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> Let Us Gather...***, Rhyming couplets (acbd end rhyme scheme)
Luce
post Nov 17 15, 16:51
Post #1


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Posts: 248
Joined: 10-November 15
From: Sunny Florida
Member No.: 5,293
Real Name: YC
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:TCP



Let Us Gather…REVISION II

Every year the pot comes down
beside Aunt Clara from her roost.

Her cat, the one we almost drowned,
still tries to bite. Thank God for boots.

There's sister Jan and her gang of kids
who'll fill the house with high pitch screams.

There’s cousin Joe who burps and spits
while hollering for his football team.

Our kinfolk come and then they go
all stuffed to burst with the juicy latest.

They fill the pot with all they know
and then they die and go to Vegas.

****************************************************************

Let Us Gather…REVISION

Every year the pot comes down
besides Aunt Clara from her roost.

Her cat, the one we almost drowned,
still tries to bite us. Thank God for boots.

Sister Jan and her gang of kids
fill the house with high pitch screams.

There’s cousin Joe who burps and spits
hollering for his football team.

Families come and families go
stuffed to burst with the juicy latest.

They fill the pot with all they know
then they die and go to Vegas.

Note: Please! No cat was intentionally harmed in the production of this poem. See note way below.

*****************************************************************

I was saving this for Christmas - but oh what the heck. Pre-Thanksgiving is close
enough. Besides, the rhyming board seems a little bare.


Let Us Gather… - ORIGINAL

Every year the pot comes down
besides Aunt Clara from her roost.

Her cat, the one we almost drowned,
still tries to bite us. Thank God for boots.

Sister Jan and her gang of kids
fill the house with screams.

While cousin Joe, who spits
his words, cheers for his team.

Relatives come and they go
stuffed with the juicy latest.

They fill the pot with all they know
then they die and go to Vegas.


Luce

Note: Please! No cat was intentionally harmed in the production of this poem. A visiting relative's cat just decided to make a mad dash around the kitchen at the same time another relative was carrying a large pot full of water to put the peeled potatoes in. The cat got wet, the kitchen floor got wet, the relative got very wet.

The boot reference really involved another visiting relative's senior toy poodle who would growl and nip
at your ankles when you came in. It was okay in winter cause we all had boots on because of the cold
weather. Summer was torture though.

Alas, both cat and dog have been in pet heaven for many years now. Sad2.gif But after that, no pets were allowed at family gatherings - except for puppies and kittens. Hey we're not that heartless.
 
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JustDaniel
post Nov 19 15, 21:29
Post #2


Ornate Oracle
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 18,457
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori



QUOTE (Luce @ Nov 17 15, 16:51 ) *
Let Us Gather…REVISION
You're hearing those pulses correctly, Luce. You've done a great job with the revision. Let me offer a few suggestions to further smooth out the meter. Just read it again out loud and see how it feels to you. Remember, these are just suggestions, not corrections.

Every year the pot comes down
beside(s) Aunt Clara from her roost.
Her cat, the one we almost drowned,
still tries to bite.(us) Thank God for boots.

Our sister Jan and her gang of kids
will fill the house with high-pitch screams.
There’s cousin Joe who burps and spits
while holl'ring for his football team.

Families come and families go

Our kinfolk come; before they go,
they're
stuffed to burst with the juicy latest.
They fill the pot their plates with all they know
and then they die and go to Vegas.


As to the EDIT button, I think you'll find that AFTER you click on it, you will see two options, one of which is FULL EDIT, which will allow you to change the Title lines. Give it a try.

deLighting in sharing with you, Daniel
sun.gif


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