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> The Keeper of the Stones**, free verse - Australian indigenous content.
Maureen
post Aug 24 13, 19:21
Post #1


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Referred By:arnfinn



THE KEEPER OF THE STONES


The blood red moon mimicked the colours of the desert sands.
They too shone blood red in Australia’s red heart
where Uluru stood.
A magnificent monolith
whose colours constantly change
from gold to red to deep purple,
the hues of this country
and now with the rain
she was gray,
streaked with black algae and white foam
as rushing waters bathed the dust from her sides.


The keeper of the stones sits on the red earth
beneath the shade offered by the bloodwood.
He is Anangu.
The spirits of his ancestors are here.
Their ancient paintings adorn her.
The paints made from what the Mother provided.
Ochres, calcite, ash and charcoal
mixed with animal fats –
as has been done since the Dreamtime.


The same symbols and paint are used during sacred ceremonies
to paint their bodies
to represent their Tjukurpa ancestors.
For the tourists
he paints Lungkata the blue tongued lizard.
He paints Kuniya , the woman snake
and Lira, the poison snake
and tjali the honey ant.
His ancestors once painted the same symbols.


Uluru stands,
unchanged, serene, inscrutable
as she has since the Dreamtime.
He is the keeper of the stones.
He is Anangu.





Maureen Clifford ©
The Scribbly Bark Poet
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Eisa
post Aug 30 13, 14:19
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Referred By:Lori



What a fascinating poem, Maureen, full of history I really enjoyed this one.

A few thoughts below:

Instead of

A magnificent monolith
whose colours were constantly changing


it might be more concise to try

A magnificent monolith
whose colours constantly changed
from gold to red to deep purple [hues]


hues could be deleted as they are obviously colours.


The spirits of his ancestors are here.
Their ancient paintings adorn her.
The paints made from [what] items the Mother provided.

Take or toss any of these suggestions, Maureen. I hope someone else will chime in here.

Snow Snowflake.gif


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saore
post Sep 2 13, 05:19
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Maureen I think you can trim this one a little. Stanza 3 last line can be omitted since you mention the same thing in the first line of that stanza. Just a thought for you to use or toss.

Sergio


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Maureen
post Sep 2 13, 19:02
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Real Name: Maureen Clifford
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Referred By:arnfinn



Thanks for taking the time to read and for commenting Snow - I tightened that line up a bit as per your suggestion.

The paints are made from what the mother provided - Ochres, calcite, ash and charcoal mixed with animal fats –

The repetition at the end Sergio is what the poem hangs on - I use repetition a fair bit in my work and in this one it is actually the crucial pivot point. The keeper of the stones to our Aboriginal people is an important man - an elder who they believe has connections to the ancestors and the spirit world and only the Anangu tribe can be the custodians of Uluru and Kata Tjuta.


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Psyche
post Sep 9 13, 01:09
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This is my first read, Maureen. I've read your explanations in answer to others' comments.

Very interesting aboriginal legend. So many ancient peoples link the present with their ancestors' directives. One must not dishonour their name and heritage. Elders, keepers...good traditions.

I do think it could be tightened up a little, mostly by getting rid of some articles, pronouns or conjunctions, but no matter, it's fine as is!
(Remove 'the' in L1 before 'desert sands', for example. You have 3 'the's' in that line. TorT!!).

Cheers, butterfly.gif
Syl***


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The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.


"There is no life higher than the grasstops
Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind
Pours by like destiny, bending
Everything in one direction."

Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights.



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