem with interest. I like the content and you've got some good end rhymes all the way through.

Having said that, it still sounds more like prose, probably because you need to tighten it up a bit. Lots of words could be omitted, IMHO.

As this style doesn't use syllable count or meter, it should be fairly easy to tweak.

It's too late now, but I'll return and comment, and you can TorT!

Love, Syl***

[Maureen]

I disagree Sylvia - Bush Poetry is by definition metered and rhymed poetry and you will see that each verse has a syllable count of 15/10/15/15/15/9/15*. and a rhyme scheme of ABCCBDD

*As Larry has kindly noticed and advised that syllable count should be 15/10/15/15/15/14/15

[Larry]

Hi Maureen and welcome back once more. We've missed you and your bark! LOL

Just out of curiosity, I parsed out your poem because in your answer to Syl, I couldn't see any way that there were lines with only 9 syllables. Your rhyme scheme was spot on but your metrics were a bit skewed. Oh, in S1/L4 I think you mean "brought out" instead of "bought out". Probably a typo.

Anyway, here is what I got on syllable count:

15 He came / to vis / it un /announced / – the stock / and sta /tion a /gent
10 “Just pas /sing by” / he said / as he / walked in
15 “I thought / I’d check / to see / if you / were sen /ding stock / on Mon /day?
15 I don’t / mind if / I do” / he said / as Jack / bought out / the Bun /dy. (brought out)
15 Had to / talk a / little / louder / to be / heard a /bove the / din
14 of work /ing dogs / all bark /ing loud /ly, kick /ing up / a fuss
15 which they / did if / any /one came / round or / if they / thought them / suss.

15 He sat / there wear /ing blue / jeans and / a pink / shirt some /what crump /led;
10 sweat stained / and dus /ty. Work /ing bloke’s / attire.
15 He’d just / come from / the feed /lot, all / their stock / was look /ing health /y,
15 A truck / and dog / of fod /der came; / it helped / if you / were wealth /y
14 as drought / hit hard / making / the feed / expen /sive to / acquire.
14 The feed /lot planned / to send / a thous /and year /lings to / the yards
15 He sug /gested / Jack hold / his stock / back from / this sale / – times were / hard.

15 Jack thanked / him for / the heads / up. Ev /ery dol /lar these / days count /ed
10 and pri /ces dropped / when the / road trains / came in.
15 Too man /y head / of stock / for sale, / too late / then to / whinge or / wail
14 when ham /mer dropped / on pri /ces low. / ‘twas just / anoth /er nail ( 15 without ‘twas contraction)
15 that helped / to close / the lid / real tight / on the / farms fi /nal cof /fin.
14 He’d hold / his stock / back Mon /day – but / now time / was in /vested
15 in up /turned glas /ses of / nectar / – Bundy / rum, slow / ingest /ed.

Some could be pronunciation differences but there were no 9 syllable lines to be had.

This looks like a bit of insider trading information from the station agent which would be illegal over here in the stockyards but I guess old friends over a couple of shots of good whiskey and some passing conversation doesn't count.

Larry

[Maureen]

Thanks Larry and you are quite correct the 9 syllable lines should have been noted as 14 syllable lines - and thanks for picking up that typo as well - butterfingers at work.

14 as/ drought / hit /hard / ma /king / the /feed / ex /pen /sive / to / ac/qui /re. 15 Could be the Aussie dialect makes a difference here

Our stock and station blokes here always try to get the best result for everyone at the sales so that kind of information is shared when they have it - which of course they don't always. I well remember during the drought when we were destocking ringing up and asking what wethers had sold for at a previous sale and was told $17 a head and that was around the expected rate. We trucked in 250 that night to the yards but unbeknown to us over 3000 came in from a feedlot - we got $2 a head for ours - didn't even cover the cost of fuel and time it took to get them there.

[Psyche]

Back here, Maureen. I apologise for not knowing that Australian Bush Poetry is by definition metered and rhymed poetry.
I read it late at night and did compliment you on the great end rhymes all the way through!
Larry is always a wonderful help with metre and rhyme. As we all agree, we have English/American pronunciation differences, so I suppose that would also happen with Australia...or New Zealand.
I only noticed one line that appeared to have 9 syllables, and not the same one you show in your syllable count! LOL.
Never mind, it's great to have one's poems scanned by Larry. He's kindly helping me with a Patagonian ballad, one which I've only partially revised.
I noticed the typo but was too tired, didn't attach importance to it.

Of course I'll not suggest what to snip or add to fix the meter (metre in Britain!).
Not being used to this scheme is probably the reason why I mistakenly thought it isn't defined. One learns so much in these forums. I also had to look up 'wether'.

I like S3 especially, where your poem shows the drama of farming. I grew up on an apple farm. Some years the farmers threw their apple crop into the river...My father disagreed with that. To save total loss, one could sell the good export apples to the cider factories for a pittance. Potentially good crops could also be ruined by late frosts, or strong winds near harvest time...

Bush poetry is truly interesting. So glad you shared this piece with us. Hope you bring on more!
Syl***

I disagree Sylvia - Bush Poetry is by definition metered and rhymed poetry and you will see that each verse has a syllable count of 15/10/15/15/15/9/15*. and a rhyme scheme of ABCCBDD

*As Larry has kindly noticed and advised that syllable count should be 15/10/15/15/15/14/15

[Arnfinn]

G'day Maureen


Feed Lots...not giving the animals a fair go.


You tell the story well.

There are traditions to be observed between stock agents and cattle producers.

Regards,

John

[Luce]

Hi Maureen,

First time I'm reading Australian Bush Poetry. Pretty cool. Has lots of color.

Thanks for the explanation of the form.

You definitely nailed it with the setting. I felt I was there having a drink with them.

But, I must confess the poem did read more like prose than poetry.

I don't know if it had to do with the long syllable lines or the rhyme scheme but it didn't seem to read well aloud. I kept stumbling as I went through it.

Perhaps using a more pronounced rhyme scheme and a shorter syllable count per line, to control the meter, is worth a try.

Luce

[Maureen]

Thanks Luce for reading and commenting.

Australian Bush Poetry seems to have the longer lines ..that's just the way it is - probably because it tells a story and to shorten the lines the stories entertainment value would be lost. Bush poetry came about in the days when one supplied one's own entertainment sitting around a camp fire or diner table sharing yarns - shearers, drovers, swaggies carried the stories from property to property (because often they were based on true events), and being in rhyming verse made them easier to remember.

Take for example The Man from Snowy River

THERE was movement at the station, for the word had passed around
That the colt from old Regret had got away
And had joined the wild bush horses - he was worth a thousand pound,
So all the cracks had gathered to the fray.
All the tried and noted riders from the stations near and far
Had mustered at the homestead overnight,
For the bushmen love hard riding where the wild bush horses are,
And the stock-horse snuffs the battle with delight.

Clancy of the Overflow

I HAD written him a letter which I had, for want of better
Knowledge, sent to where I met him down the Lachlan years ago;
He was shearing when I knew him, so I sent the letter to him,
Just on spec, addressed as follows, "Clancy, of The Overflow."

Mulga Bill's Bicycle

'Twas Mulga Bill, from Eaglehawk, that caught the cycling craze;
He turned away the good old horse that served him many days;
He dressed himself in cycling clothes, resplendant to be seen;
He hurried off to town and bought a shining new machine;